Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Football

When you are cheering or yelling at the boys on the field remember they have practiced in 100+ degree Temps in full gear.

They All play to win. But remember to cheer them on no matter the score. There are no words to say after a hard loss. Just be there. The competition is good for them. But remember it is these young men playing not you!

I thought I was ready....

I thought I was ready for Tori to move. I'm not.

I am near tears as I type this. I feel as if I'm not needed. I've raised her to be independent. I just worry about life choices.

What if she gets sick? What if she doesnt have groceries and not eating properly. Will she lock her doors? Will she study? What type of friends will be over there?

What if I've missed something in teaching? I'm just sick with worry and sadness. I guess Im being silly.

People tell me I won't worry as much - that I will enjoy visits and raids on our refrigerator.

I hope so.

Now her brother on the other hand is looking forward to it. Ha ha! He said "mom she's never home, she makes messes and is grouchy all the time!" Ahhh the love between brother and sister.

I've had so many changes of late...just overwhelming!

A Poem

My friend Diane sent this to me in an email...I do not know where it originated...if it is true, etc...but it really touched me and I know it will you.


When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.


Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.



One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.



And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man



What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?

What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?

A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,

Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'

Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.

And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?

Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.

At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,

Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.

I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.

And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.

It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.

There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,

And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells

I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.

And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.

Not a cranky old man .

Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!



Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!



PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM!

The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart!

WHEN I LEFT THIS MORNING.....

When I left this morning mom was......can you guess?????

Mopping!!!!

ha ha ha

She had a good night and seems to be having a good day.

Praise the Lord!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Clean floors

Mom has mopped my floors so much they are slick!

Ha ha

Thankful

I am thankful for the rain showers we are getting right now!

I am thankful for a full nights sleep last night.

I am thankful mom had a good day.

I am thankful for God's provision.

I am thankful for The Cross.

Whoo hoo!

We made it to both am and pm services yesterday! Hopefully we can do Sunday School soon.

She enjoyed both services. So did I!
Crosspointe is awesome!

Mom has had a few good days. Yeah!!!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Tori

Tori my baby girl has decided she wants to move in with friends.

I have raised her to be independent. To work hard. Now it is time for her to fly with those wings.

I'm so proud of her. She seems to be gone more than home lately but I will miss pony tail holders, flip flops, and drinking glasses in weird places.

Pray with me for her to make wise choices, to focus on school, to be true to herself and what she has been taught.

Tori, I love you. You will always have a home.

2:15

Yep, I'm awake!

What is it about this time? Mom was up for a minute but went back to bed.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Best she could......

Tonight after dinner I went outside to sweep off porch and patio. Mom stayed inside and got it in her head to clean.

I think she dusted, swept, mopped. It really looked okay... But whatever!

I came in from outside and then is what she said ..,,"Lord Becky, I did the best I could with your house. "


Ha ha ha

Trapped and other stuff

Mom seemed like she was trapped deeper into her mind yesterday. I couldn't figure out where she was.

If you are reading this and you are at the beginning of caring for a person with Alzheimer's or something similar...

They will answer no to everything. No they are not hungry and you know they haven't eaten.. Fix something anyway and sit down with them! Don't walk away keep them company as they eat.

You know they have taken their medicine you gave it to them and watched them swallow... But they will argue .. Distract them and say it is not time. Heck if you have to get some small candies and give that to them. Worked for me the other day. Smarties look like medicine.

Bath time.. Tell them you are going out. And if you have to go get a coke or ice cream afterwards as a treat.

Give them something to do. They need to feel useful, helpful and wanted. I blew this one last night because I was tired and just wanted to sit down . Mom likes to clean.

Forgive yourself if you mess up. Move forward.

Don't stress over the small stuff.

2:00 am

Like clockwork I wake up at this time every morning and so does mom!

She has gone back to bed but my mind turns in what seems like 100 different directions. The how to's, what if's, the to do list.

Prayerfully I will go back to sleep soon. I will watch crime tv that seems to be my sleeping pill!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Thankful

I am thankful for a sweet card that I received today from Carla.

I needed it! I cried!

Paint chips at Walmart

Tori watched mom for me after Melecia left and took Sam to football. This gave me a precious hour or so of time away.

I ended up just walking around Walmart looking at paint colors. We plan to do our room next. Steve is going to take the samples to another source where he gets a discount.

That being said my brief time away from reality was a gift!

