Thursday, August 25, 2011

Today it is hard for me to be positive.

I feel guilty for having the feelings I have when so many others are sick, homeless, alone - I could go on.

I am trying to decide what God is teaching me...what am I supposed to be doing? I think I am failing miserably at all of it.

I am discouraged. And oh so sad.


Okay, I played with the spelling...had to make it fit...

Last night was nuts in our home.

First of all - I had a little fender bender. And I am still not 100% convinced it was my fault. Hmmmmmm. I had a rough day at work - I wish I had the words to adequately describe and explain how many times my phone rings - it is unreal. Top it off with emails and live chats - it gets to me.

Backy to Krazy Kitchen Kaos...

Everyone had something to say last night - and I mean everyone! Mom was with us - she was like a toddler....I kept tripping on her!

Sam decided his arm was fractured - though he was moving it, swinging it, etc.....he needed some TLC and some tylenol and a cool cloth. Plus he has a horrendous cold - which kept him home today - he feels terrible. Naturally he was STARVING last night too.

Tori was working on school stuff - looking up things - so every few minutes - she was calling me to the computer and had something to say.

I ignored three phone calls from friends.

Steve was stressed from work - and he was STARVING. He wants an IPHONE 4 - and he can can upgrade - so he is talking abou that - but that is something we can't spend the money on right now.

The dog was under my feet at every turn.

We had BBQ chicken, peas, fried potatoes and peach cobbler - and boy did everyone eat. Except me - I was too wiped to eat. And I felt so nervous and exhausted.

I felt guilty - it is like I couldn't handle all that needed to be handled - I am in need of a vacation or some time away. I am burned out.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


Sam played in his very first game last night - he is on defense - and did really well.

I was so excited and so very proud.

Love you Sam!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

And Diane thought she was in accounting....

Well, Diane is now a nurse.

Well, a phone nurse.

Well, a pretend phone nurse.

Yesterday evening mom was giving me fits - I had already talked to my friend Diane about "pretending" to be a nurse and call mom. Well.....she had to put her acting skills to the test last night...she was met with rave reviews.

I get to my moms yesterday - she is in a mood...a tizzy. She won't eat - won't take her med. So I send Diane a text - go ahead and call her.

"Nurse Diane" calls mom - reminds her to eat and take her medicine. Mom says....“Who are you again?” “I’ll take it before I go to bed.” “I’ve been eating all day.” “Hufffffff, okay I’ll eat and take it.” But the second she gets off the phone - she said "I have to take my medicine - give me my plate - I have to eat...." Diane was dying with laughter after she got off the phone - of course I couldn't laugh until I left. I am learning a few tricks along the way to deal with mom - each day is an adventure. If I don't laugh - I would cry all the time.

What is the sign of true friendship? I am sure there are many. Well, one of them is your friend pretending to be a nurse so your 81 year old mother will take her medicine and eat.

Too funny.

#60 - That is Sam's number in football - tonight he starts. He is so excited. The only bad thing - he has a cold and was feeling washed out this morning. I can't wait until tonight. He should play next week too. I am so proud of him - he is a good sportsman - kind to others. But still competitive. I am so proud.

Aug 29 - Tori's first day as a college freshman. Wow. I am so proud.

August 2010 - The last time I received a child support payment on time - I have received money since- but not much. Very frustrating.

Alzheimer's - Still hate it.

#2 Pencils - Sam goes through 2 a day - at the end of the day - they are little nubs of about 2 inches and in his jeans pocket.

Milk - Mom herself drinks about 2 gallons a week - we drink 2 1/2 gallons. Glad to know we support our local dairy.

French Dressing - This is what I say to Steve....."pardon me - would you like some lettuce with your dressing?"

Chicken Strips - and I kid you not - Sam ate 10 of them last night - plus 4 pieces of Texas Toast and two helpings of corn. Talk about growing boys.

Pony tail holders ---they multiply - I find them in every room of the house. That's my Tori!

Fundraisers - They are coming - they are not my favorite thing to do.

Mom - Thinks I am her nurse...and that is sure is nice of Steve and his wife to allow me to stay with them. Too funny.

Blankets - Mom slept with 5 of them last night - and I thought I was cold natured. Whew. When I went to her house last night - she had her heat on - it was 95 degrees outside.

$15 - mom has a huge yard - but that is all she pays her yard guy - and he takes it. They are like Driving Ms. Daisy. I kid you not!

Raise - sure would like one! :)

My friend - DC - I have a neat and funny story to share later. Blessed to know her. She is a sister to me.

My friend - CL - she is out of town this week - we stay in touch by email - but I miss her! She is a sister to me.

