Sunday, June 30, 2013

A break....

It was brief.  I pulled into Sonic for Happy Hour and enjoyed a quiet respite. 

Went to Kroger to get a couple of things I forgot yesterday - then walked around Dollar General to just chill the heck out.  They asked about mom.  Sweet. 

I needed the break.

I came home and cooked two dishes - Homemade chili and homemade potato soup.  I love, love potato soup. Steve loves Chili. We topped off with watermelon.

Mom is restless tonight - very much so.  Pray I can get her settled - because I may go for a walk to "de-stress"

Sleep..

Is not happening for me'

Oh me oh my!

I have no idea where to start. And no clue as to laugh or cry.

A snippet of the past couple of days....

Guessing she thought that underneath the bathroom sink was a dishwasher or trash can...but yesterday mom scraped her breakfast plate in the bathroom cabinet plus emptied a trash can in there...I can't figure out how she slipped by me to do it. Sooooo had to wash all those towels, etc.

She was looking for her purse...so she took all covers off her bed...all clothes off  hangers and out of dresser. I found purse in her nightstand.

And our Walmart trip....we went to Walmart. I bought a mop. You would think she would have been excited, considering she loves to mop....but the mop just bothered her...soooo we check out....we are walking to the car. I have mop, purse on arm and pushing cart with one hand and holding mom's hand with another. She breaks away from me..."help, help, she bought a gun.  Help!"  I just froze. I had cart, mop and purse and my 83 year old mother RUNNING in parking lot. Fortunately a nice man stopped mom...he told me he knew what it was like...walked mom to the car...we put groceries in car...or should i say...threw them in (i am surprised my eggs weren't scrambled) and I just cried. Then I take her for a Whopper Jr, and she was fine.thank goodness for Burger King. Once home. She turned into sweet mom, fell asleep on couch. I was so glad to tuck her in!

Need much prayer!

I can laugh now. Thank goodness for laughter!








Friday, June 28, 2013

So I tried...

I tried ignoring these in the sink and going to bed....
However, I could not! I got up..did dishes, wiped counters, bagged up trash, wiped a bathroom down, and freshened up the living room.  
I  immediately felt better. I am my mother's daughter. It's a sickness! No known cure. Ha!

Thursday Visitors

Brandon and Davin, two of Steve's sons visited last night. Along with Jordan, Davin's girlfriend, and friend Dave visited last night. We missed Steven!

Me and Jordan

Brandon...hie is working to get his wife here. She is in Vietnam.
Davin and Jordan-- following a dream-moving to Colorado.

Father and son.....both were tired from a a hard work day.
Davin, Brandon and Steve....

Sam...

Late notice on camping trips, dirty socks in the floor, drinking glasses every where.

Protective, funny, a worrier, and a soldier at heart.

I love you Sam.




2:30 a.m.

I read it is a sign of menopause, or premenopause....what the heck ever. But I wake up every night/morning at 2:30! 

I did a load of laundry.

Hmmph

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Sections....

We cannot ignore, overlook, tweak to our liking, disregard, or toss away sections of the Bible.

5 judges along with millions of others did so yesterday. 

Texas..a state quick to apply the law...it's state government disregarded the value of a tiny heartbeat or a small hand.

I want to understand, I really do, but I cannot.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Monday

It is a good start to the week -  prayerfully, it will continue.

Productive day at work, just as I  knew she would be, Judy has found her groove. She is learning.  You really can't teach customer service, you just have to do it.  Product knowledge and such comes in time - as will names and who does what.  Just taking care of ours customers is my goal.  I brought home a few things to do for work - trying to stat on top of things.

I cooked a roast and potatoes in the crockpot today - we had that and a salad - it was all so good!  Something about coming home to your dinner ready to eat!  House smelling good.

I thought mom was going to have a bad night - she sure was showing the signs - so instead of fighting it, I just left her alone - I made sure her mom and duster were handy - and she just started cleaning.  She is now dozing on the couch. 