One of those

I will become one of those! I plan to mow grass in the morning. You know the type..the one that makes your neighbors cringe! It's worse than the yard sale neighbor!

Who am I?

Tonight I don't feel like a good mom. I don't feel as if I'm a good wife. Or friend, sister or daughter.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted to the point I can't think straight!

A lot on my mind. Mom, my marriage , kids, finances, and a job I know I need that- I'm blessed to have but I'm not happy at.

And darn it I need a haircut and color to cover roots.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

ALZHEIMER CAREGIVER

As a caregiver I am my mom's voice. Sometimes that is hard to do. 

Sometimes it is hard for doctors, nurses to accept.  But when you spend so much time with a person, taking care of them, watching them, etc...you know them really well.  And mom is like a child.

That being said...do not be afraid to let your loved one's doctor know what is going on, what works, what you are doing, what you don't want to do, etc.  They see them in the office for maybe 10 minutes if we are lucky.   

I am blessed that our doctor listens, cares, etc.  But some do not have that.  I would drop that doctor faster than a hot potato.

MOM AND THE DISHWASHER

The other day mom called my name....


"Becky come in here - there is water every where in the cabinet" 

I rush in there....

She had opened the dishwasher mid cycle - it was full of water - and of course it is under the cabinet.

She was trying to drain it cup by cup.

ha ha ha ha ha

DUST MOP

My mother loves loves to Dust Mop. She will take the little mop and just mop for an hour or more. (I don't know what that says about my floors - but hey - whatever works to help her!)

She also has taken to carrying a cloth around and wiping down pictures and furniture.

She has always been an awesome house cleaner - you could literally eat off her floors. (Mine aren't there...yet!)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Child support

I have tried never to bash Tori and Sam's dad.... He is their dad. Steve and I have encouraged then to call, write, email, invite, etc. He and his parents. They are no longer babies so I don't do it for them. But he is reaping what he has sown...they have learned not to expect much. Sam is more forgiving than Tori-so there is still a chance. The relationship they have or don't have with him is totally separate from child support. They want him to call or send a card. They don't want gifts they just want and need time and love from him.

But their dad has made some selfish choices...not even trying. We just wanted to see effort...but have seen none!

Now legally he is in trouble. He needs to catch up and call in.

I hate controversy. We understand he has other children, a wife and responsibilities but if mine were living with him..,he'd have to support them. We honestly just wanted to see effort but as I said before we have seen none. I have prayed he would do right or make an attempt at it.

But now I'm allowing the courts to handle it. Prayerfully resolution will come soon.

Like a child

I know mom is not a child.... But she keeps me busier than any toddler.

I could probably call the mom of a two year old and so sympathize! I could say "really! Let me tell you what mine did with the dishwasher this morning! Now I know why I run it at bedtime!"

That's a story for another time!

Steve and shoes

Steve bought me a pair of slip on shoes. Awww

Could have been diamonds!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Stubborn Mom

Mom is feeling better. But tonight we have stubborn mom in the house!

She refuses to go to bed. So she is sleep on couch fully dressed, sitting straight up with purse in lap.

Ha ha'

Rice Krispies

I know every one has been stressed and worried. I picked up a box of Rice Krispies. Mom will be happy - she has been without her daily bowl for three days. I'm surprised she isn't going through withdrawal.

I'm sure everyone will sleep better tonight. Rest well!

Ha ha

Eggs

I managed to grocery shop tonight. Whoo hoo!

I had coupons at Kroger for free coffee, water bottles, pop tarts and eggs. I was so excited.

I got home with our groceries...house was total chaos! Mom, Sam, Steve and two dogs. Every one had something to say or needed me! Sam and Steve bring in the groceries.....I hear a splat! I knew immediately what it was! My free eggs!!!!

I salvage some....I like boiled eggs and egg salad - so I boil some slightly cracked ones...well mom throws them away after they cooled!

I'm thinking we weren't supposed to have eggs this week,

Ahhhhh back to confused and bewildered mom

Who would have thought I would miss her?

She's back to her confused, mixed up self. Arguing about eating, Medicine, locked doors, and telling me she is going to divorce Steve for cheating on her, Ha ha!

I am so thankful to Melecia for having mom drink liquids at every turn to flush the hateful Medicine out of her system.

Haldol

This is the new medicine the doctor gave mom.

It is horrible! It made mom a zombie!

She couldn't walk or talk this morning!

I do not recommend this medicine at all. There obviously is no quality of life.

I know....

I know you can never get back the sleep you loose....