My friend and coworker - SB in Florida - she inspires me!

These awesome ladies keep me in check - help me through so much - what a blessing

Monday, August 22, 2011


Mom had a rough rough week last week. It was discouraging and very frustrating for all of us.

But then I found out something.....

For some reason - when she leaves her house - I am no longer her daughter - I am her this weekend she spent the night at our house...I was giving her medicine and she whispered...."You know there are two little pills that I am supposed to take every day...well I haven't been taking them - I hide them...but don't tell the other Becky." I didn't say a word.....

Those little pills she hides - calm her and such. I found her stash....and I had one friend call her and pretend she was a nurse to let her know she should take these pills..and another (DC) said she will do the same.

Those pills are nothing short of a miracle...she still has rough moments - but nothing like last week. She will rest, she will eat and stays relatively calm. Whew. Now I know why we had such a bad week. She didn't take them!

She is slick!

I am laughing!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Dear Me,

Okay, the week started out okay. Pretty good actually.

But it went downhill from there.

Mom had a rough rough week. I am so tired, so sad, so discouraged. A decision will have to be made soon.

Steve had a bad accident - thankfully he was not hurt - no one was hurt. But it really got to me.

The washing machine is still out......

I have four cold sores ...ugh...I know they came up because of stress.

We really need that financial miracle. The basics seem unattainable at the moment.

So, what do I tell myself?

Not to worry? Not to stress? Not to be sad?

God is in control - He loves me. All this is happening for a reason.

So this is my letter of pity - I write it so I can look back later and see how God provided.

This is a prayer. Please please God help.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Be kind to that person on the other end of the phone, or behind the counter, or the one serving your lunch.

He or she is barely making over minimum wage, has a family and is probably stressed with 5000 phone calls.


Monday, August 15, 2011

Copied the above image....go ahead and cheat and read a little.

But go see this movie .... more importantly...READ the book. You know a book? Actual paper - where you flip pages..mark your spot when you stop by a bookmark or folding a corner back?

Awesome Movie...Awesome Book.

Steve took me to see this movie and gave me the book for my birthday this weekend.


Let's face it - life is an adventure. Especially mine of late!

Yesterday I took mom with me to deliver books - she helps count books along the way - good for her. Good for me...I don't have to worry about what she is doing.

No matter what time we start, no matter what time she last ate...she always wants to eat before we start. So, I go to Little Caesar's pizza....she enjoys it - quite impressed the pizza is only $5. :)

We enjoy the pizza sitting in the car - we head to pick up our books. I plan to throw away our trash - so I gather all of it up - pizza box, napkins, drink bottles, etc.... and toss it in - and then I hear the clink - I threw my keys in the dumpster. Great - germ phobic me knows what has to be done. I get a chair from the warehouse (where books are located) - and also grab a broom. I use the broom to poke around inside the dumpster - didn't want any critters. Fortunately - this isn't a food dumpster - most of it is paper and cardboard. (I am so thankful I don't have to worry about foreign DNA! ugh!) I climb into the dumpster - find my keys..I look up - mom is standing right beside the dumpster holding her little brown purse. She is worried I won't be able to get out! There really is no elegant lady like way to climb out of a dumpster or into one for that matter. Just as I have thrown my second leg over the top - another driver for another magazine pulls up - laughing - he said he wished he had a camera. I just burst out laughing.

Too funny.

(I still go into bathroom and wash up the best I could. And I had hand sanitizer in the car...well was leg sanitizer, arm sanitizer...body sanitizer!)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Why Prozac Was Invented......

The below post about the washing machine is one reason why it was invented.

A few more...

Tori has had car issues all week - she has my mother's little truck. I ask her this morning...."Tori do you have gas? Are you good?" She's good she says - all total - she has put

$30 in the tank. I get to work - typing away - and my phone rings...she is out of gas on the highway..I have to borrow a gas can from the warehouse here and go rescue her. She is ever so patient sitting there. Without her emergency flashers on the highway! Her logic - she didn't want every truck driver or man stopping to help her. In some way she made sense.

Her scholarship/school money was limbo - we were sweating it. Between us we had to scrape (literally) half the balance. I was a faxing fool...but last night - she got the call - just pay the half and the scholarship should be in. She will get her $ back. Praise the Lord!

Bless her is so tight...she sold some old jewelry of mine that I had given her...neither of us are jewelry folks so she could have the money - it didn't bother me - I am not the senitmental type when it comes to jewelry - but leave my books alone- but she got a good that was a blessing.

