Friday, November 29, 2013

My real feelings...

I am sick and I am so tired.  I have a horrendous cold.

Mom was horrible today - no other way around it.  I have been hit, kicked, bit, food thrown at me, when I was dozing - she had a TV tray over my head about to hit me!  Thank goodness for my reflexes..

The other night she spit her medicine out - poured drink on me - started wrestling me....Steve tried to help - she let go and then fell - talk about feeling guilty - both of us.   I really thought we would be past this violent physical stage.

To say I am beyond discouraged is an understatement. 

I lost it - I just started yelling - got her in the shower - she took a warm one - I got her dressed in 3.3 seconds and in bed 10 seconds later - she is sound asleep.

I hate this disease.  I hate what it does not only to the patient but to those around her.  Separating the real "mean", verbally cruel mom from the Alzheimer mom is hard - and sometimes I fail - because I can remember being called names and ugly.....

I could throw in the towel - I often wonder if God sees.  If He forgives me for my lack of patience...if he hears my crying.  If He hears mom and understands the words I do not.

Please pray. 



I wish.....

I didn't hate Alzheimer's.

I had more patience with mom.

I felt better today......

There was a cure or better treatment for Alzheimer's.

I wish I slept more today...

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

From me....

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!

God is so good.

Of course...

It's Thanksgiving..,.and I have a cold. I feel yuck.  Okay really bad. 

Steve's family will be here tomorrow for dinner. 

Mom had a rough night...she was mean...got rough with me...Steve tried to help..she fell..I think she's okay but please pray. 


Saturday, November 23, 2013

Even in the simplest form...

God's word is powerful. Mom loves to read Bible Stories.


Eating under duress....

Mom is fighting is about eating. We have learned smaller meals a few times a day with smaller portions is better and easier. Her favorite is peaches and a biscuit. Loves it along with a glass of milk. 


Thursday, November 21, 2013

Doctor visit....





Went to the doctor today - I have a double ear infection - and I have, believe it or not a breast infection - talk about painful. I am in a lot of pain. Miserable.  I know there are worse things. Three shots later, two prescriptions - I have been ordered to rest.  They gave me a doctor's note and everything.  Ha ha.

I was also told I am tired.  Go figure.  Waiting on blood work results......


My friend Nancy is still in hospital - she came through surgery - recovery and plastic surgery to come - but she is so brave.  So proud of her.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Randomness...again

Different postings from Facebook.....

Samuel Mills I think you are an awesome football player. You have the passion and drive. I hear the football hitting the cushions in living room. You have said you want to do two things...join the Marines and play for Alabama. I have no doubt you will succeed! Go 60!
________________________________________________________________________________
I just lost it for a bit tonight...mom and I were sharing the same TV tray eating side by side..trying to get her to sit for five minutes...she just dumped the whole tray...my dramatic, hateful self said "just listen for once....I hate Alzheimer's " mom hugged me and said "I'm sorry, here I'll help" she gave me a Kleenex. And then asked to go potty.

I felt two inches tall and still do. I want my root beer drinking, hamburger eating, Lord you've gained weight mom back.

I still hate Alzheimer's.

________________________________________________________________________________

Like Pastor Steve Flockhart I use my "sanctified" imagination and I just picture Jesus touching my face with love and saying it's okay. I have plans for you...I see and know your hurts and worries. All will be okay, tomorrow is taken care of.

I am so glad the victory is won and my bridge is The Cross.

Thank you for praying....


______________________________________________________________________________

I am a wimp. I am dressed in sweats and socks covered in two quilts and freezing to the bone. Steve is on top of covers snoring.

Hmmph


_______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Alzheimer's,

I feel so bad. Really yuck. Can you just behave? I'm near tears here. Not to mention Sam needs help in English and it's NCISday. (And I think the character of  Biship may just work out)

Your cooperation is appreciated.


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Today.......

Today I was home sick.  Huge headache.  And I was running fever.  No clue.  I feel washed out right now. I literally slept all day.

Mom had a good day, I rearranged her afternoon and evening medicine - trying to avoid a repeat of last night - we had major sundowning issues.  I read several Bible stories to her and 3 kids books - plus she mopped - she is settled in bed.  I am tired and very discouraged.  I can say honestly say - that I have been taking care of mom 5 1/2 years - however the last three have been hard. 

Sam is struggling in English, we are about to hit the books and try to catch up.  When he struggles, he becomes discouraged and wants to give up - I just want to pour my will into him.  He is so smart.