But yesterday I felt rested and somewhat destressed. But now I'm exhausted all over again.

Mom was up and down all night. Im tempted to take the doors off her closet! Ugh!

Hard to be patient....

I'm not in the mood to be patient!

Shame on me!

Mom and the closet door

Mom has spent the past 30 minutes opening and closing her closet door.

I came in her room she thought it was a door to the outside and a man was on the other side.

I'm now laying down with her.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Out of Rice Krispies.....

We are out of Rice Krispies! Not good. Because mom loves them!

She will have to be strong'

Ha ha

Normally..,,

Normally I would jump at chance to run to grocery store- if just to get a break from home. I just don't want to leave the house.

I just don't feel like stretching my brain to budget!

I'm just lazy!

NCIS

I'm watching a NCIS marathon.

The new TV season starts soon. We do not have recording capability - I will miss the new shows because I will be cheering on #60!

Ya think CBS would switch nights for me? Ha ha

I rather be watching Sam any day of the week!!!

Back from camp!

Sam is back from camp. Since school has been out he has gone on three camping trips with Royal Rangers.

He had so much fun. Learned a lot. I so appreciate the men who invest their time and energy into these boys.

Football begins this week. We have cleats!

Rough week...

I wrote earlier that mom had a rough week.

Melecia handled the days like a champ. Though I know she had to be worn out.

The nights were horrible. I wish I could adequately describe it. She was verbally abusive to Steve, Tori and I. We dealt with some physical stuff too.

I am sad. I am tired. I am worried. I am stressed.

Mom literally follows me around all day room to room. I come out of bathroom she is there. Just like a two year old.

She is now on a different medicine. She has felt bad. I guess her mind and body getting used to the changes. I know she had had a stomach ache and a headache.

We haven't been to church since the Sunday before July 4th. I feel lonely and cut off from the world.

I guess I am selfish. I can only imagine how mom feels - not able to describe feelings.

We need prayer in so many areas!

Mom and her purse......

Today mom fiddled, emptied, rearranged her purse for almost three hours.

She then would put it up and forget where she put it and then open every drawer, door, cabinet looking for it.

Right now it is in her lap. I hope it stays there!

Friday, July 20, 2012

You cannot....

You cannot argue with an Alzheimer's patient.  You cannot reason.  You cannot prove a point. 

It will frustrate them and you.

Speak in short sentences, don't be negative, be patient, and speak slowly and clearly.


Now, only if I only follow my own advice...

HMMPH!

Meleciaisms......

Melecia is so pratcial.

I am going to try to remember some of the things she says.

But here is one of my favorites...

When mom has been real good and had a good day.  Melecia will say...

"She's been so sweet, you can taste sugar."

Hard week....

This has been a hard week.  Mom just hasn't behaved! 

We all are wore out.  I will probably think of some funny things later - but be in prayer. We are switching to a new medicine that hopefully will help us.  Pray that it works with little to no side effects.

A piece of marriage advice.....

I can be, have been, and will probably be called a NAG.

I grew up differently from Steve. Not to mention when we  came into marriage - both of us were scarred from previous marriages. 

I firmly believe you get out of bed in the morning and get moving - no laying around. That is how I was raised.  You don't dilly dally.  You get your stuff done. And there is always something to be done.  Now admittedly I have learned to relax more and not stress about a little dust, etc. 

We were painting a room - Steve said he was going to do it.  We moved all furniture out, etc.  Leaving house in disarray - I don't do disarray.  It drives me insane.  He has been off this week -and it was killing me for him not to be painting yesterday when I was work! 

I get home, no painting done.  I hold my tongue - I refuse to nag!  But mind sure was!

But last night - after dinner - he starts painting and paints until about 2:00. 

The lesson is - be patient, be flexible and don't nag!  It will get done, maybe not how you (I) like it - but it will.

I so appreciate the freshly painted room!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Tired

I am beyond tired.

Mom and I are eating dinner and I'm missing her cornbread.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Loneliness

Today I feel lonely. Cut off from the world.

Mom has had a rough weekend. I'm wore out. So tired I hurt.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Weedeater!!!!!!

Obviously this gal has no luck with Weedeaters! I don't get it. I'm reasonably intelligent, can put things together, etc. But for some reason once a weedeater enters our driveway - it doesn't work right!

I borrowed my sisters weedeater and I can't work it!

I just pulled weeds by hand!

But I will try again later!

