Merry Christmas Charlie Brown! Well, it came on tonight. I welcomed all my old friends back, Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, Snoopy, Sally, Woodstock, Pigpen, Schoder, and the others. I love that little cartoon. A powerful message presented so sweetly. Lucy, she has to be the role model for the Rugrats' Angelica. Charlie Brown never gave up - Linus was always right there gently offering support.

CAN MEN AND WOMEN BE FRIENDS.....

I know, I know. I am revisiting one my favorite topics .....AGAIN . And it is safe to say it is a much discussed topic, well, in my life anyway.

I have written before that I feel as if I am stuck in the middle of "When Harry met Sally." I am trying to decide what part I am in right now - so let's just say I am the middle.

Can men and women truly be friends? I think so. No, scratch that, I know so.

If both are single, is there a chance for them to become a couple? Who better to hook up with, than your best friend?

I so love my special friend to death. Cannot imagine my weeks without talking to him. Our relationship is beyond explanation. We have never been single and free at the same time. Is this God protecting us? Protecting our friendship?

He is so funny. He says it is easy to make me laugh. (I don't know if that is good or bad) We both have a sarcastic/dry/quick wit - that won't offend the other.

We both know the other is not perfect - but love each other anyway flaws and all. We can tell each other anything. I am impressed that he can remember I like creamy peanut butter instead of crunchy. He thinks I ought to let my hair grow out - where as I want to get it cut. I think he is too hard on himself - and needs to treat himself to something new. And he needs to let go of bitterness and anger. And of course he knows my other feelings on different matters - so let's just not rehash.

There is definitely an upside to having a friend of the opposite sex. You get the perspective of the other side - ask advice-the questions you could only ask a friend. He is very patient with all my questions and such.

I know this is all old stuff - especially if you have read my previous posts or even talked to me - but it is on my mind today. My friend is on my mind today - I hope all is okay.

I just don't get it.....


The series of "Tammy" movies from the 50's/60's - is one of my favorites (yes, I know, and I love the Gidget movies and Frankie & Annette movies too).

In one of the movies, Tammy fusses at someone by saying "You talk so poor, when you have so much."

Now we all are guilty of this. (I know I am) I have a roof over my head, my kids are healthy, I have family and friends, a strong church family, a job I love, and I could keep going. And I am so guilty of whining.

But I just don't get it...

Married couples. I hear more couples complain about each other. And see and hear how they hurt each other. And I ask....Why?

You have so much.

You have each other. There is someone at home each night, for you. Someone to cuddle with, to talk with, to work side by side with. Do you not see it? You have what so many of us single folk want. Please don't take it for granted.

I know that marriage is hard, I know of the daily struggles couples face. And I readily admit I was not the best wife - and I hope that I have learned from my mistakes.

But here are some of my suggestions...based on my limited experience.

1) Take the TV out of the bedroom. Couples tend to "divide" one will stay in the living room to watch TV - and the other will go to the bedroom. This room - should be your room.

2) Date. Yes date. No it doesn't have to 5-star restaurant. It can be a picnic and a walk. And ladies..shopping is not dating.

3) Talk - talk-talk. Talk to each other. Communicate. Be honest. Share your dreams, your fears, your thoughts, and plans.

4) Once an argument is over - let it go. Don't bring it up again.

5) Forgiveness. You have to forgive and you have to ask for forgiveness.

6) Don't give up!

7)Remember why you married. Why you are in love with your spouse. Sure he or she doesn't look like a 20-year old anymore-but this is person you married-you didn't marry looks. And not everyone one is model perfect.


Please appreciate your marriage. Appreciate your spouse.

Children's Choir..

I grew up in church. I love to go to church. I firmly believe in the Bible and belive that Jesus died for me.

I am a Children's Choir Director. I really don't know how this came to be. I don't have a musical back ground - I don't even read music. I am self taught - I read and study all the time. I love kids - I am pretty good with them -though I have my weak moments. Each week I leave with ideas in my head - on how I could have done better.

My little choir is doing such a great job. We sang last week - and we are preparing for two different Christmas performances. They sound great. I am anxiously awaiting next week because practice CD's went home last night - and I know most of them will listen all week and will come in and sing their hearts out.

We will perform a spring musical - with two or three nights of singing between now and May.

I am blessed to work with a great team. We have youth and adult workers -everyone works so hard. I am part of a great church - a church in which God has great things in store.

I encourage everyone to get involved in Church - if you are not going - please find one. Is there such a thing as a perfect church? No! But you will gain strength and friendships from church.
I am a walking testimony to that.