I watered flowers - though it looks like it is going to rain. Momma bird laid another egg, I water that plant from afar...she just fusses when I come out.  Papa bird keeping an eye out from the safety of the roof.

It was a year ago this week - we moved mom in.  One year.  Wow.  I keep thinking back to how her house was emptied in one  night thanks to our church family.  What a blessing. I cannot imagine mom living by herself in the stage she is in right now - and there are many Alzheimer/Dementia patients who do.  There are so many decisions/choices to make - it is hard when they protest - but we must do what is right. There are many who do not have families to help take care of them. God just opened doors at all the right times.

I have this flower bed in our back yard...well not a flower bed anymore - an eyesore - thanks to Barney and his doings.  I want to turn it into a rock garden - but that will have to wait.  So I am going to have my tiller...aka SAM....break up the ground clean it up - and throw some wildflower seeds out there and see what happens - it surely cannot look worse than it does now.  Barney has really done a number in our back yard.  Hmmph.  Good think I love him. 

Please continue to pray for two friends as they face trouble spots in their marriage.  I hurt for them.







Sunday, June 23, 2013

Musings...

I know I probably should have been more productive this weekend...housework and such that probably should be done.  I freshened (I think of Carla every time I say this!) up the house tonight - where does dust come from!?

I was thinking of today's message and the songs that were sang.  As if they were planned for my gauntlet of emotions that I was feeling.  I struggle with feelings of failure and insecurity all the time - it is a huge battle. My favorite song is Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave - it is beautiful.  Choir sang it today - the message from Jeremiah - everything seemed to be speaking to me.

 I have areas where I need to improve greatly - money management - (I can honestly say - I don't blow money - I feel guilty when I buy things...yesterday we went to Kohls...and I stressed over three tops - walked around the store for 30 minutes trying to decide) but I forget to record when I buy or when something is due...or when I pay something..... then I go into panic mode.  Diane tells me I just have too much on my plate....I don't know if that is a valid excuse..  But trust me if it can happen - it happens to me.  I can mail a bill, it will get lost in the mail - I arrange payment on the phone...then the original clears the same moment - then I have a mess.  Steve gets so aggravated...furious with me.  But it is not my fault....   The IRS said we owed $4,000 - I knew we didn't owe - I had to fight it tooth and nail - but I proved them wrong.  We have Direct TV - they have messed up on our bill twice - this last time - I paid the bill - the check cleared - but they said we didn't pay.  I told them I was ready to pack up the equipment and send back to them collect -  they made me feel so small - but by golly - I proved them wrong - I kid you not - it was tons of emails, but I refused to give in.  I knew I was right.  One year, our tax refund was offset - due to an error of keying in our SS#'s - it took letters to our State Representative - copies of everything to prove that we didn't owe child support - I wanted to say we are owed about $7,000 in  back child support.  Which our lovely government is holding a payment that was made for six months - go figure!  Hmmph.  Money management - how can I get better?    I really do feel like a failure in this area.

My weight - I need and want to lose weight.  I know I would feel better. 

There are other areas I need to improve on......hmmmmmm...but these two are like weights pulling me into an ocean...

Redeemed.  I am saved.  I know Jesus died for me.  Why can't I totally and completely give Him these two things I struggle with?

Redeemed. 

....





Much better...

Mom is better. She took a nap.

Whew!

Mountaintop to the valley...

After a good night, great morning, lunch mom has lost it. Real violent and abusive. 

It is hard trying to keep her from hurting herself without hurting her as she is kicking and pounding and such.

Whew. Need much prayer.

Loyal and loving?

Not a chance....

They were trying to get to my cantaloupe!


Church! Worship!

We went to church today!

Awesome worship music, wonderful message...it was a blessing to see our church family..mom did great. 



Saturday, June 22, 2013

Saturday stuff....

Mom slept all night...I was very restless due to lawnmower fall. But I enjoyed not getting up and down.

I treated us to donuts this morning. Beating baseball moms and yard sale folks..I managed to get chocolate and glazed....then went to Dollar General to get laundry pods -and such. All before 8:00.  Mom loved her donut and coffee.

