Sunday, August 28, 2016

Dear beautiful girl

Dear beautiful girl...I'm watching you, like  me, you are trying to make yourself invisible. Like me, you have weight to lose-I'm sure it's an up and down battle. I see you looking at the other two girls your age and I'm glad to see you are friends with one. Do not compare yourself to others. It's a hard trap to escape. A hard cycle to break. I'm proud of you for what you are doing. Hopefully I will see you again, if nothing else I hope to be here at least 30-60 min 4 times a week. When you look in the mirror, I want you to see your beautiful skin and shiny hair. Green eyes and a pretty smile. God created you. Walk with confidence. You are His child. His creation. Your purpose today? To inspire me.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

I'm such a good mom

Sam laughs at me when I tell him this. It's a joke between us. 


I've read and listened to a lot on discouragement, depression and strength this week. 





I've been through more than some less than most. I'm not a beauty...but I'm stronger 

Friday, August 26, 2016

Exhaustion, sadness and then some

I'm trying a headset for the first time or an ear piece I should say.

Things are not all that great today. No sleep. Alzheimer's in full force today. And a lot more. I really do not like sharing pics of myself, I'm not that pretty...but I do want grandchildren on up to know what I look like. 😳😝😏


Monday, August 22, 2016


You just need to hear a voice. A gift.


It's 9:55 pm. I haven't sat down. Had senior parent meeting after work. Well, I came home, cooked breakfast for dinner, then went to meeting, then to the store. 

Dishes, laundry, changing mom, giving her a snack, getting lunches ready for tomorrow, and dog duty....

Yet I suffer from insomnia! 🙄

Sunday, August 21, 2016


Mom was pretty much up all night. She had a fever and was so restless. She finally went to sleep around 3:30 ish. 

Soooooo tired.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Killing Reagan

Tori bought this for me. Mr. O pulls no punches. I've stopped watching the news, this election makes me ill. I can say Cavuto, Gretchen Carlson and Mr. O are about the most fair on Fox. Fox has a lot of mess to clean up. 

Back to book---prologue broke my heart and captured my mind. It's fair and tough. 


What a difference!

20 degrees cooler than a week ago. One can breathe outside. 


Mrs. Beasley

I had a Mrs. Beasley Doll when I was little. I sure would like to have one now. Crazy is it not? I'm sure mom gave away at some point, she was not a sentimental sort. 


Friday Night Lights

A year of lasts....out last 1st home game. 
Cardinals won 42-8 - whoop whoop. If not on the field, Sam paces. I do the same at work if I'm sorting out a problem.



Caregiver in the final stages

It is Saturday. I am so lonely and so sad. Caregiving in the final stages is different. The cues on what is needed and wanted by mom are harder to read. To understand. 

I can remember those long days and nights at the beginning when I prayed she would just sit down for five minutes. When it seemed the medicine prescribed to calm her took forever to work. Now 1/4 th of that same medicine will knock her out for 24 hours. Her appetite is great. No problems swallowing. Mom will call me by name sometimes. 

She is bed ridden. I did hold her up and she took three steps the other night. Remembering one foot in front of the other.  I remembered when those skinny legs moved with her dust mop. 

I don't know if this is the source of my sadness. I have a feeling my caregiving will end as empty nesting officially begins. What will I do? My marriage is not that great. I'm tossing around a second job and online classes.  

If you want to know what my tonight looks like and what my tomorrow will be here are a couple of pics.  Please pray.