I know I didn't mention it above...but I have so much fun with Children's Choir - I am where I should be.

Unique Conversations....


I have some of the most unique conversations with people. Okay, I will go ahead and say it, I have some strange conversations with people. I don't even understand them myself.

I am blessed to have many friends - different friends. Some of them know each other. But one day I really would like for all my friends to meet. That would be really cool.

Welcome home...and let me introduce myself...I am the mean parent. Yes that's me, the mean parent. I am the only one that makes them clean up after themselves, fold laundry, and do what they are told. Welcome home....let me introduce myself...I am the parent who helps on science projects and will go over spelling words 10 times in one night. I am the one who will bring you $5 for the in school ball game. Welcome home...let me introduce myself..I am the parent who has a "bald" tire, no money and still has to deal with a smart mouth and fix a hamburger for lunch. Welcome home..let me introduce myself...I love you more than anything on this earth. Welcome home...let me introduce myself...I missed you like crazy when you were gone.

CONFESSION

I will confess to you today there are times when I want to stay busy so I don't think or feel. I don't want my mind to wander in directions that will cause pain.

Case in point...Yesterday...Thanksgiving. I wanted to make sure I was busy all day. And I was. At first the day was meant to be as an escape from my emotions but it ended up being a real good day. It was fun. Just an awesome day.

I also know the importance of "down time" and resting - but right now I am not one of those people who need to have a lot of down time. I don't want to think. And I certainly don't want to feel.

So to my newest friend, "The Other Becky", I understand so much of what you are going through. Hang on!

And to Precious - I feel your pain - I have been there - Easter is hard for me - because that is when things fell apart for me. Easter 1999. (I should say it started on Valentine's Day - but the proverbial straw broke that Easter) And now I might forgive you for not calling and wishing me Happy Thanksgiving - mind you I said might! Yes, I know, love you too Precious!

The Best Part of My Day. I just got home from a movie. D.C. and I went to see "Deck the Halls." It is a cute movie - it really isn't a kid movie - but it is not totally inappropriate either if they should watch it - most of them won't understand the jokes. But really these past two hours have been the best part of an already great day. She is one of the sweetest people I know and she can really make me laugh. I love to laugh. What a friend! She is so fun to be around - so laid back - completely opposite from me, because laid back I am not! We compliment each other wonderfully. It is a great friendship. Thanks D.C. for being there and for simply being the person you are.

To all the girls out there....my tips on surviving "monthly" pain.

I speak from experience, my most recent experience being last night.

1)Go to Walmart, purchase Midol and some type of bath salt - I purchased some that smelled like lavender, and said it would help with pain, and relax muscles.

2) Drive home, trying to think peaceful loving thoughts, instead of those mean thoughts directed at the people who unknowingly ticked you off.

3) You're home. "Fix" yourself a cup of tea

4) Take the Midol - Draw your bath - use plenty of the bath salts

5) Enjoy long soak with a book that is obviously fiction because everyone is "in love" and they plan to live happily ever after-whatever.

6) After your bath, put on your "comfort" pj's--you know the ones you wear when you are sick or watching movies with Ben and Jerry.

7) Settle into bed that has a ton of quilts on there (I like 4 or 5 of them)

8) Read for a bit longer

9) Maybe turn on the radio to the station that is playing 80's all the time

10) Turn out the light dream of Bon Jovi and Eddie VanHalen - or Patrick Swayze dancing you around your high school gym in front of all the girls who teased you unmercifully.

Repeat as necessary for the next 5 or so days as needed. This treatment may be necessary every month.

