Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
We have been praying for extra income - I will be working part - time at H & R Block during tax season.
Pray for balance, energy and strength. Pray that Steve, Mom, and Kids adjust accordingly. God opened this door.
I just wrapped up my last week of my at home bookkeeping job that I have been doing for three years - I was sad for awhile - but it will be nice to not have to "work" at home once I have been at work all day. Just swapping one job for the other I suppose - but it won't be at home. We will still deliver books/magazines for a bit.
Please pray we get just a little stable financially.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Mom is getting worse. It is sad. I am discouraged beyond belief. Though I must admit the past two days have not been that bad.
She dusted my entire house last night - she was going to town with the Endust and feather duster. Whew.
I don't think she knows me as her daughter - I am just someone who takes care of her. Last night after work I went to her house - took her some groceries and dinner - she said, "
I am going with you!" She packed her little bag was out the door.
The other day I was entering invoices and running reports for my last few weeks of in home bookkeeping - she stood over my shoulder the whole time - I couldn't thnk - then my internet/computer crashed - I was so impatient and ill tempered. It is no excuse - but she forgets when I am short with her.
It is literally like having a toddler - watching every step or move.
I have said many a time - this is for a season. God has a plan - I just wish I would put my words and thoughts into action.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Mom had a good weekend. Well, as good as can be expected.
She wanted to do Christmas Cards - we sat at my kitchen table - she painstakingly signed her name, or Mom, or Aunt Martha on about 20 cards - she would get frustrated if she made a mistake - I said - that's okay - here is another one. I hope those folks who receive her card will treasure it......I want to tell them to save that snippet of handwriting for years to come.
She ate quite a bit. For a little woman she has a huge appetite at times.
A funny...Saturday morning I went over and cooked her breakfast...she said "I already ate!" I said "really? what did you eat?" She said "I hate chips a hoy cookies - chocolate covered cherries and peppermint sticks..." Ha ha ha. She did end up eating breakfast - loved my canned biscuits. Ha ha. I told her I would give her the recipe.
I was taking her home this morning she saw a building on what used to be a country store...she said "your daddy used to go there to buy bread and milk...I would tell him he was going out of his way and paying twice as much...but he wanted to support the little man who ran that store." (That is so my dad - once he took breakfast to a Union protester at a local Walmart - and dad picketed with him - I was so proud - he stood up for what the believed)
Overall it was a good weekend for her - but last night was rough. She had been with me - wanted to go home - I took her home - washed some dishes and clothes. Then left...I was tired - went to bed as soon as I got home. Phone rang a short while later - it was mom - she wanted to come "home" (my house) I went and picked her up - she had packed up her entire bedroom and bathroom in garbage bags - ready to move. Sad and sweet. We only brought one bag - the one with PJ's.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Our family is hurting. I am tired and I am drained.
I am working on getting help for mom - it is such a process - doesn't seem fair or balanced. One place has called me back - they seem to have a sweet spirit about them- so I am going to follow them through the process. I don't know if it will lead to home care or a nursing home - I am so sad about it . She needs way more than I can provide. I hate Alzheimer's disease - please tell me the purpose of this disease?
We are hurting financially. There is no money for Christmas. Heck we barely make it now. This is getting to me more than I thought. Truth be known we are hanging on by our fingernails.
Tori's car is not working - we thought we had another car - but that didn't work out.
Other arrows and darts have been thrown our way - and I have passed my breaking point. I had a breakdown at work - how unprofessional.
Please pray for us.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Boy does it get in the way.
Here lately, life's arrows have been thrown are way in a speed that would make the best marksman stand amazed.
- Three car wrecks in August has resulted in me finding car insurance for all of us. Good grief.
- A signifcant loss of income has hit us.
- Mom is getting worse
- Poor Tori has had car problems from every where - I hate that I can't help her right now - my heart aches for her. I feel like I have failed her somehow.
- Money for groeceries and bills would be nice. ha ha
- Ex Husband & child support - I will not bash - but I will let you fill in the blanks. Hmmph.
Church - we are still in church limbo I hate it. I need to settle. To serve. To have a Sunday School Class.
Bible - I am reading more - and boy can I tell if i don't. I have so far to go - but feel a little more at peace than I used to.