Please pray for my friend Nancy - tomorrow she will have a double mastectomy.  My  nephew, Rusty, is feeling a tad better from his chemo round yesterday.







Monday, November 18, 2013

A couple of funny pics from Facebook



What do you see????

Mom dressed herself Saturday and did a great job......we need to work on the shoes... (I try to let her do as much as possible by herself)


Bahaha!


Stubborn mom....

Refusing to do anything....arrrrrggghhh....


What new paint can do...

We managed to paint our room and bathroom...we have a bit of trimming to do......

I love it. I finally was able to put the quilt we bought in Gatlinburg in May. Got it super on sale!!! 




Friday, November 15, 2013

Where is Thanksgiving?

Another from Facebook....

What has happened to Thanksgiving? Is it now just a day - retailers are staying open - people are shopping for gifts that, let's face it, will be forgotten years from now. I understand the need for good deals - but what about those working? When do they have family time?

Our family has faced many challenges this year - I am thankful for doctors who care, nurses who love and their encouragement. It seems with all the news we received this year - just the ability to be together is a huge gift.

Love to my family and friends...I am thankful for you!

Random Thougts...

I posted these on Facebook last night..

Thought I would share.

Randomness.........

This wife is sooooooo excited. Steve is going to paint our room and bathroom this weekend. The comforter we bought in Gatlinburg will soon be on our bed. I am telling you this could be my Christmas present. I am serious!

On a funny note - I entered a home makeover contest - explaining the need - trying to explain without going into great detail why I need new flooring/carpeting (ahhh maybe next year) - that sometimes mom has issues on what the bathroom looks like. Thank goodness for Resolve, Febreeze and vinegar........bahahahhaha. Obviously we didn't win. I bought a carpet cleaner - which I am forever thankful for. And I don't use the carpet cleaner stuff - I use Tide liquid - same ingredients and smells less mediciney.

I may send in a video to TV networks ..."A day in the life of surviving life with an Alzheimer patient, a 15 year old, a college student, two dogs-both escape artists, with full time jobs ... how our marriage works....no time for manicures in this house, the Steve and Becky story." We could beat out Honey Boo Boo -or whatever....
 
 
 

Monday, November 11, 2013

So, I'm not a nurse.....


This morning went in to give mom her medicine.  Sooooo funny!  I would hand her one pill, she would take a sip of juice, and hand me the pill back.  Talk about Lucy and Ethel - took us 20 minutes to take 4 pills.  hahaha!


I placed her shower chair in the bathroom - forgot to put it back up.  She went into the bathroom - I rushed in there - good thing - because she was going to use the shower chair for a potty.

I am telling you reality TV show!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Washing Machine....

I've done it...but last night dropped a bill off In night deposit....drove past laundromat. Saw a couple of families doing laundry.

I appreciate our washer and dryer!


Honor Roll!

Sam made honor roll!  Whoo hoo.

But now for this 9 weeks he is struggling in English.

Miracle....



Praying for Rusty to be healed.  My friend Nancy to be healed.

Selfishly, I need a miracle.  Sure would be nice to not have a worry or two. 

CHOMPING CANCER

 
 
My nephew has round three of chemo next week - a week ago - we wore our shirts to work...
 
Are you able to donate?  Go here. 
 
 


SHOES

 
Sam already wore out and out grew his school shoes.....ummmmmm really?  I just bought them in August?  Helloooooooo?  I bought this shoe - he approved via text message - I would take a picture of a pair - and he would yay or nay...this was the only yay.  Of course his is a lot bigger.  A whole lot!
 
The funny thing is I sent a text to get a coupon code - I waited in the store forever it seemed - I bet the clerks thought I was nuts.  It never came.  The minute I pulled out onto the highway the code came!  Hmmph!  


Killing Kennedy

I am watching it right now - well as much as mom is allowing me to watch it.  Rob Lowe as Kennedy - who would have thought?  But I can tell you he is doing an awesome job.  This is proving to be a good docudrama.

It is based on a book by Bill O'Reilly.  Killing Lincoln was awesome. 

THE CROSS

Have you watched it?  The Cross by Billy Graham.  One of the most beautiful, heart warming, life changing programs one will ever watch.

I pray millions watched it and millions of lives were changed.

Alzheimer Observations.....

I can just about tell you I post mom's antics every day on Facebook.  I share not for pity, but for people to laugh and to pray for us.  I have to be honest - I do have some moments I feel resentful - wishing more would step up - understanding why one cannot.  But in all honesty, we have enough family that we could have relief every weekend and not one person do it twice in a 6 week period.  By relief I mean, me being able to grocery shop, for us to go to church, date night, Sam's games.  I have asked - with no response.  That hurts the worse - I rather just be told no than ignored.  It makes me wonder did I ever ignore pleas for help or not offer anyone help when it was obvious they needed it.