I survived the holiday being single. Yep. Hand me a gold star and a blue ribbon, I survived another holiday being single. Whoo. Hoo. When I went to lunch with kids' great grandmother - I caught a few stares - I am guessing they were thinking something liked this "Oh, how sweet, they've come to lunch together - both are probably alone in the world." Now the part of my brain that has some common sense really knows that everyone in that restaurant could probably care less about me - so I guess I was more self-conscious than I thought. But I was looking around the restaurant-people watching-and noticed several "mismatched" groups. (if that is the right way to say it.) I saw a table full of truck drivers. A couple of nurses. Mothers and sons, the mothers anxiously waiting for their "little boy" to show up - "he told me not to cook since it is the two of us- just meet him here and he is going to buy me dinner", one of them said. He brought her flowers and pulled out her chair. (He lives out of town) Surprised her by saying he planned to spend the night, and he would put up Christmas lights for her. She was glowing! How sweet. Saw mothers and daughters of various ages - that was sweet to watch. An older couple - he carried her plate. Teenagers and weekend parents - trying to be comfortable with each other. The parent looking sad, because soon it would be time to drive his daughter home. The employees were in good spirits - probably already sick of anything associated with food - ready to go home and put their feet up. But I noticed there were especially sweet to the older people - and I appreciated that - for one day I will be that older person. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I did more than survive the holiday - I realized I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone has enjoyed this day. It has been a good day for me - I had lunch with my kids' great-grandmother - it was nice. Then went to my sisters. And now I am anxiously waiting to go to a movie with my friend D.C. I am guessing neither one us will know what to do without kids, we have kids, we work with kids at church. I am sure I will try to give some kid 50 cents for a game. We have opted for "Deck the Halls", we both want to laugh tonight - so that will be good. My kids will be home tomorrow. Yeah! They have called several times, my daughter sounds more homesick than my son. But of course, she is a teenager - so all her friends are here - so I am sure that is part of it. I work tomorrow (Friday) and it looks to be a busy day for me. Hopefully I will hear from Precious tonight - then my Thanksgiving will be complete.

SHOPPING

1) Purse shopping. Really the stores ought to let us try out a purse for at least two weeks to see if it works. It really is hard trying to find the right purse. Geesh. My last three purses have come from Goodwill - and they have been my favorites - I am thinking because they are already broken in.

2) Coat shopping. I don't have a coat. Well, let me rephrase that, I didn't have a coat. Now I have two. I went to Goodwill today - looking around and bought two coats for about $20. Wow. They look pretty good too. I will clean them up this weekend. I am not a big coat wearer. Hate wearing one in the car and in the store. It will usually sit in my backseat for a long time. We don't really have harsh winters here - we have a couple of days of winter and that's it. However, they are a necessary item from time to time. And it has been forever since I had a NEW coat. These are new to me. I am excited about them.

3) Shoe shopping. I am not a shoe person. In the summer, I rather just not wear shoes. But I am going to need shoes pretty soon.

4) Book shopping. Now you are talking! However I go to the Library a lot. And good 'ole Goodwill has a lot of books for 99 cents each. I love a bookstore though, the look, the feel and the smell. I love opening a new book. It is a treasure waiting to be discovered.


I know it is selfish, but it would be nice to go shopping for something NEW - NEW. And buy things with tags, pins, and plastic still on them. It would be really cool to do that, and not worry about how you are going to buy groceries, pay bills etc. But it is fun to window shop.

Not sleeping...again. I have been awake since 2:45. Wide awake. I tried reading. Then tried just laying there. I gave up about 4:30. At 5:00 I was peeling sweet potatoes for tomorrow. At 5:45 I was doing laundry. My kids called last night, my mommy antenna is up - something didn't sound right - but I am sure I just misread their voices. I am lonely - I miss my kids - but I am missing being part of an honest to goodness relationship. Holidays are hard. Though I will stay busy tomorrow - I will still be lonely. I look forward to meeting up with a friend or two to go to a movie tomorrow night. I think one of the worst things about not sleeping is the way your mind will turn and work. I start thinking about bills, car repairs, Christmas Shopping, etc. I know it will be okay. I also know I am sure I will crash sometime today - I see a lot of caffeine coming my way today.

How old is too old? How young is too young?

Okay for my friends who have told me I "freeze" men out or give them the cold shoulder. (and many of you have!) You will be proud, I think. Yesterday, at lunch, I was buying a scoop of chicken salad at Lenny's ,and a man was flirting with me - since my experience is lacking - it seemed he was showing some interest. He was cute - hockey player cute. I chatted back, etc. Then went on my merry way. Okay, he was younger than me - by about 5 years. How young is too young? I think a 5 year difference is okay - though I know some couples the age difference is greater and they seem to be happy. Chances of me ever running into this fellow again are slim to none, but it boosted my ego. Now to the heart of this writing, last night at the post office, I met this man, who seemed about 10 years older than me. This would put him at 47. I have seen him before - we seem to work the same hours. He had a rumpled professor-accountant look to him. He started talking and kept talking. We walked outside, he said "see you later ms. 1258 (my box number). I thought well, that's kind of cute. But how old is too old? How young is too young? I don't even know this man - his box is diagonally from mine - so I am sure we will bump into each other again. Now, I can't tell you that I was "attracted" to either guy, but it is the first time in a long time that I felt like a man (That I didn't know) was mildly interested in me. Again, chances of anything ever happening are slim to none, mainly because I am still dealing with some issues. But it felt good. But I ask again...how old is too old? How young is too young?