Hmmph!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mom and Melecia

When Melecia left this afternoon... Mom said..."I love her."

What an awesome awesome blessing!

A thought on marriage....

It's okay to be nice to your spouse!

It's okay to say thank you to your husband or wife.

It's okay to compliment or brag on your mate to others.

Me....again!

I have been thinking about a lot of things. Of course mom always seems to be at top of list.

But there are a few other things.,,

1. I want us-my family to get financially fit! We have struggled for so long and still are hurting but I know God will show us the way! I will be reading Dave Ramsey's book.

2. I want to take care of myself. I want to walk and lose weight. Exercise more. I feel less stressed after walking.

3. Dental work. I've had issues for awhile but mom in her violent times broke my teeth twice. I feel so ugly

These may seem selfish and vain. But I so want to take care of these.

Sundowning!

A common occurrence with alzheimer patients ..... With mom!

Look up Alzheimer Reading Room! I love this sight.

Today they talked about sundowning. At our house it starts around 4:30 and will last until about 7:00 every night!

Mom gets super agitated and grouchy. She wanders and paces. I get home at 5:00. But today I learned a few new tips,....

I opened all the blinds to let sunshine in. And I gave mom a task. She dusted. Every room. Using a feather duster. This accomplished a couple of things she walked around room to room satisfying her need to check things out safely! But it helped her feel useful and needed. She is needed!

Not to mention the house is dusted!! Ha ha!


We ate a good dinner. With her critique of what I did and didn't do!

Seriously google Alzheimer Reading Room... it has become a lifeline for me.


Random pics......

Random pics from stuff I have talked about.


The Pencil Sharpener that hung in a closet for years...... no telling how many pencils have been sharpened.  I remember when dad put it up.




One of many labels throughout my house.....they are working.


Mom eating dinner last night.... country cookin'.  Just call me Betty Crocker.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Me

Right now at this second - I'm so depressed and discouraged.

I'm tired but I know I won't sleep.

Labels and signs....

I have labeled most of the cabinets and doors on our house. I did this to help mom locate and put away things.

Selfishly, I'm having a hard time with this. I know it helps her, prompts her to read, stop and think. But I'm not liking the looks of the labels and signs. I know that is terrible of me. And I feel terrible for feeling this way.

On the upside I'm not finding socks in the kitchen cabinets and she is feeling more independent not having to ask where everything is, etc.

Mom at the beauty shop.....

I took mom to get a haircut yesterday.

I had already cleaned house, did laundry, picked up some stuff outside...so I did not look my best. Not to mention Sam and I finished packing for his camping trip and we picked up a tent from my sisters house!

So we get to the beauty shop. Sam is with us, he gets his buzzed/trimmed. Mom is seated. Then she says....
"excuse how my daughter looks...she didn't take the time to get ready!"

Needless to say she provided comic relief for those in the hair place.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Saturday

Have to forgive myself for not being so patient today.

I feel antsy and nervous. I'm sure it did not help mom today. Part of my problem is Sam leaves for camp tomorrow and this momma bird will miss her little.... Ummmmm ...man size voice changing chick! As I mentioned in an earlier post I am hoping my snippets of advice will stick!

I did take mom to get her haircut and to Mcdonalds, I think she inhaled her fries!


Steve and I went to see "Ted" don't waste your money. Tacky and tasteless. Hmmph!!!!! But it was nice to get out - just the two of us. Tori sat with mom! She offered! Thanks Tori!

My hips and back are super bothering me. I am guessing arthritis.

I have a couple of funny stories but will share them later. Of course they involve mom!

Going to camp

Sam leaves for camp tomorrow. Real camping! Tents, outdoor showers, hiking, just fun stuff.

He will be gone all week. He is taking so much stuff! Of course I have tons of motherly advice-I'm sure a lot of it being ignored. But maybe a little nugget will sink in. :)

When he returns he's home for about three days and leaves again for another camp.

I know he will have fun. I'm proud of him. I love him!

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Grocery shopping, mom, the police officer and Burger King

Did grocery shopping early this week. And I took mom with me.

As we were shopping she walked ahead of me ..... she spots a police officer in uniform shopping with his wife. She goes up to him and says... "excuse me, this girl is starving me to death and keeps me locked up and never let's me out of the house!" (mind you we are in the grocery store when she is doing this!) He looks at me, I just shrug and bust out laughing. And then he does too. Mom is in a huff but we walk on.