Forgiveness - I need to forgive. I need to ask for forgiveness from people. There are those around me who need to forgive - I don't think they will see happiness if the don't.
A blessing..this may sound silly. If you have AT&T - invest in Road Side Assistance. It is awesome. $2.99 a month. We utilized it on poor Tori's car - it is money well spent. Thank you AT & T!
Please pray for a financial miracle for us!
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Okay, forgive me but just allow me to vent via this blog for a moment.
I know we have so much to be thankful for. But I am so tired of worrying about groceries, gas, car issues and such. We are so struggling. I know we are not alone in this boat - but goodness it sure feels like it.
Mom has kept us busy......read what happened last night:
We have been up all night with mom. She went to bed about 9:00 - I went to bed around 10:00 - she woke up at 12:40. So I did get a couple of hours of sleep.But she never went back to sleep until it was time to get up!
Last night she woke up so confused - it was unreal. She started pounding on walls, screaming "nurse, nurse" - the tv was on - she started knocking on it thinking it was a window- yelling "help help". I tried calming her down - she sat down for a minute - took her shoes off - I thought she was going back to bed - but oh how wrong - she came over and started hitting/beating me in the head with her little Reebok Tennis Shoe. Unreal! It is hard to fight her off because I don't want to hurt her. She stopped - but then she took the glass of water that I keep by the bedside for her - and poured it on my head. All doors and windows were locked - but I tried keeping her in one room to isolate any damage to the house.She finally went to sleep at 4:40.
I am so blasted tired, discouraged and sad. I need some good news!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
A few scriptures I have read...
John 16:33 - In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!
Philippians 4:19 My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (notice he says NEEDS)
Psalm 72:12 He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.
Psalm 132.15 I will abundantly bless her provision: I will satisfy her poor with bread.
Deut 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
I am grateful for glimpses into my mom's childhood and teen years - explains so much about her.
I am grateful for friends who love you no matter what and because they want to.
I am grateful for a messy 13 year old boy who despite his allergy to soap and water - loves his mom and will leave me notes to say I love you.
I am grateful for a soon to be 19 year old who knows the value of hard work and a good work ethic.
I am grateful for the husband who lays out my towel in the mornings.
I am grateful for the ringing phones at work - means I have a job. (though boy do I fuss at times!)
I am so grateful for my washing machine. Thinking this morning - how lovely the water sounds when it is filling the tub.
I am grateful for Dollar Tree -where you can buy foil pans, paper plates, misc stuff without breaking the bank.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
I face some changes in my life. I am so hurting and worried. Wondering where God is in all of this. Wondering if He sees me, hears me, or even if He loves me. It seems we are being hit from all sides.
Trying to avoid a pity party - for the first time in years - I am genuinely worried about Christmas. I know presents aren't important - but I so enjoy giving.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Okay - it drives me insane - but all doors are locked, all windows are locked....mom wanders at night if she doesn't sleep - she can't hurt herself. I have snacks ready for her in the kitchen, pillow and blankets for the couch and the TV on low - but no bright lights - so she can just rest there if needed. I hear every movement, every sound, I can't relax when she is up and moving. But I have learned if I try to get her to lay back down - she gets mad - so I am working around this night time thing.
But really it is so hard for me to relax. You want to know how I know how many times she gets up in the middle of the night? Washcloths. Everytime she gets up she washes her face with a fresh washcloth - last night - five washcloths....when I got up this morning - she was sleeping on the couch - fully dressed with purse in her lap. I will take a picture.......sound asleep - straight up.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Last night - I cooked hamburgers on the grill -man they were good. Also made scalloped potatoes, baked beans and peach cobbler. I cooked enough - so everyone would have it in their lunch today. Everything was so good. Everyone loved it last night -mom ate every bit of hers. I took her home this morning - and placed a plate for her lunch in the fridge.
I just called her - I said "Hi mom, whatcha doing?" She said "Im trying to eat this terrible lunch that girl fixed for me."
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Mom had a horrible horrible weekend. I am tired, sad, and so discouraged.
I hate this disease. I hate what it does to the person and the family.
I see no good in it. To go through it with Dad and now again with mom - it doesn't seem fair. I so miss my dad - I try to think how he would handle all of this.