Obviously I wore the wrong shirt yesterday........

A.P. a coworker bought me a sweatshirt a couple of months ago. I did not think anything about it, until yesterday.

It is an LSU shirt. Now for those of you who do not know me that well...I could care less about sports, teams, who wins and who loses. Unless of course my children are playing or cheering then I care. But hey, I saw the shirt in my closet yesterday and decided to wear it. You would think I committed a crime.

A staunch Tennessee Vol fan in our office saw the shirt and went into a tirade about how LSU kept TN out of the bowl game 5 or 6 years ago, geesh, talk about being bitter and unforgiving. Then said fan - said his inlaws (wife's parents) are huge LSU fans. They had purchased his daughter an LSU cheerleader outfit and a huge LSU stuffed tiger. And to add insult to injury, his wife will cheer LSU on. I ALMOST apologized for ruining his day.

A couple of others shook their head in disgust at my shirt.

You see I wore the shirt because it was cold and the shirt was warm. And it was new, still had the tags on it - I very rarely have a new shirt with actual tags.

But I think I will reserve the shirt for weekend wear. That way I can just get mobbed and beat up at Walmart. Or I can be like Bill Cosby was on The Cosby Show and just wear different school shirts/sweaters all the time.

Obsessing..


My 20 year reunion is coming up this next year. I am already obsessing...to go..not to go? What will I wear? Will I invite someone to come with me? Who would I invite? See? I am already obessing.

I had a friend tell me last night, I don't need to go, because I will obsess all about it. Obsess in the days leading up to it, and obsess the whole time I am there.

I see a lot of my former classmates at church, at the schools when we pick up/drop off kids, and just in the store. I do believe we could have held a reunion the other night in Walmart. Including the teachers - who at the time - seemed so much older than they were - and now I realize just how young they were.

I am doing it again...

I am feeling sorry for myself. Why I am so prone to these pity parties is beyond me. And I have so much to be thankful for.

I guess with the upcoming holiday. My kids are gone. I guess it is a combination of things.

But today I am terribly lonely. I may try to go to a movie tonight - maybe I can escape for just a little bit.

You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs. By Laurie Graff

Okay, single ladies! (oh, what the heck married ladies to - you were single once!) You have to read this book. It is so funny. She is single, and just about every chapter is a date. Go find it today!

Sunday ramblings....I am craving Ben & Jerry's New York Style Chunky Fudge. That is my absolute favorite ice cream. I have other favorites - but that is at the top of my list. It can be found at different places in my living and working area - and I can just about name every one. My daughter is following in my footsteps - though she likes their Cookie Dough Ice Cream. There are times Ben & Jerry are the only two "human" men you can count on. Notice I did not say all the time or most of the time, just every now and then. (so don't think I'm a man hater!)

My kids have been gone since Friday. Friday night I did some grocery shopping and came home and read. Saturday was busy - went for walk, cleaned carpet (whoo hoo), then my friend J.H. came over - she spent the night - and we went to our singles group Thanksgiving dinner - that was fun. We talked a lot in the car to and from, on the way home we stopped at Walmart and just looked around and smelled every perfume and cologne known to man. Then came home and talked some more. I have mentioned it several times, but I love my friends, it really is a blessing to have such good friends. (She gave me an "I Love Lucy" 2 year calendar, that's cool. She like my other friends, know I really enjoy Lucy-I am thinking I am a lot like Lucy - always getting into trouble!) This morning, we went to church, and we had in my opinion one of the sweetest services we have ever had. We had the Lord's Supper - but the whole service from beginning to end was very spirit filled. Tonight my children's choir sang two songs - they did an amazing job. I am very proud of them. Last week, I was kind of worried-because they just weren't singing - but tonight they did wonderful. (I have 2 children at home, but about 60-80 kids at church - they are all my babies!)

The rest of the week I will work, and I hope to go see a couple of movies while I am kidless. A couple of my single mom friends, they are not kidless at the same time I am this week. I think all the planets, the moon, and the stars have to be aligned just right for this to happen - because it's a rare treat for all of us to be kidless at the same time. Though D.C. and I may meet for a movie later in the evening on Thanksgiving or just hang out together. .

Now back on subject, Every now and then I like to go to movies where they don't have action figures at fast food chain, and toys on the shelves at every store. You know, Grown up movies -with "real" people. But at the same time, when you have kids, you have an excuse to go see an animated movie - and you can laugh right along with them and people won't think anything about it.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN........ Okay everyone who reads my blog I need your help on this one. You tell me, what is the difference between loving someone and being in love? Let me know what you think! Post your comments. I read comments before they are posted - so be patient!