Sooooo, forgive me if they are repetitive from Facebook - I know a few of my readers are not on Facebook.

I promise you we could be a reality TV show.... going backwards....

I posted this week life with an Alzheimer's patient is much like the two movies 50 First Dates and Groundhog Day - I can leave the room and come back.  Mom will say "Hello, good to see you."  Bath time (for me) anyway is a challenge.  She hates going to the bathroom - all of a sudden terrified of the bathroom.  I literally have to sit in there with her -hold her hand while she goes potty.  I read the other day - to give an Alzheimer's patient beads or small toys to play with while in the bathroom.  I haven't done that yet.  Flashcards help her talk - if she seems to have forgotten how to talk - she doesn't make much sense anymore - she knows what she is saying.....


Sunday - (Today) I woke mom up this morning to give her medicine.  And forgive me - she would be mortified - but I have to share..... she said "not now Charles." bahahahahahaha.

We had respite care today - so Mrs. Debbie was our caregiver  - she was awesome - mom kept her busy walking around the house.  Debbie observed mom has no mobility issues.  (unless she is putting on show for someone)

Right now, mom is sun downing big time - to distract her I gave her the mop.  When I handed it to her - she asked when she was getting paid. She is now playing with her babies, covering them up and such. 

Saturday.....

Was pretty quiet and calm - she did her usual mopping.  Even mopped my feet.


Then she took a nap.....

 
One of my most important jobs.....her medicine. Melecia and I have worked together - figuring the delicate balance of what medicine and when.  She takes medicine five times a day.  I do this every Saturday night.  No room for error.  It is checked and rechecked.
 
 

Thursday...

Guess who gives the dogs bites of food....

 
 
Babies all comfy.
 

 
 
 


Church!

We attended church this morning.  It was wonderful to be back in Sunday School and worship. To see our church family.  I sure do miss them.  And I met a few "new" or new to me members - those I have become friends with on Facebook.  That was a blessing. 

I will never take for granted the gift of public worship.  I am so grateful for God's word, Christian radio, devotionals, etc - but nothing replaces the relationships formed in worship and in Sunday School/small groups.

If you are not involved in church or have stepped away - and you are able to attend - I encourage you to do so.  If you are in Millington or  Tipton County.  Even close by.  Visit Crosspointe Baptist Church in Millington.  I do not have the words as to what my church family means to me.  Right now I am in the ministry of taking care of mom - but I miss teaching the kiddos. 

Thank you Lord for your word, thank you for The Cross.

Oh my!

I typed several posts last night from my phone - but they are not here....I guess they are in la la land.   I am going to try to remember them.  I try to keep them separate by subject or thought.  And my mind was working overtime last night.

Hmmmmmmmm.

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Whoo hoo!!!

George Strait won entertainer of the year!


Whew!





Night two on bike, hoping the exercise helps with this depression and worry. I'm so out of shape and over weight.

Maybe it will help me sleep. Nah 

Rough night...and it isn't mom. It's life and my same song.

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Ummmm...seriously?

I am watching the CMA's - waiting on George Straight and Alan Jackson. 

I just don't get the new country.  And some of the outfits the ladies are wearing. 

Guess I am old fashioned....

ABC 123

Mom wasn't talking today - not that she really makes a whole lot of sense when she does - but it seemed worse.

I'm a tad stubborn.  I refuse for this hateful disease to take control without a fight.  I brought out the flash cards - and she did them all - said the words and the colors.  And she was a little more talkative. 

Alzheimer's.... HMMPH!

80 lbs or Size 12

This past weekend I needed to buy clothes.  I crossed a threshold number.  One that if I ever hit - I knew I needed to do something.  I knew I was close.  Blame it  on diet, inactivity, stress, depression,  or medicine, - or all of it. But I can't stay this way. I refuse.

I wanted an exercise bike - and found one.  Steve bought it and brought it home tonight.

My goal - please pray for me.  Challenge me!  80 lbs or Size 12!  Hold me accountable. 

I am going to walk the stairs at work, walk around the warehouse during the day - I am going to do this. 

Keeping in mind I just did my first round on the bike...I hope I can walk tomorrow....whew - my thighs are feeling it!.  bahahahahaha


Monday, November 04, 2013

Bluh

Feel guilty for whining considering what my nephew is going through.