In today's world we have inventions and discoveries that we marvel at. We have people winning awards for discoveries, treatments and cures. Why can't we find someting that is for the mind? The one thing that controls the whole body? People have heart transplants, liver transplants, - they can live with one kidney. But you can't live without your mind.
I have been reading a blog today - the questions they pose for caregivers are challenging.
- Imagine you not knowing what day, what month, what year it is?
- Imagine you not knowing who the person in front of you cooking your meal is?
- Imagine you not remembering that all of sisters are gone? Or your husband - and you set the table for him?
- Imagine you not being able to think of the name for "shoes" or "shirt" or "milk".
I am a caregiver...this week I am one with a resentful attitude. I love my mother. But I am so tired.
- How can you help a caregiver?
- Can you prepare a meal?
- Can you sit with the patient so the caregiver can go to a movie or to dinner?
- Can you take the patient out to eat or for a drive?
- Can you pray? Do you pray?
***I am not asking for anyone to do these things for us - but look around you - caregivers and patients of all ages and problems are around you.
As a caregiver I must learn to be patient, forgive myself when I am not or when I make a mistake-and boy do I make them. I need to treat mom as I want to be treated - with respect, love and gentleness. To baby her when needed, to be firm when necessary. Sleep when she sleeps (it is exactly like having a toddler - never wake up an Alzheimer patient - she slept 10 hours last night - I couldn't sleep worrying about her waking up). I need for her to excercise - walk more - she seems to do better if we walk.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Mom got up at 1:00 ready to get up - I told her "Mom it is 1:00 - go back to bed." she said..."No Becky it is 3:00 in the morning..." I said, 1:00 or 3:00 go back to bed" - she huffed. She was up and down all night and felt the need to share her being awake.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Maybe after I think about it - I will find the humor in some of it - but right now I am struggling with guilt, anger, exhaustion, feelings of failure and no telling what else!
I hate hate hate Alzheimer's.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Yesterday after work - I go to mom's - praying she is in a good state of mind and that she doesn't want to come to my house and that I don't have to make her come to my house. (Is that selfish or what? I was so tired from the night before - she was up all night!)
Well - YEAH! She was in pretty good shape. She doesn't want to leave - I decided she will be fine. But she ruined the moment.....
"Becky, I stayed at a house last night - it was the nastiest house I have ever seen!"
IT WAS MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(and it is not nasty!)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I am so tired today. Mom was literally up all night every hour on the hour. I think she has her days and nights mixed up.
I literally hate this disease. I was thinking last night - her memory was really bad - it must feel like hell on earth to be trapped inside your mind. There are somethings she remembers so clearly - but there are times she can't remember five minutes before.
When I first picked her up - she was very mean mom!
2 hours later - still mean
3 hours later - pitiful mom
4 hours later - sleepy mom
The rest of the hours...WIDE AWAKE MOM
I am sure I am more like my mom than I want to think......
This morning I was putting together in the crock pot beef stew for tonights dinner - I brown my meat before hand with a little oil and flour - makes it a tad thicker. Mom spent the night (though she didn't sleep - another post!) she was s watching me - she said "You make your stew just like me."
That had me to thinking....
My kitchen cabinets/drawers are pretty much arranged like hers. (though now in her Alzheimer state - she rearranged everything last week- and it absolutely messed me up!) Even how my refrigerator is arranged is like hers.
I have started keeping paper plates/cups/forks on the cabinet for the kids to use for sandwhiches instead of messing up dishes and such everytime they grab a snack. She has always done that.
I am sure there are more things that I get from her...
Here is how we are different....
I group canned goods by the food- no mixing peas with the corn, etc. She does not.
I fold towels tighter - she does not
She color codes her clothes - I don't know if this is on purpose - but she does.
I don't know...kind of a weird post...but mind is everywhere today.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Yesterday was just a bad day for mom - she called me about 20 times! I was going over to her house right after work to pick her up - I told her that - but I had to stop at Wal-Mart to pick up some medicine - while in Wal-Mart - I get a call again - it is mom.....
Or so I thought.....
I said (thankfully I was really patient or I thought I was anyway) without her saying a word...."Mom I am at Wal-Mart - I will be there in a few minutes - then we are going to my house to cook pork chops, ok?" Well a male voice came on the other end (I almost passed out)..."Mam, pork chops sound good, but this is Deputy Williams from the Sheriff's office - your mom in trying to make calls today had called 911 about 12 times and we wanted to check on her...she is fine......."