MIND GAMES. I hate mind games. I don't like it when someone is messing with my mind, and I really hate it when someone is messing with the mind of a friend. If you are guilty of playing mind games, then STOP! If you are letting someone mess with your mind, then put a STOP to it. You deserve better. (You will know who you are when you read this.)

My son wants to move to Kentucky....

Yes, that's right, my son wants to move to Kentucky. Do we know anyone there? No. Does his dad live there, No.

The reason he wants to move to Kentucky - he thinks he will not have to do homework. Why he thinks this I don't know.

On Wednesday night, he failed to do his homework again. He had to write his spelling words and do a math sheet. I am telling you all the Oscar winning actors could not have done a better job. It was quite touching to watch. Well, he fell "asleep" doing his homework. So being the good mom I am, I put him to bed. He "woke" up and wanted to watch television, and because he was so tired, I insisted he go to bed without television. And because he would be so well rested, I woke him up at 30 minutes early on Thursday morning....enough time to complete his homework. Am I sweet or what?

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.......

Mid-term progress reports came home. My daughter has a "D" in on class. Now, I am not the type of mom who grounds and punishes kids for "C's", but a "D" is an "F" in my book. Of course it is the teacher's fault - "she should let me know about my grades, mom, it is totally unfair. She hates me." So she has 4 1/2 weeks to bring this grade up-can she do it? Yep - she will do it. I am pretty sure she is grounded until Jesus comes back. Again, I ask, Am I sweet or what?

ONE OF THE WORST THINGS ABOUT BEING DIVORCED...

One of the worst things about being divorced are the holidays and weekends. I say this because on most of the holidays, my kids are visiting their dad. I cannot tell you how lonely I already am during the holiday season, but without my kids, it is much worse.

Don't get me wrong, despite our differences and my feelings toward their dad, I firmly believe they should spend time with him. I always have. Somehow by mutual agreement, we are flexible in the scheduling and such. When he lived here locally, I had an "open door" policy, he could come over and see them anytime. I would leave and let him have that time. They need time with their dad - read all the studies about kids growing up without dads. So, please, please do not allow your bitterness and anger toward your "ex" keep your kids from spending time with him or her.

But with all that said, I am not dreading this next week. Though I need the break and will try to stay busy, I will miss them like crazy. Thursday will be hard. This Saturday I am going to our singles group Thanksgiving dinner - that will be fun.

I am hoping I get to see my friend on Thanksgiving day or night - that would make the day slightly more bearable.

Needless to say, though I have been writing on this blog for a couple of months now, I am still trying to figure out how to post links, etc. So be patient with me.

Please check this blog out. http://beckydworld.blogspot.com/

No, this isn't by me. But my "twin." Reading her words are like reading mine. She is very funny. And we have a lot in common-even the same name! And she is also the mother of a teenager..though she has three kids and I have two.

So check her out! And as she said on her blog, let her know "the other Becky" sent ya!

Happy Blogging!

Not sleeping and books.

It is now 5:20 in the morning, I have been up since 3:00. I can't sleep. My mind wanders off in several directions. I lay there worrying about stuff, then I lay there worrying why I can't sleep.

The good thing about being up at 3:00 in the morning, you are pretty much alone and it is quiet. I started a new book. And it is so good! The title is "You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs" by Laurie Graff. It is about a 40 year old single actress. Each chapter is about a date she had. She is a very good writer. I really like this book. Sorry guys, I don't think you could relate, I think this one is a girl's only book.

It is raining. Whoo Hoo.

Wish List: I know, I know, it is not good to wish for things or to want things. But I have a "Wish List", one or two may be necessary but I am sure the others would be considered frivolous. Probably all of them are frivolous, when you get down to the nuts and bolts of it.

1. A new bed for my daughter - hers is falling apart. And new comforters for all - everyone we have is wore completely out.
2. A sofa sleeper - I plan to separate us a little more
3. George Strait Tickets - they go on sale this Saturday for a Jan concert. Needless to say I
won 't be going unless I win some on the radio. I tried yesterday, no luck. I really do like George Strait.
4. Make-Up. I really do need make up - I am scraping the bottom and it shows! (I am thinking this is the most attainable on this list-something I will take care of this weekend)
5. New Clothes: You lose weight you feel good. However you need new clothes. And I need them. 6. A good-nights sleep.
7. Christmas shopping money - this is me not worrying, not worrying.
8. I have tons of dental work to be done. I have made the first steps and have saved up half the money. I just wish I could get it done now.
9.Selfishly I know this list could go on and on. I also know God has always provided and will continue to do so. I have so much to be thankful for. More than I deserve.