Back to my washing machine went out mid load - so for almost two days water and clothes were in there....I had to threaten death and divorce to get my hubby to drain - which he said took him all of 10 minutes. (Good thing I called last night to let him know I was on my way home - because I had to squeeze out the laundry -but left the it was obvious that he just finished draining before I walked in the door.) And he did the dishes. The whole house knew what happened with mom and the washing machine -so I probably could have gotten anything done last night.

Be in prayer...we need a washing machine - and still really do need a financial miracle.

Me, Mom, Tide, and the Washing Machine......

My washing machine has gone out. Caput. No money to buy one. I am praying one falls from Heaven...sigh......

So last night - I take my happy self to moms to wash clothes. Now even before Alzheimer's my mom has had this thing about her washing machine - she doesn't like people using it...and I mean no one using it. Could be Mr. Kenmore himself - and she wouldn't like it.

But I had no choice....

I take laundry to wash - she pitches a fit. Told her tough - we are just gonna have to deal with it. I forgot detergent - she doesn't have any or she had hidden it somewhere - so I need to go buy some...while I am gone - she puts all my laundry on the patio. I come back - take it back in - and start load #1. I stretch out on the couch - plan on listening to a Focus on Family Podcast (I so need it - because I am so in the flesh and grouchy -mouthy - I don't care if she does have Alzheimer's-I am about to lose it at this point)..she calls my name....."Becky, your laundry is done." Hmmmm..Already? She had stopped the machine - and pulled all the laundry out - dripping wet. ARRRRGGGGHHHHH.

sooooooooooooo at this point I am mad....I grab the laundry - put it back in the macine - take a chair in the utility room and park myself right by the machine - this is where I sat for about an hour. Now that will bless you.

I left - both of us aggravated and mad.

Today I can laugh......last night I was furious. She probably doesn't even remember it today.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Another observation from my drive around Memphis....

Maybe "Cross Your Heart" is too subtle...maybe they should call it - "Just put it all in girl!"

Ha ha ha ha
So far so good.....

Day three of school and I have survived packing Sam's lunch and getting him up. And he is hard to wake up! Football has been hard - he goes from loving it to hating it. It is safe to say he won't have a career in football.. ha ha. 7th grade - that is unreal to me....hard to believe.

It has been different not having Tori head off to school...oh, I know she will start college soon and will still be at home - it is in my mind how she has grown so quickly. I just want to hold her for another day. She has been home in the evenings more the past few nights - and I like it. I like hearing doors and drawers shut a dozen times, like seeing her light on in her room and just knowing she is home!

Mom had a rough Sunday but a good Monday. She gets lonely - the loneliness turns to sadness - that is a major battle each day for her and for me.

Monday, August 08, 2011

It is hard....

Not to be overwhelmed with life.......

Not to be sad as Alzheimer's traps moms mind......

Not be exhausted....working 6-7 days a week is taking a toll....I don't know how much longer I can hold out....

Not to be child support in what seems forever....back to school shopping was hard this year.

It is easy.......

To appreciate moments of clarity and brief memory from mom.......

To apprecaite our jobs and our home.....

To have healthy, happy, kids......

To appreciate and be in awe of The Cross...

May I appreciate and cherish these things and so many more daily....

Why are folks always so grumpy and ill on Monday?

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Move over Betty Crocker...

Tori is in the house! She made a casserole and brownies yesterday. And she swept, mopped and dusted! And did laundry.

Whoo hoo!
What is that....sniff...smell?

I go into Sam's room this morning - to wake him up for this first day of school - technically registration - and there is this awful smell...

It was his shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, August 02, 2011


Have him practice football in full pads in August in Tennessee. (I really think they should do morning workouts-seems to be it would be safer)

Sam's sleep pattern has been all whacked out all summer - staying up real late - sleeping late - which in all honesty, I don't mind because I know where he is at all times. He is not gallivanting around the neighborhood when I am not there. And then when I am home - I know where he is at. Works out nicely.

School starts tomorrow - I was worried about how he would adjust.....well football took care of that.

Pray for safety for him and all football is hard on is hot hot hot hot.

I drive all over Memphis once a week - and you should see what I see!

Not that I am some beauty queen - but really - do these folks not look in the mirror?

What happened to modesty? Decent covering?

I just want to say...excuse may want to tuck and hide... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Monday, August 01, 2011

Better late than never....

Below are some pictures from prom, graduation and Sam's Birthday.
Sam's 13th Bday party - this group of boys can eat!
Steve's youngest- Davin graduating - He is so handsome!

Yeah Davin!

Tori and Sam after Tori's Graduation

Your's truly and the kiddos

Before Graduation - aren't they great?

Tori - I'm so proud

Prom Night


That is how long I slept from Friday night until Saturday. I have never ever done that.

I guess the stresses of life took it's toll and my body needed it.