I thanked him - told him I was on my way to pick her up and take her home with me. He just laughed.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Our dog Kylee (she is a poodle - cocker mix - with dashes of other things I'm sure!) is so funny. She brings much laughter to our little family.
She does have a few faults....
She sheds - and how! Whew.
She chews bed covers - poor Sam - his comforter looks like it has been in a closet with a moth or two for months on end.
She chews shoes - don't even think about leaving a shoe out!
She chews books! And let me tell you - she's selective. She will pull one off the shelf! Or she will pull a magazine from the rack. She has no shame...yesterday it was a magazine -and all this morning - I still kept finding pieces of paper all over the house.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Steve and I worked the concession stand at Sam's game last night. We don't mind at all - we actually enjoy it.
There is one lady who works - she seems to only sell the candy.....I left with nacho cheese on my shirt, jeans. I cooked cheese sticks - and disinfected cabinets.
I appreciate the Skittle lady...I want to be her.
(but maybe I am not meant to sell the candy - maybe I am meant to be behind the scenes and away from folks...now that is food for thought!)
My conversation with mom last night...,.
Becky Bring me some tylenol.
Mom I just left your house - brought you groceries and such. Made you a sandwich and fruit. Will bring you Tylenol tomorrow. Take the generic.
I don't like generic. You didn't come over. Bring Tylenol on your way home.
Mom, I am home, I am not getting back out.
Well, Becky if you have a cold - you need to stay away.
Ha ha ha.
Yesterday morning Conversation
Becky What day is it?
NO - Monday - M - O- N- D-A-Y (spelled it out yelling into phone)
Oh, okay, Saturday.
Becky, that woman who lives with Steve called me wants me to come to dinner. I just don't like her. (Steve is my husband for those who may not know)
I will be in therapy one day. ha ha ha ha
Monday, October 03, 2011
I readily admit I am not good at it at all.
So much is happening of late...mom, Tori's wreck, finances, job stress, every day life...but it just seems we have had so much hit us that it is hard to handle. Hard not to be discouraged.
I struggle with feeling guilty -because we have so much to be thankful for....I recently learned from a friend that a mutual friend of ours has a hard time balancing life....
So it is not just me....
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Monday, September 05, 2011
and every day life.....
We have been without a washer for well over a month .... trust me when I say ... I will never ever take a washing machine for granted. It is a necessity not a luxury!
Money as usual has been tight - finally saved up some money to buy a "cheap" new one or a good used one....we headed out on Saturday - each stop we made was a closed door.
And my new 'sister' / best friend Carla - called me - and told me about one close to her house- we sped out there and there it was...
Mom has been more "loopy" and confused mom - and I have decided I rather deal with mean mom any day of the week...the other is just too darn sad. Yesterday she was over here with us ...and she couldn't place me...she knows me...but doesn't know I am her daughter. Sad. She did manage to eat a good meal and a lot of dessert (woman loves sweets) we went to Walmart - and took her home. Some funny moments....how can I put this delicately? Gas....she talked about and demonstrated how bad she had gas....she got so tickled at herself. She would laugh so hard. Too funny. Last weekend I rolled her hair - we had a fun time together - I dried it and would take the dryer and blow all over her....and she would just laugh laugh. All this time I have been without a washer - I have been washing clothes over her house - she hates folks using her washer - so I would just leave my laundry there - and she ended up washing clothes for me - which was nice for me and good for her I suppose.
Later yesterday I figured out why God sent us the $50 washing machine - because I had a flat tire (I am in desperate need of tires - they are terrible!) - while at Walmart - I just asked if they could patch it...they could not...there were not one...not two..not three but four nails in the blasted tire and they said it was split. Of course! So....$92 dollars later I had one new tire (tire cost was $75 - but tax and fees - took it to $92 - I am not understanding the fees) You will probably see collection cans at local gas stations to make up for the shortfall..ha ha ha ha. Just kidding - God provided and protected - because I could have had a blow out while driving and such. My goal -is to try to buy one every two weeks or so. By the time I finish buying them it will be time to rotate. ha ha ha ha
Every day life observations......
- And has anyone noticed the price of hotdogs and bacon? Really is there a shortage of pig?