As you can tell, my mind is going in a 100 different directions today. I went to the Library yesterday, I really didn't have a particular book in mind. Unsure of what type of "book mood" I will be in this week. (I usually read about 9 books a week-though last week was low). But I checked out a few paperbacks, realistic ones at that. Books about women who are single and in their late 30's and 40's. They seem to be pretty good. I also checked out two "non-fiction" books in the "self-help" section (that is what I call it anyway). They are Saving Your Second Marriage, before it starts. By Les and Leslie Parrott. Now why I checked this one out I don't know, mainly because I am not dating anyone. (going back to a question I asked some time ago, "what is a date?") I think I had a friend in mind, to share some of what I read. They quote Erma Bombeck (one of my heroes!) on one page, here is what she said. "People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for the secret of success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman." Now is that funny or what? The second book is Why Do I Love These People? by Po Bronson. I haven't really started on this one yet, but the title grabbed me, but it is a collection of stories on Real Families. There are two books I want to own, the library didn't have them or believe I would have checked them out. Both are by Donald Miller. Blue Like Jazz and To Own a Dragon - reflections of growing up without a Father. (I don't know if I have the 2nd title correct, but it is close). The other day I was in Walmart - the book section and I saw both, and just by the few pages I read in each, this guy is an amazing writer. His words just flow, I could clearly picture him sitting there talking to me. I really want these books.

Pencils, laundry, craft paint and spelling words. I walk in the door from work today, the first words I hear before I could even get my keys out of the door "Mom, I couldn't do my homework, because none of the pencils were sharpened!" Now, my son is intelligent, you would think he would come up with a better one than that. However, I was more than happy to sharpen pencils for him and come up with extra work for him to do. The second set of words I hear as my daughter comes out of hibernation, also known as TV being turned off. "Mom, I promise I didn't see the laundry laying on your bed." I can't even explain this one. Third set, "Mom, I have to make this poster with using my name. With the letters, I have to use words that describe America. It is "like" due tomorrow. I found the craft paint, don't worry, I will clean it up." Needless to say, some paint hit the carpet (it washed right up) she asked me how to spell everyword (dictionary right above her head), and it is my fault she messed up the first poster. Fourth set of words, "Mom, it still does not make sense how you make me do my spelling words all the time, what are you trying to do to me?" Not to be left out, my mother says to me, "Don't eat any bread in the morning, we have half a loaf, and I want some toast for breakfast." Now you would think all of this was said over the space of a few hours. NOOOOOOOO. It was all said within the first thirty minutes of my arrival. I'm telling you, therapy, I need therapy. Or a vacation.

My son the army sniper....

This is "career week" for my son's school. The kids drew pictures of what they want to be when the grow up. My son wants to be an army sniper. He drew his picture - I tried encouraging him not to draw a huge gun or whatever it is they use. He compromised he drew a medium size gun.
I have this fear, the school will call me, and the conversation will go like this, "Mam, we noticed your son's picture, and the gun really stands out. Does your son have issues or unresolved anger? Do you have weapons at home mam?" (for the record, no we don't and never have!)
Then they will recommend therapy for all of us.

Just so you know my son loves anything World War II. He loves the History Channel. There is nothing he can't tell you about WWII. Now he is filing away facts on the Korean and Vietnam wars. He loves playing with army men. Trust me, I step on them all the time.

It also would not surprise me if he joined the military once he is older. (keeping in mind he is only 8 years old and a lot can happen!) I used to worry about it, well obsess about it. But I remember when he was two or three, and he was very hard to manage he was busy, hyperactive, and rough. And an older day care worker, told me "don't worry, little boys like yours', are the police officers, fire fighters and soldiers of tomorrow."

(I am figuring if I get past today without a phone call from the school, then I am in good shape - today was DRESS like your chosen career..no he did not take a weapon but he did take a fake radio tucked into his side pocket, flashlight in his back pack and he dressed in camouflage. Also, I realized we misspelled soldier on his paper and that is driving me insane knowing that paper is hanging in the hallway with a misspelled word.)

Just because....

Just because my 13 year old used HER hair straightner last, I am supposed to know where she put it. And no I didn't know it was top of the television.