But I feel bluh! 

Specific prayer
1. Rusty has round three of chemo next week.
2. Sam is struggling big time in English. 
3. Child support still an issue. Geesh.
4. I have a couple of needs trusting God!
5. Two projects at work to complete.
6. Steve's safety at work.
7. Mom to have more moments of clarity and physical strength.
8. My friend Nancy.
9. Peace and forgiveness in my family
10. Salvation of PS

Monday Musings....

Mom is very antsy tonight - she is all over the house.  hmmmm I hope she settles soon - I have work to do.

I feel like a cold is coming - I feel it behind my eyes and in my throat. 

I am aggravated....I heard this comment today "is this really my job?"  I could have blown a basket - but I walked around our warehouse a few times to calm down.  Hmmph.  After calming down - I took care of it very professionally.

We have respite care scheduled for Sunday - we will go to Sunday School and church.

A busy, busy day at work - and like I said I need to do some work from here at home. 

And I have some unspoken prayer requests....

You know.....

.....you live with a teenage boy when you find laundry in his pillowcase.  At least it wasn't on the floor.

.....you live with an Alzheimer patient when you find underwear (clean..thankfully!) hanging from every object in her room.

.....you live with a College Student when she brings in more laundry from her car than what is in her room - and she lives here!  And dishes!

Cleaning Mom

In everything she does - mom tries to clean - regardless of what she is doing - eating, going to the bathroom, going to bed..... she won't relax - and trust me this was how she was when she was well.  Everything had to be perfect....spotless..... she was miserable with company. As soon as folks would leave - she was wiping, cleaning and fussing. 

I like a clean house - but I have so learned to relax. Trust me - we don't need an intervention over here - but if everyone is uncomfortable - if I am uncomfortable because I am worrying about messes how do you enjoy life?



Sunday, November 03, 2013

Hmmph



Granted - Steve and I are relatively new to Facebook - we do not have 2,314 friends.  And we have disagreed on friends, etc..... but we are getting there. 

Maybe I am being prudish or old fashioned - but who the heck cares.....

This morning - I logged on and saw pictures from relatives - that literally made my jaw drop.  It upset me so.  They are mothers, daughters, employees - I couldn't believe it - they literally made me sick.
 I didn't unfriend them - but I hid from my news feed.  I just posted a friendly reminder about being careful on what we post.  I can promise you this - if they were our children - no matter the age - I would say something and yank them bald.  I just wanted to call them up and chew them out.  arrggghhhh -and I am not really that close to them.  What about their kids?  arrgghhhhhh

I am enjoying FaceBook - I see several couples have joint pages - wonderful for accountability.  We stay in touch with our church family and children I have taught. 

But really?  Is it necessary to put trash online?  Hmmph

Sunday


We didn't make it to church.  Mom literally was up and down all night.  I have mastered the removing of Depends - treat them like pull-ups on toddlers - rip those suckers on the side.  But I didn't sleep.  I am not sleeping.  I have read so much that it could be part of menopause.  I don't know - but it gets to me.

After the up and down night - mom had a good day - at breakfast I made pancakes - (one of my specialities  - if I do say so myself!) - mom said she wasn't hungry when I placed hers in front of her...well - four pancakes and 2 cups of coffee later - she definitely wasn't hungry. She ate more than anyone!

Then we managed bath time better than usual - I love the shower chair - why I think I can do without it is beyond me - I need to go Walmart or Bed Bath and Beyond - and get some grips that you can up on sink or tub - that do not require screws - that will help mom lift up more independently.

A funny - I can check every pocket of her pants and shirts - but I guarantee you I am going to wash a Kleenex.  No clue where they are tucked.  Ha ha.

I bought some 4 piece puzzles from Dollar tree and she likes those.  She mopped today for her usually two hours.

Tori, bless her heart had to work overnight last night  and is closing tonight- and Sam spent the night and went to church with friends. 

Around 2:30 we called Sam home - Steve and I went out - I bought a couple of outfits  - and I sooooo to lose weight - I was not happy - but I needed the clothes.  But it starts this week, walking - doing everything I can.  I told my sister, I will cleanse by colon.  bahahahahahaha.  My office is in a huge warehouse - I bet I start walking it a couple times a day and going up and down some stairs that lead to file room.  I had a threshold number - and I crossed it - and I will not stay that way.

Then we walked around Best Buy and then had a good dinner, followed by trip to the grocery store.  We went to a different Kroger - and I think..no I know their prices were higher - I buy the same stuff every week.  But we were right there. So that tells me sometimes things are priced according to the area you live.  Hmmph. 