- We visited our old church yesterday - it was nice.
- Tang and Manwich...Sam is into both.. What a combination.
- Tori's heart is hurting ....I hate that someone is hurting her...but she will be stronger.
- Dust...where does it come from?
- I bought a new mop. Two mops actually. A wet mop and a dust mop. I am up town!
- Steve is delivering our book route today. What a blessing!
- Tori is enjoying college. I am so proud.
- Sam is doing well in football. I am so proud.
- It is literally 30 degrees cooler than last week - I have our windows open. Yeah!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I feel guilty for having the feelings I have when so many others are sick, homeless, alone - I could go on.
I am trying to decide what God is teaching me...what am I supposed to be doing? I think I am failing miserably at all of it.
I am discouraged. And oh so sad.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Well, Diane is now a nurse.
Well, a phone nurse.
Well, a pretend phone nurse.
Yesterday evening mom was giving me fits - I had already talked to my friend Diane about "pretending" to be a nurse and call mom. Well.....she had to put her acting skills to the test last night...she was met with rave reviews.
I get to my moms yesterday - she is in a mood...a tizzy. She won't eat - won't take her med. So I send Diane a text - go ahead and call her.
"Nurse Diane" calls mom - reminds her to eat and take her medicine. Mom says....“Who are you again?” “I’ll take it before I go to bed.” “I’ve been eating all day.” “Hufffffff, okay I’ll eat and take it.” But the second she gets off the phone - she said "I have to take my medicine - give me my plate - I have to eat...." Diane was dying with laughter after she got off the phone - of course I couldn't laugh until I left. I am learning a few tricks along the way to deal with mom - each day is an adventure. If I don't laugh - I would cry all the time.
What is the sign of true friendship? I am sure there are many. Well, one of them is your friend pretending to be a nurse so your 81 year old mother will take her medicine and eat.
#60 - That is Sam's number in football - tonight he starts. He is so excited. The only bad thing - he has a cold and was feeling washed out this morning. I can't wait until tonight. He should play next week too. I am so proud of him - he is a good sportsman - kind to others. But still competitive. I am so proud.
Aug 29 - Tori's first day as a college freshman. Wow. I am so proud.
August 2010 - The last time I received a child support payment on time - I have received money since- but not much. Very frustrating.
Alzheimer's - Still hate it.
#2 Pencils - Sam goes through 2 a day - at the end of the day - they are little nubs of about 2 inches and in his jeans pocket.
Milk - Mom herself drinks about 2 gallons a week - we drink 2 1/2 gallons. Glad to know we support our local dairy.
French Dressing - This is what I say to Steve....."pardon me - would you like some lettuce with your dressing?"
Chicken Strips - and I kid you not - Sam ate 10 of them last night - plus 4 pieces of Texas Toast and two helpings of corn. Talk about growing boys.
Pony tail holders ---they multiply - I find them in every room of the house. That's my Tori!
Fundraisers - They are coming - they are not my favorite thing to do.
Mom - Thinks I am her nurse...and that is sure is nice of Steve and his wife to allow me to stay with them. Too funny.
Blankets - Mom slept with 5 of them last night - and I thought I was cold natured. Whew. When I went to her house last night - she had her heat on - it was 95 degrees outside.
$15 - mom has a huge yard - but that is all she pays her yard guy - and he takes it. They are like Driving Ms. Daisy. I kid you not!
Raise - sure would like one! :)
My friend - DC - I have a neat and funny story to share later. Blessed to know her. She is a sister to me.
My friend - CL - she is out of town this week - we stay in touch by email - but I miss her! She is a sister to me.
My friend and coworker - SB in Florida - she inspires me!
These awesome ladies keep me in check - help me through so much - what a blessing
Monday, August 22, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Okay, the week started out okay. Pretty good actually.
But it went downhill from there.
Mom had a rough rough week. I am so tired, so sad, so discouraged. A decision will have to be made soon.
Steve had a bad accident - thankfully he was not hurt - no one was hurt. But it really got to me.
The washing machine is still out......
I have four cold sores ...ugh...I know they came up because of stress.
We really need that financial miracle. The basics seem unattainable at the moment.
So, what do I tell myself?
Not to worry? Not to stress? Not to be sad?
God is in control - He loves me. All this is happening for a reason.