Just because it is Monday, I am supposed to let my son sleep late. Next time, go to bed when I say.

Just because a hoodie was thrown in the floor yesterday, I am supposed to know that it really was clean. They are called HANGERS.

Just because it was a pile of rocks, I am supposed to know that it was a mountain for army men to climb. I really did not mean to trip and twist my foot, I will be more careful next time.

Just because I hardly ever watch TV, I am supposed to know where the only other adult in the house put the remote. (Look by the coffee pot-that is always a good spot!) I really don't want to watch Matlock, Murder She Wrote and any Lifetime movie. (side note: Why do they call it Lifetime? Really, everyone gets, sick, dies, murdered, kidnapped, etc....no wonder so many people need therapy)

I have one thing to say to all of the above!!! WHATEVER!!!!

Confessions of a Walgreens junkie. There I have admitted it. I am addicted to Walgreens. I love that store. I really don't have a specific reason.

But here are a few.
(1) Walgreens usually has an isle of "as seen on TV" products. You know those products where you paid $19.95 plus shipping and handling. I am fascinated by this isle.

(2) Their cosmetic/perfume counter..oh the choices..and they are all right there, being serviced by someone just like you.

(3) The lines at the pharmacy counter or any counter are so much shorter than the other "Wal" store.

(4) The stores aren't obnoxious, no blaring music, no sales pressure, etc.

(5) The books and the chocolate are on the same isle - need I say more?

(6) I love getting my pictures there. Whether it is digital prints or film developed - they know how to do it.

I am sure I could keep going and going. I am waiting for one to come up in my hometown - we are between two Walgreen towns-but surely we would qualify to have one. I hope so.

In case you haven't figured it out yet. I am one mean mom. I really take pride in that fact.

The nerve of me making my daughter fold laundry. How dare I expect my son to pick up his toys. Really, what is wrong with me? My son tells me "you are the only mom, who makes their kid study at night, that's just wrong!" My daughter tells me "It's just not fair, all my friends have flip phones..the one I want, would only cost about a $100, plus the bill each month." And I of course subject my daughter to a high level of cruelty, she can't call boys. And if her friends are over, they can't call boys from my house either. Now am I mean or what? And my son cannot even begin to understand, why I don't allow him to play video games for 10 hours straight.

I have always told my kids that I just let them think I am going to work every day..when in all actuality, I am taking classes on how to make their lives even more miserable. And with hard work, they both will stay out of jail, finish school, and become parents after they marry.

And then once they are parents, I will become the sweetest mother you have ever seen, after all their kids won't be living with me.

Saturday morning. I was hoping I would be the only one up for awhile. But needless to say the radar that everyone has tuned to me is working fine. They are all up. I give up. And trust me, I've been quiet, haven't turned on the first light.

My son loves chocolate milk-he drinks one cup of chocolate milk every morning. We are out of chocolate milk. White milk with chocolate syrup or powder won't do. So his Saturday is starting off rough.

My daughter last night was being a typical 13-year old year old. Smarting off, pretty much treating me as if I were the most stupid person on the face of this planet.

We are supposed to go see Santa Claus 3 today - I enjoyed the first 2. We are going to the new theatre in our county-I haven't been yet. This was a long waited for theatre too. I heard it is nice.

I didn't sleep last night, I haven't slept in three nights, my mind is wandering all around. I know I need to get out more and meet new people. But where to go and how to meet are questions I can't answer.

Side note: Well, it's here. The holdiay seaon. No, I am not talking about shopping, lines, crowds, etc. I am talking about those couple oriented dinners and parties. To go or not to go? I usually don't go for different reasons. But if I decide to go and it is couple oriented, do I try to find an "escort" - ask one of my guy friends. Then I will obsess about that. "Will he think me too forward?" "Will he show up?" "What if he thinks I have feelings for him?" That type of thing. And then if I go by myself, the women (single and married) watch you - as if you are trying to take their guy. Whatever! Oh, they will talk to you, they will be friendly, but you can sense it. So do you see why I obsess so? I think I just made my choice. I won't go.

Obviously this has been a rough week. I am so tired. I am very tired mentally and emotionally.

You know how you reach that breaking point? My boss sometimes will call it “hitting the wall.” You want to realize you are near the wall before you hit the wall.

Well, it is obvious I don’t listen very well. I have hit the wall.

Heck, I know I have already said it but I am so lonely. I am crying now as I write this.
I want someone for me. Someone who loves me. Because he wants to, not because he has too. I really don’t think I can do this anymore. I am a basket case. I can usually hide behind laughter and jokes, but not tonight. It hurts so much. And truth be known, I don’t even know what “it” is.