I swept off porches and set up a kiddie pool for dogs. At first they were not to sure ...now Barney loves it. I just saw him jumping up and down like a yo yo. Kylee still not sure.

Right now I am being lazy..I need to go to grocery shop and pick up house. That can wait.

Have a good day!

Murder, She Wrote

Mom received a lovely gift in mail Thursday. What a blessing!  Thank you so much Janis!

I was able to take a shower without interruption. A gift in itself.

We are enjoying it right now. 




Prayer...

Please pray for Melecia's sister. She is in hospital with heart trouble. 

Pray for two friends..marriage struggles. Satan attacks families! We cannot let him!

Judy is working out great..I'm praying we can get her to full time. They could use it!

Hey! When was that put there?

I needed to do something physical. I was just drained mentally and emotionally.

I decided to mow (Sam will mow again this week. He has stayed with mom a lot this week..). I needed to see results of something I worked on.

Grass was thick, I mowed over yard twice. I bet Sam mows again this week...so it won't get that way again.

The one tree we have on the side... I was mowing and didn't pay attention to a tree root...well that won't happen again! I hit the root and flipped off mower! Mower did not flip. I'm thankful not to be hurt - other than being super sore now. 

Whew! When did that root get there? On yeah...probably about 11 years ago!


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Diane.....

Diane had dinner with us last night. I was so thrilled and happy to have company! To laugh and talk. I am so blessed to call her friend!

Mom was slightly jealous that not all my attention was focused on her.  But she was just sweetly confused, and I had to "fix" her purse about a dozen times. Which is really me unzipping and zipping back again.







Judy....

My sister, Judy started yesterday working with me.

God answered prayer all the way around. I needed help, she needed a job. What a blessing!

I really do think it will work out just fine. I have such peace about it all.

Wide awake!

3:39 am and wide awake. I just can't sleep!

Mom is asleep. House is quiet. But I can't sleep!




Monday, June 17, 2013

Nesting in a hanging basket....

I don't know if it has been deserted...but I was placing my hanging pots on the walk to allow rain to soak them...

And inside one was this.....

 And trust me the picture makes it look bigger than it is. It is size of jelly bean.

Even for the sparrows....God provides.


686

I saw a hill side with similar crosses today.  686 of them in fact.  686 Abortions in Memphis and Shelby county the month of May.    This number stood out to be because I went for my yearly check up and I saw expectant mothers, posters of babies, advertisements for 4D Ultrasounds - done at the age of many abortions - I was just sick.

686 little ones who could have had names like Mary, Josh, Beth, Johnny, Valerie, Tommy, Vanessa,.......

686 little ones who could have grown up to be teachers, pastors, store clerks, truck drivers, neighbors.....

686 little ones who will never have a first day of school, a sleep over, make mud pies... and put bugs in jars...

God, forgive us for allowing it to happen.



IMAGES OF FIGHTING ALZHEIMERS....

I don't mean to whine or poor mouth.  I can't imagine how mom and the millions suffering from this hateful disease feels...I looked up images for fighting Alzheimer's - for an image that expressed how I felt.

Here are a few....
 
 
 
 
 
 
I share the above - because there is so much research on Alzheimer's.  Wordy articles, pictures, graphics...but I want doctors, scientists, researchers, and to see this picture..
 
 
Hi, my name is Martha - I am 83 years old.  I like chicken salad, Diet coke, cookies, Rice Krispies, and blueberry cake.  I used Ponds cold cream for years - my skin is beautiful or so I am told.  My husband, Charles, would buy me a bottle of Charlie cologne every year for Christmas - just because his name was Charles.  I used to watch Murder She Wrote and Diagnosis Murder- and will still watch them when Becky can find them on.   I have three daughters, tons of grandchildren - from grands to greats...
 
Hi, my name is Martha, I have Alzheimer's.  Remember me and all those like me.  Remember,  because I can't. 
 
 


Moved...

I moved offices.  I and my future helper/coworker are in a different building - we are off to ourselves.