So this is my letter of pity - I write it so I can look back later and see how God provided.
This is a prayer. Please please God help.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Let's face it - life is an adventure. Especially mine of late!
Yesterday I took mom with me to deliver books - she helps count books along the way - good for her. Good for me...I don't have to worry about what she is doing.
No matter what time we start, no matter what time she last ate...she always wants to eat before we start. So, I go to Little Caesar's pizza....she enjoys it - quite impressed the pizza is only $5. :)
We enjoy the pizza sitting in the car - we head to pick up our books. I plan to throw away our trash - so I gather all of it up - pizza box, napkins, drink bottles, etc.... and toss it in - and then I hear the clink - I threw my keys in the dumpster. Great - germ phobic me knows what has to be done. I get a chair from the warehouse (where books are located) - and also grab a broom. I use the broom to poke around inside the dumpster - didn't want any critters. Fortunately - this isn't a food dumpster - most of it is paper and cardboard. (I am so thankful I don't have to worry about foreign DNA! ugh!) I climb into the dumpster - find my keys..I look up - mom is standing right beside the dumpster holding her little brown purse. She is worried I won't be able to get out! There really is no elegant lady like way to climb out of a dumpster or into one for that matter. Just as I have thrown my second leg over the top - another driver for another magazine pulls up - laughing - he said he wished he had a camera. I just burst out laughing.
(I still go into bathroom and wash up the best I could. And I had hand sanitizer in the car...well yesterday...it was leg sanitizer, arm sanitizer...body sanitizer!)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
My washing machine has gone out. Caput. No money to buy one. I am praying one falls from Heaven...sigh......
So last night - I take my happy self to moms to wash clothes. Now even before Alzheimer's my mom has had this thing about her washing machine - she doesn't like people using it...and I mean no one using it. Could be Mr. Kenmore himself - and she wouldn't like it.
But I had no choice....
I take laundry to wash - she pitches a fit. Told her tough - we are just gonna have to deal with it. I forgot detergent - she doesn't have any or she had hidden it somewhere - so I need to go buy some...while I am gone - she puts all my laundry on the patio. I come back - take it back in - and start load #1. I stretch out on the couch - plan on listening to a Focus on Family Podcast (I so need it - because I am so in the flesh and grouchy -mouthy - I don't care if she does have Alzheimer's-I am about to lose it at this point)..she calls my name....."Becky, your laundry is done." Hmmmm..Already? She had stopped the machine - and pulled all the laundry out - dripping wet. ARRRRGGGGHHHHH.
sooooooooooooo at this point I am mad....I grab the laundry - put it back in the macine - take a chair in the utility room and park myself right by the machine - this is where I sat for about an hour. Now that will bless you.
I left - both of us aggravated and mad.
Today I can laugh......last night I was furious. She probably doesn't even remember it today.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Day three of school and I have survived packing Sam's lunch and getting him up. And he is hard to wake up! Football has been hard - he goes from loving it to hating it. It is safe to say he won't have a career in football.. ha ha. 7th grade - that is unreal to me....hard to believe.
It has been different not having Tori head off to school...oh, I know she will start college soon and will still be at home - it is in my mind how she has grown so quickly. I just want to hold her for another day. She has been home in the evenings more the past few nights - and I like it. I like hearing doors and drawers shut a dozen times, like seeing her light on in her room and just knowing she is home!
Mom had a rough Sunday but a good Monday. She gets lonely - the loneliness turns to sadness - that is a major battle each day for her and for me.
Monday, August 08, 2011
Not to be overwhelmed with life.......
Not to be sad as Alzheimer's traps moms mind......
Not be exhausted....working 6-7 days a week is taking a toll....I don't know how much longer I can hold out....
Not to be discouarged...no child support in what seems forever....back to school shopping was hard this year.
It is easy.......
To appreciate moments of clarity and brief memory from mom.......
To apprecaite our jobs and our home.....
To have healthy, happy, kids......
To appreciate and be in awe of The Cross...
May I appreciate and cherish these things and so many more daily....
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
I drive all over Memphis once a week - and you should see what I see!
Not that I am some beauty queen - but really - do these folks not look in the mirror?
What happened to modesty? Decent covering?