Is it financial? A small part I am sure. Not having my own home, heck not even having my own room? A big part-no, make that a huge part. Is it trying to get over heartbreak? Yep. Wanting something that is not possible? Most definitely. Being Single. Yep.
I guess it is a potpourri of things.

I just don’t know how to move on, to let go. And I am sure an answer is out there, I just don’t see it.

Last week in Sunday School our teacher said something that I really just remembered. “You are not guaranteed happiness and laughter all the time. But you are guaranteed joy through Jesus.” I think God just spoke to me. I am looking for my joy in wrong places and things.

I AM STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF A FEW MOVIES...OR THAT IS WHAT
IT FEELS LIKE.

I feel like I am in the middle of When Harry met Sally, You've got Mail, and Pillow Talk.

I need serious help! I am sure some therapist would have a field day with me.

(as you can tell my mind is wandering today)

Trash, pajamas, rain and flip flops at 6:30 in the morning.

As I have mentioned before I live in the country. We are blessed to have critters. Squirrels, racoons, bob cats, deer, turkey, wild dogs...and snakes.

Well, critters have been invading our garbage cans. Oh, how fun.

The other morning, I woke up, looked out the window and saw trash all over the yard. It was raining.

I go outside in my pj's and flip flops at 6:30 to pick up trash. And did I mention it was raining?
Don't you know I looked pretty!!!???!!!



Side note: There was a snake under the above mentioned trash cans yesterday....thankfully I wasn't there to pass out. My mother killed it with a hoe. I am sure it was the size of a boa constrictor. And I am sorry if any of you are snake lovers, I am not. EWWWW

Fighting the battle of loneliness...

I know I have written about loneliness before. How I can be lonely in my house is beyond me, but I am. I am torn from feeling guilt about wanting someone there just for me and my love for my family. God has me in this place right now for a reason, but why does it have to hurt so much? Why is there a feeling of emptiness?

Why do feelings and emotions add to the loneliness?

But oh how I want someone for me, someone to care about my day when I get home. I know that sounds incredibly selfish and demanding. I want to be held and hear that reassurance that everything is going to be okay.

I really hurt today. I just want it to stop.

Honest conversations...

To my dearest friend (and you know who you are) I really love our conversations. How I appreciate the openness and honesty. Thank you for being such a good friend, for allowing me to be me and you still put up with me. Thank you for making me laugh until my sides hurt.

I appreciate the fact that we can talk about anything, tell each other anything and we still feel comfortable with each other.

Continue fighting the good fight!

And now, back to me, get to work on my campaign.

TV SHOWS, MUSIC AND BOOKS

I wonder if God is trying to show me something? It seems every TV show, movie, book or song I see, hear or read is talking about something I am struggling with.

What happened to escaping when you turned on the television or opened a book?

Good grief. I give up.

HALLOWEEN FUN

First of all, one fall festival and trick or treating, and not one single Three Musketeer Bar! What is up with that? I guess I will survive..though barely..I will be strong.

We went trick or treating with my friend D.C. and her daughter in their neighborhood (since we don't even have a neighborhood, a bean field yes, neighborhood no). Even my 13 year old painted her face up like a cat-she was going to walk the smaller ones to the door. Though at first I wasn't going to let her trick or treat, because she will soon be 14, and I told her if you are almost a year away from getting your driver's permit, then you are too old to trick or treat. Well, D.C. turned traitor and said I should let her, and she just so happened to have an extra Halloween pail. Anyway all three kids had fun. Her daughter wanted to rush home to give out candy, how sweet is that! She was miserable the last few houses, thinking that she would not give any candy away.

One house had a guy standing out in the driveway holding what looked like a gun...I called it an Uzi, we wouldn't let our kids go up his drive. And we weren't subtle about it either (not that I am the subtle type anyway, just say what you need to say). Now, I am sure it wasn't a real gun, (but hey I live in the country in an area where men breathe hunting and fishing, so you never know), but we weren't taking chances.

Today I am taking my son to the doctor, he has an earache and a sore throat. I want to keep up with the tradition we started many years ago. Every holiday in addition to treats, gifts, parties, we also received Augmentin and Tylenol.

And I still want a Three Musketeer Bar..I like to eat the outside chocolate off first, then the middle. And I like a glass of milk with it.

I will survive..afterall I survived Uzi guy last night.

Thanks to D.C. and her sweet daughter. We had such a good time. It is a blessing to know you.