Now we are in parking lot. She holds her stomach and starts moaning loudly "oh, I'm starving I'm so dizzy and weak. I want Burger King!" Oh brother!

We finally get in car- we go to Burger King...and it's a miracle! She feels so much better! Amazing the power of a Whopper Jr and fries!

100 degrees outside.....

But I'm freezing inside. I don't feel that great! Ugh!

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Mom and dinner dishes

Mom has always always kept a super clean house. My house is clean probably not as detailed clean as hers because I've always worked outside the home.

Now she lives with us.

As I cook dinner I wash pots and pans as I go. But of course we have dinner dishes....as soon as mom has swallowed her last bite she is ready to do those dishes. The problem is some nights we aren't finished! I can't make her understand. Last night she took my plate - I was still eating!!!! Ha ha

And then she will say sarcastically "that's ok Becky you just sit there and I'll do all the work"

Ha ha ha

Wide awake

I went to bed early feeling so bad. Now I'm wide awake at 2:00 am feeling worse.

Mom didn't feel that great either. I've heard her get up but now she sleeps.

I have a funny story I will share later about her cleaning the kitchen. it involved major tongue clucking!

Words linger....

Keep in mind words linger long after they leave your mouth.

Choose your words.

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

CREATING MEMORIES

I am sure I have written it before - but 4th of July or Indenpence Day is like Christmas to Sam. To say that he is one of the most patriotice 14 year olds would be an understatement. He loves our country and totally respects those who have fought and served. And he literally tears up at the playing of our National Anthem.

Being Sam he loves loves loves fireworks.

We checked to see if there was a burn ban in our area and there is not (doesn't matter I'll be out there with water hose anyway - already told Sam we would saturate ground...

So we buy Sam some fireworks - he is so excited. He has it all planned out. This is where the redneck comes out in my son!

I stressed about the $ spent - especially when it has been tighter than tight - but as I was laynig in bed last night - I thought we are creating memories. And that is worth so much!

Mom and muffins....

"girl" as mom calls Melecia made muffins yesterday.

Mom loved them. And the fact that she remembered who made them was awesome. She said they were the best ever!

Thanks Melecia!

Monday, July 02, 2012

To young brides....

It is okay for you to prepare meals for your husband. Yes- even if you work too.

Learn from me. The other night we had a disagreement in our house. I wasn't being so Biblical- not even close to a Proverbs 31 gal. Was he wrong? Yes! Was I wrong? Yes!

How did I help to resolve the issue? I didn't cook dinner. To make it worse I had already started cooking. I just stopped. Put the meat up for the next day. We both were tired and hungry. And went to bed grouchy.

Did my actions solve anything? What did I prove? Not a thing.

Learn from me!

Learning to bend .... To be flexible in marriage!

I grew up where every meal was eaten at the table. I knew no different. Tori and Sam didn't either.

Keeping in mind Steve and I have been married four years.....,

He sometimes likes to eat alone in our room watching TV. I have to be honest this used to absolutely drive me insane. Everyone would be scattered. I hated it! Not fond of it now.

Now I compromise- especially since mom is with us. So now I push to eat at the table hopefully three times a week. I now know that Steve uses that time to "destress" from his day - he needs this time. I'm not saying I like it or recommend it. But I do know I don't need to nag or harp on it.

In addition to sharing mom stories and things I learn along the way. I'm going to start sharing marriage stories. I'm no expert or counselor, every day is a learning experience. I think it will be more for my benefit than any - holding me more accountable. I do know I won't get too personal... Just going to share my thoughts.

Sweet Tea

It is my personal opinion that a lot of problems could be solved even avoided if discussed over a tall glass of sweet tea.

I drink mine with no lemon. I love sweet tea.

Dusting

Every time I call to check on mom she is dusting.

That's a good thing! She loves it and I don't have to do it.

Size 10

Sam wears a size 10 cleat? When did that happen?!!

Hmmph!

Definitely Less Stressful!

I know we will face challenges. I know there will be bad days.

But having mom with us is a lot less stressful for all of us.....including mom.

I am not driving between two homes! I'm not taking care of two homes. With this alone, I am able to do more here at our home. I am home thirty minutes after getting off work.

Mom is not going between two homes. She is settling, still confused at times, she misses her little house, but she feels safe and is getting used to two dogs, Sam being a teen, not the forever five year old that is in her head, and like me accepting the busy life of Tori and not liking it!

Steve continues to be great. Taking it all in stride.

I never know what tomorrow will bring. But do we ever?