Before the move - I was in the front desk by the reception window.  I cannot tell you how many times a day I got up to greet people at the window - a lot!  I was near the copier - so anyone who came in to use the copier - and they had an issue - I usually had to get up to help!  I was by a printer  - used to create UPC labels, etc (That was an old duty of mine) - however, if anyone needed a quick label - they came to me.  Now, I am not complaining, I enjoy my job and I am strong at multi-tasking - but after the set up of the new office and me leaving early for doctor's appointment - I saw the difference in not having the constant interruptions.  It is unreal!  I didn't realize how much stress those little interruptions brought in the day.  I am sure tomorrow being a full "regular day" for me, I will see a difference. Tuesday is usually a very busy day for us. 

We received 31,000 calls for last month.  21,000 of those calls were filtered through customer service at some point.  Wow.  We saw the need for improvement and the extra help.  We also saw the need for me being freed up a bit more.  There are some things I will need to adjust - things I need to handle and do in the other building - but I hope to create a schedule of sorts for it to be routine.

Again, I am blessed to have an employer who has generously worked around my schedule - caring for mom - and with the ability to work from home to stay caught up.  God really provided all the way around. 

Doctor Visit...

I went for  a check up today.  All was fine.  Surprisingly given my job, and my home life - my blood pressure was LOW.  Not dangerously so - but low.  :)

But I am thankful for good reports!  And no copay for preventative care!



ZZZZZZZZZ

Did not happen last night. Ugh!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Responsive readings....

Do you remember responsive readings, and I'm not talking about from a screen...from the back of a Hymnal. 

The Hymnal probably had a label in the front dedication or in memory of.  In between the covers beautiful God breathed songs.

I always loved responsive reading.. Everyone in synch and focused on one thought.

I'm so glad that I  hearing on KLove and other stations versions of the old hymns.
I hate the thought of those beautiful songs being "put to rest." Because they are old.

Sigh......

Mom just laid down. 

She never stopped today. She has been walking - walking - walking around this house since 5:00 AM. 

Whew. 

The change of scenery did  help. As did the Legos we played with when we arrived home.  I did not have much time for housework this weekend - I am going to freshen up the house before bed.  I had to wash a lot of her clothes, socks and undergarments - she had mixed up dirty, wet stuff with all the clean - I couldn't tell what was what.  It was one way to get clothes sorted. 

Sam has football tomorrow, I have a doctor's appointment - check up.  I am going to mention my headaches.  Don't know if it will do any good - this is my yearly check up for girlie stuff.   I am moving into new office area - my sister, Judy - has been hired to assist in customer service - so I will be training her. 

I must admit - I am tired and very discouraged.  Feelings of failure are just pouring over my head....

Their dad has a job - I received legal notice - child support will be deducted  - bet he quits.

Much on my mind.

To my daddy....

I miss you more today than ever. 

I want to see your birthday dance, bring you a cup of coffee, and give you a hug where your Old Spice lingers just a bit.

I love you!


To Steve...

Happy Father's Day.

I love you!

Man of Steel, pizza, with four Cornelius Men

Last night Steve and I treated His sons, Davin (and his girlfriend Jordan), Steven, and newly married Brandon (he went to Vietnam...married trying to get her here.)
To see Man of Steel and pizza.

We had a good time.

Here are four of my favorite guys: 

.

Mom

This little lady has wore me out. She has been a handful. Up at 5:00 this morning...she slept I think 3 hours. We had tummy issues...messes. Ugh,

She has been mean, clingy, crying, hitting, laughing, hungry, fighting over medicine. I'm discouraged and trying hard not to be resentful. Today I could quit.

I know my two day headache and backache are stress related. 

Sorry for whining.....I had to vent.




Right now for a change of scenery we are at Magaritas...eating a taco.

Pray for a better rest of the day.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

It's hot...

What you don't see is the heat index. I saw a bank sign today that read 101 degrees and 20 minutes later it read 102!

Hmmph!

Went into the Kroger on the turn where I work today before I went home.