Meals are planned for all week - three meals - 5 days.  Plus snacks - as I write this I am thinking of the upcoming cuts to the Food Stamp/SNAP program - $36 dollars a month average per family - which looking at my own budget  - it is doable.  But how will that affect the grocery business, farmers, packaging, etc?   Makes you think. 

My nephew Rusty - bless his heart - if Cancer is not enough - had a blowout - he needs tires on his truck - he has no $.  His disability is on hold - his employer is waiting on paperwork from doctor - and this means he will have to pay for health insurance - find him on Face book - Help Rusty Chomp Cancer - the need is so there. 

In addition to Rusty, please pray for my friend Nancy, my sister Judy (Rusty's mom)  - his entire family!  Pray for a few coworkers - Satan is attacking their marriages big time. 

Have a great week.




Saturday, November 02, 2013

Saturday...

Stayed busy today. Cleaned light fixtures...a few more to go. But house is cleaner than yesterday. I used to be so picky but with mom here and working I've relaxed a whole lot! 

The windows have been open..it has felt good. Tori took Sam for a haircut. Thank goodness...he needed it!  He just looks better with short hair. 

It felt good to be productive. Tons of laundry! I've been washing serving dishes and such for the upcoming holiday meals ...and with that I've decided to scale back. I'm cooking one Thanksgiving meal...and if folks can come great..if not that is okay. It is too much to cook two meals. Is that selfish? 

Mom has been pretty good today she is antsy right now. I know the time change is going to mess her up a tad. 

I have a few unspoken prayer requests... If you know me - one is same song...second verse. 

Cobtinue to pray for Rusty. And pray for our leaders. 


Friday, November 01, 2013

Unlikely Empathy

Mom and I went to Sonic and Dollar General.

At Dollar General mom was like a kid! Into everything! A young mom of a toddler was experiencing the same thing. She said "I think your hands are a tad more full than mine."

We survived and are in bed!

Friday Feelings

I feel like an absolute failure.  Obviously,  I didn't win the contest.  Oh well.  I can't even win that!  I feel ugly. God has a plan.  Something far bigger than what I can imagine.

And last night I had an inner battle with myself if I could continue this caregiver business!  Just praying for renewed rest, energy and knowledge as we progress.This has been a tough week with mom.  All of a sudden she does not, and I mean does not want to go into the bathroom (unless of course we enter any type of store - then she needs to go) - it has been a quandary for sure. She argues all the time with me!  Whew!  Last night I made her sit in the bathroom - I sat on the floor holding her hand - listening to Focus on the Family  (now isn't that a lovely image in your head?)  - finally success!  And she had to feel better! But had to clean her up, yep even me, then the bathroom, etc.  I should own stock in Clorox and Lysol.  Before the cleaning of me and the bathroom - I gave the dog baths - why not?  Get it over with.

We had tons of trick-r-treaters - all week we had heard rain, tornadoes, etc.... - and then it was gone - they started trickling by around 6:00  (the cute little ones) - ending with the heathern's (Sam's age) at 8:30 - we ran out of candy by 7:30.  At 8:30 the doorbell rang - three cute pretty girls - Sam's age - he said "I got it" and he compensated for lack of candy by giving the girls snack cakes!  bahahahahahahaha.  I kid not - we had two transvestites.  And then my two favorites - Arnold Horseshack (hey mr. kottttteerrrrrr trick r treat - kid had to be about 8 - sooooo cute!) and a MIB agent - so cool the way SHE did it. Played the part perfectly.  A lot of Iron Man's out there! 

My nephew had a decent week - after a bumpy Saturday. (he fainted - they took him to ER - he received some fluids and he felt better)  This is the week after Chemo - he will have next week off - then back at it again for chemo the following week.

My friend Nancy - will have a double mastectomy on November 20.  Please be in prayer.  This was  a tough call for her - her mother passed away of breast cancer - though they have caught it early - she doesn't want to risk going through this again - she is very strong.

I was so lazy last weekend - and I can assure you - it won't happen this weekend - I am getting stuff done.  I was having a pity party I guess - then I was mad at myself Sunday night and was running around like a chicken with head cut off.

I did manage to cook every night this week - which is good!  I have slowed down on breakfast every day - just because I have so much to do in the mornings.

I am hoping we can attend church this weekend - we have a choir concert Sunday night - and would love to attend Sunday Morning.

I appreciate your prayers.  I am blessed.