I just want to say...excuse mam...you may want to tuck and hide... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Monday, August 01, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Mom had a good week and weekend. Yeah! Tori or I have been over there each night - taking or cooking dinner - and the difference is obvious. She ate better all week. I took her to the store and Arby's today - she loves Arby's.
Sam is home - we left Friday night for Nashville - - stayed overnight --picked him up Saturday. He ran to me and picked me up! ha. It is so good to have him home - he hugged on me all day yesterday - and said this morning "I am so glad to see you and be home. I missed you, I missed home, I missed my bed!"
On Saturday after picking up Sam - we did some sight seeing around Nashville - it was fun - we tried to do "free" stuff - it was sooooooooooo hot! But it was good to get away from the normal every day life of things. (While we were out of town - a friend visited mom and took her dinner - thanks CL!)
Tori, bless her heart, is working a lot. She needs to buy tires - I wish we could help her - we are still struggling - I need tires myself. They are so expensive. I long for the days of $100 set of tires and they last about 100,000 miles - or so it seemed.
At this moment - it so hot - I am so grateful for air conditioning.
Please continue to pray that we see some financial relief...soon. God continues to provide and I know He will always do so.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
This was a weird one for me.
Sam has gone to Nashville to visit his dad. The Fourth of July is like Christmas to Sam....he loves...loves his fireworks...I hated that he wasn't home. He is so much fun. I did buy him some fireworks to enjoy when he returns. (we are going to get him this weekend -I miss him!)
Tori pretty much worked the whole time - she hung out with friends as should an 18 year old girl. But I love her so. I need to plan a mother-daughter day here real soon.
Steve and I worked all day Sunday - we missed church - I was so sick with pain in my right side. Because of me being sick - we got such a late start delivering books -but he did most of the work - I am grateful - because I felt that bad! My side is still bothering me. Ugh. I laid on a heating pad most of Sat night. I didn't get any house and yard work done the whole weekend. Or bookkeeping - I will be playing catch up big time.
Mom did not have a good weekend at all. I am still stressed and tired. I hate this! She is not eating right - and that is a lot of our problem right now. I am mulling ideas over in my mind right now on how to make sure she eats. Steve and I talked - looks like I am going to be going
over there each night and prepare something or take something to her. When she doesn't eat I am sure it is messing up her blood sugar and she is more out of it than usual. She doesn't' feel good - which again I attribute to lack of eating.
This sounds more like a whining post -but just needed to vent.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
I don't know why or even how I noticed it...but he had this real thin - light fuzz above his lip!
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. When did this happen? He was 4 years old yesterday with curls.
He didn't even notice it....but a few minutes later...I caught him stretching and looking in the mirror and rubbing above his lip.
For this alone I will need therapy.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
I heard a child singing behind me in church today...and thought...there is some talent! Sweet little girl too. Real shy. I teach her in children's church.
I am blessed to have many good friends. DC is like a sister, but I also have a new friend, who is become so much like a sister - I can call, email or text my feelings to her just as I can DC and feel comfortable and not judged - does that even make sense? My new friend is CL. I need to get my two sisters together soon! They will love each other.
Still praying for the miracle....I know it is in all God's timing. Utter Dependence and Obedience is what He wants from me.
Have a good week everyone.
The other night - Mom wanted to spend the night...I went and picked her up. She forgot her pajama pants - so I loaned her a pair of Tori's. My mom is real skinny....but she looked so funny in the hot pink money pj pants her pink flowered night gown. We had a good laugh....she danced around the house.
She thinks every day is Sunday...except for when it is Sunday...then she thinks it is Tuesday.
We went to lunch yesterday - she ate a Hamburger Steak with Gravy and baked potato plus a salad...she really enjoyed it. Then we went to the store.
She came over again today....we went to the store again. Man that woman goes through the groceries.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
On Saturday evening after going to a movie, Steve, Sam and I went to the replica of The Vietnam Wall. It was in Memphis for just three days....I am so glad we went.
We had the pleasure of meeting and talking with several veterans.
We approached the wall (I am proud to say my son took his hat off when he reached them memorial without being told!) - and just to see all those names. Most of them boys....probably not long from shaving and getting their license. Important to someone...loved by someone. Along the wall you would see memorials - gifts that people left, rocks, flowers, hats, pictures, letters...there was one that got to me. It was written by a wife...she wrote the following...."I have worn your bracelet for 37 years, I will continue to wear it until you are home or until we meet in heaven."