All was okay until last aisle. Across from the kool-aid, Capri-sun, and other kid drinks. Diagonal from cookie dough at eye level to a five year old was a shiny display. It caught my eye..I looked twice. 

Small cans of ready to drink - alcohol included..margarita! Looks like an energy drink. I am furious! I can picture kids picking them up in fascination!

Hmmph! I'm writing a letter.

I was going to brag on the watermelon I bought...but I'm stewing on this! Hmmph!

So let me get this straight...

A 12 year old girl needs her parents to sign a form to get her ears pierced, she needs mom to sign a permission slip to hear a Christian speaker, she can't go on a field trip without a parents signature.

But....

She can go into a pharmacy and buy the morning after pill?

I don't get it! Hmmph 

Mowing...

I have never been a huge believer in paying Tori and Sam allowance. Mainly when I was a single mom and during our tough times here, I was fortunate to buy groceries. And they knew to help out, I used to take both with me when I cleaned houses and offices. 

But, because I have such a full plate, Sam will be paid $15 to mow the yard, he did it tonight, and did a good job. A girl at work, lives in our neighborhood and has offered to pay Sam to mow her yard. 

I hope Sam will have a strong work ethic. I believe hard work cures a lot of what ails a person. :). 

Manager of the Month

Tori was manager of the month at McDonalds. The received a bonus. 

I am proud!

101

Is the temp today.

Yep it's summer!

Therapy in a cup....


Equal to a Route 44 Dr. Pepper....

And a regular (not decaf) sweet tea from McAllisters...


Monday, June 10, 2013

Exhausted

I am exhausted. It hurts to lift my arms. 

I can't say it is mom, I just hurt and I am wore out for some reason.

I didn't feel like yard work tonight. I guess one more day won't hurt.
 

Sunday, June 09, 2013

The prettiest part of our yard....


We sooo need to mow...but I'm enjoying these beauties!

Sunday...Sunday...Sunday...oh, where are you Monday?

I am going to say it right now - mom is about to drive me batty.  She is a handful today.  She woke up mean again - and accused me of trying to poison her.  She did another 3 hours of mopping - that snapped her out of it. 

I made sandwiches for lunch - she wanted hot food - oh well!  She had sandwich, chips, fruit, a slice of sweet cake and glass of milk - I am guessing she won't starve.

Bath time came and that was a hoot!  I tell her I am there to make sure of no falls but I am NOT an active participant - that is something she can handle.  ha ha ha ha ha.

She is super antsy and nervous and I cannot put my finger on it.  As I type this - she has emptied her purse about 10 times.  I have zipped, organized her purse several times.  I found two kitchen towels - so one mystery solved.

She just ate this snack along with a glass of milk - wolfed it down actually...and though this isn't the one I made, I can say mine looked just liked it!  Recognize Peanut Butter and Banana?

I am trying to decide if mom's nervousness and such - is because of me - am I doing something wrong?  Not being attentive enough? Not patient enough?  I have to admit, I have been lazy this weekend - no energy to do much.  I didn't want to do anything.  I feel so tired. 

I can't change mom, there is not one thing I can do.  I try to stay on routine - but trust me with Alzheimer patients that is hard - you have to allow for flexibility. 

Please be in prayer that the remaining hours of the day improve and that I am a better caregiver. A better daughter, mom, wife and friend.



Saturday Fun.....well...sorta....

If nothing else, I have learned I have to start out slow on Saturday's with mom.  She woke up super mean - and it took a while for her to come out of it.  She literally mopped three hours yesterday (and today) before she was back to just normal Alzheimer mom.

I took her to get her hair cut - that was a fight in itself - but had to be done - once we are actually inside the door - she is fine - it is just the getting there that is the chore....

Here she is getting her hair washed - please note the purse and the sweater (it was like 90 degrees out!)

And here is the final cut - looks good - we went shorter and more tapered - just because it is easier for ummmm....ME!

She provided comic relief at the salon yesterday


After mom's haircut, we went to Walmart to grocery shop. It is always a challenge to take her shopping...she turns into Meryl Streep...Oscar worthy performances. She moans and says she is sooooo weak (never mind the walks all day and can climb a fence), then she's starving, and adds to the cart.

When I was TRYING to find meat ... she went up to a man and told him I had kidnapped her. Oh brother! (Meat was too picked over! Hmmph) And I am going to have a grocery store run to another store to buy some meat.

 After more moaning, complaints, etc - and a craving for a Route 44 Dr. Pepper to calm nerves - we checked out.  


And then.....we arrive home...nerves somewhat calmer.

Call me graceful...unpacking groceries, I slip on a wet spot..slide across floor, hit cabinet in utility room, a glass bowl falls off shelf, praise The Lord, didn't break. Mom sees it happen, she runs (found her strength from shopping trip)... out the door yelling "Imogene help." Imogene is really my sister, Judy,  and I know her she wouldn't have helped  -she would have laughed.

I was going to try to mow. It has waited this long a couple more days won't hurt.

 And then.....


Sam is a such a teenager!  Battle of wills between us last  night - but I could not tolerate total disrespect and a smart tongue.  Like his sister did many times before -  he was grounded for the night ( I do one day at a time unless the "crime" is severe) and he had to copy Psalm 119.  I am happy to tell you he survived his punishment. 

 






Thursday, June 06, 2013

Soooooooo tired!

I am so tired. Drained.

Work has been extremely tough this week.  I was on the phone for three hours with conference calls. Whew!

I came home tonight and cooked hamburgers...and have been vegging out  in the recliner.

Mom has had a good week. We've been blessed to have Debbie this week. She is awesome!  Mom has blown her away with her appetite and her love of cleaning.

I've been lazy this week, I had good intentions to mow, but I just could not muster the energy. Now it really looks like it needs mowing! Right now, I don't care, but will later I'm sure.

Pray we all rest tonight. 




Sunday, June 02, 2013

Focus on the Family

Every broadcast this past week was relevant to what is going on in my life.

Listen to the Memorial Day Broadcast. Softening a Crusty Heart. Life changing.

I'm listening right now to the two part program on PMS and Menopause, men and women need to listen to them.

I strongly encourage you to listen to FOCUS regularly. 






Eating Out...


Mom has had a good Sunday..,weekend actually. 

Our weekly outing is at Olympic restaurant today....she is eating salad.

Thankful for good days!


Her own words...

She knows what she is saying. Sometimes I can figure it out. Sometimes I cannot.

She has her own names for things. She uses gestures for some. 

 Mom gets so frustrated, you can tell she had the word in mind but what comes out is sooooo different. All I can say "it is okay..we'll get it."   All the while, I'm praying I do.

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Appreciating a rainy Saturday...



I know for many people a rainy Saturday is not fun. But I am sitting here thinking about why I appreciate them...

1. Mom is quiet. She will sleep later and stay calmer. 

2.  Rain waters the flowers...and I don't have to do it. Yes, I know, lazy.

3. Why mop when it rains? Tracks from dogs and others keep showing up. 

4. The trees all around look so green. We've had a lot of rain.

5.  We will be begging for this relief in July and August.

6.  I seem to rest better.

7.  Did I mention mom is calmer? Ha!



SATURDAY MOVIE--DRIVING MISS DAISY

I watched this today.  I still cry at the end!



 

Projects Completed!





Yeah!  Completed my to do list!  I am so excited.  Monday will be so much easier.

186

Is the number of emails I received yesterday. My goal before hitting the pillow last night, was to answer and respond to all of them. 

I am grateful to be able to work from home.  After mom went to bed, I parked myself in my recliner and accomplished my goal. Whoo hoo! Then I went back through deleted and sent to make sure I was satisfied. Today I have a few things work wise to take care of, I wanted my eyes to be fresh before I answered. 

I am working on ideas to handle email and call volume. I definitely want our customers taken care of and I do not want a single one falling through the cracks. 

But right now..I'm going to read God's word and catch up on some devotionals. 
Without His word, His presence, and prayer, I sooooo flounder.