Her husband missing in action...I am trying to imagine what she has gone through and faced. I picture her as a young bride...maybe with a baby....watching as a Chaplain approached her door.
Not knowing...has to be terrible...worse than knowing.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Mom has Alzheimer's....but she is still in her own home, we hope to keep her there for as long as we can...because she will go down fast if she is taken out of her little world. But by keeping her in own home...I stay busy!
Yesterday (Sunday) she called me and was so upset..."Becky, Tori and Sam have taken everything out of my house...it is all gone!" I try to calm her down and and tell her kids are not there, her house if fine.....
Well, that didn't work.
She called 911. She called me back to let me know the police were on the way.....
I call the dispatcher (a number I now have saved in my phone!) - let them know what is going on, explain mom, etc....
Luckily I am close by...Steve is too...we meet up....and go to mom's she is in a state! She is mad at me, mad at Tori and Sam, she is carrying her purse, her sweater and her makeup around the house....she starts yelling at me, I'm tired, I lose patience, I yell and fuss (which is not a good thing to do with an Alzheimer's patient).....she loses patience, poor Steve is just standing there looking at us like we both have Alzheimer's.....looking back...I am sure we both looked nuts!
Anyhooooo.......We finally got her calmed down...she spent the night with us.....we ate breakfast this morning and went to Walmart...I told her what happened...she got so tickled.
The lesson I learned? Pray before I interact with mom...be more patient.
I have to laugh to keep from crying...
I have talked to mom every hour since I took her home....I am telling her each time "Don't call the Police!" She laughs.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My mother needed make up - so we went to buy some. She is so proud of her blush, eyebrow pencil and face cream.
For mother's day we gave her lipstick. She likes her lipstick.
She is 81 and drinks a lot of milk!
She constatntly misplaces keys she doesn't really neeed. It can be so aggravating at time.
Something I have'nt excercised of late. I need to do better.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Spent my lunch break today at a local antique store...my childhood memories and favorites are now antiques.
Bionic Woman Thermos - I also had Wonderwoman!
Nancy Drew Books - I think I read everyone
Holly Hobbie Pictures -Would love to have these
Fisher Price Chalkboard - 1972
Fisher Price Cash Register - 1972
And so much more!
Again, my childhood favorites are antiques...how depressing. Ha! I may need therapy! Or I may go back and take a trip down memory lane.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Friday, April 08, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
The time Steve has to be at work all week. EEWWWWW. He gets up at 4:00. I don't know how he does it. I barely make 8:00.
A busy, hectic week....but blessed!
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Monday, April 04, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
To keep from soaking......I have to think on all the things I appreciate and treasure....
The health of Tori and Sam. How blessed we are with good health!
The good days with mom - they are fewer and far between - but we do have them...just last Saturday her eating a BBQ plate and enjoying it.
Wonderful time in Children's church last week - the kids listened and learned.
My job - though it does not pay a whole lot - they are flexible and understand sick kids and my mom.
Good moments with Steve.
And most importantly - I know Jesus loves me and He died for me.
Monday, March 07, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
She had to look up music, tv, news, music, fashion, and fads. I had so much fun. I ended up listening to Journey, Bruce, and Brian Adams.
As part of her presentation....she wore my Born In The USA concert t-shirt. Awwwww....
Monday, January 31, 2011
I appreciate my husband.
I appreciate my children.
I appreciate my sisters and parents.
I appreciate my friends.
I appreciate my job.
I appreciate my freedom and those who do so much to protect it.
I appreciate and cherish the fact that Jesus died for me and I am saved and going to heaven.
There are some women who can wear low cut - or just v-neck shirts...and then are some who shouldn't. (This from when we were out and about yesterday)
If there are so many honor students (per all the bumper stickers) in the world - why are we in America last when it comes to math and science?
Really...you drive a new model Mercedes and you are public assistance? I don't understand.
I don't think we can handle $4.00 gallon gas...it will kill us!
Friday, January 14, 2011
I didn't make any...but I want to:
...Control my temper
...Control my tounge
...Control my thoughts
...read my Bible more (if I do this - I do believe the above three will be accomplished!)
...be more positive and encouraging
...be a better wife
...be a better mom
...Be a better person