Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
We have been praying for extra income - I will be working part - time at H & R Block during tax season.
Pray for balance, energy and strength. Pray that Steve, Mom, and Kids adjust accordingly. God opened this door.
I just wrapped up my last week of my at home bookkeeping job that I have been doing for three years - I was sad for awhile - but it will be nice to not have to "work" at home once I have been at work all day. Just swapping one job for the other I suppose - but it won't be at home. We will still deliver books/magazines for a bit.
Please pray we get just a little stable financially.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Mom is getting worse. It is sad. I am discouraged beyond belief. Though I must admit the past two days have not been that bad.
She dusted my entire house last night - she was going to town with the Endust and feather duster. Whew.
I don't think she knows me as her daughter - I am just someone who takes care of her. Last night after work I went to her house - took her some groceries and dinner - she said, "
I am going with you!" She packed her little bag was out the door.
The other day I was entering invoices and running reports for my last few weeks of in home bookkeeping - she stood over my shoulder the whole time - I couldn't thnk - then my internet/computer crashed - I was so impatient and ill tempered. It is no excuse - but she forgets when I am short with her.
It is literally like having a toddler - watching every step or move.
I have said many a time - this is for a season. God has a plan - I just wish I would put my words and thoughts into action.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Mom had a good weekend. Well, as good as can be expected.
She wanted to do Christmas Cards - we sat at my kitchen table - she painstakingly signed her name, or Mom, or Aunt Martha on about 20 cards - she would get frustrated if she made a mistake - I said - that's okay - here is another one. I hope those folks who receive her card will treasure it......I want to tell them to save that snippet of handwriting for years to come.
She ate quite a bit. For a little woman she has a huge appetite at times.
A funny...Saturday morning I went over and cooked her breakfast...she said "I already ate!" I said "really? what did you eat?" She said "I hate chips a hoy cookies - chocolate covered cherries and peppermint sticks..." Ha ha ha. She did end up eating breakfast - loved my canned biscuits. Ha ha. I told her I would give her the recipe.
I was taking her home this morning she saw a building on what used to be a country store...she said "your daddy used to go there to buy bread and milk...I would tell him he was going out of his way and paying twice as much...but he wanted to support the little man who ran that store." (That is so my dad - once he took breakfast to a Union protester at a local Walmart - and dad picketed with him - I was so proud - he stood up for what the believed)
Overall it was a good weekend for her - but last night was rough. She had been with me - wanted to go home - I took her home - washed some dishes and clothes. Then left...I was tired - went to bed as soon as I got home. Phone rang a short while later - it was mom - she wanted to come "home" (my house) I went and picked her up - she had packed up her entire bedroom and bathroom in garbage bags - ready to move. Sad and sweet. We only brought one bag - the one with PJ's.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Our family is hurting. I am tired and I am drained.
I am working on getting help for mom - it is such a process - doesn't seem fair or balanced. One place has called me back - they seem to have a sweet spirit about them- so I am going to follow them through the process. I don't know if it will lead to home care or a nursing home - I am so sad about it . She needs way more than I can provide. I hate Alzheimer's disease - please tell me the purpose of this disease?
We are hurting financially. There is no money for Christmas. Heck we barely make it now. This is getting to me more than I thought. Truth be known we are hanging on by our fingernails.
Tori's car is not working - we thought we had another car - but that didn't work out.
Other arrows and darts have been thrown our way - and I have passed my breaking point. I had a breakdown at work - how unprofessional.
Please pray for us.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Boy does it get in the way.
Here lately, life's arrows have been thrown are way in a speed that would make the best marksman stand amazed.
- Three car wrecks in August has resulted in me finding car insurance for all of us. Good grief.
- A signifcant loss of income has hit us.
- Mom is getting worse
- Poor Tori has had car problems from every where - I hate that I can't help her right now - my heart aches for her. I feel like I have failed her somehow.
- Money for groeceries and bills would be nice. ha ha
- Ex Husband & child support - I will not bash - but I will let you fill in the blanks. Hmmph.
Church - we are still in church limbo I hate it. I need to settle. To serve. To have a Sunday School Class.
Bible - I am reading more - and boy can I tell if i don't. I have so far to go - but feel a little more at peace than I used to.
Forgiveness - I need to forgive. I need to ask for forgiveness from people. There are those around me who need to forgive - I don't think they will see happiness if the don't.
A blessing..this may sound silly. If you have AT&T - invest in Road Side Assistance. It is awesome. $2.99 a month. We utilized it on poor Tori's car - it is money well spent. Thank you AT & T!
Please pray for a financial miracle for us!
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Okay, forgive me but just allow me to vent via this blog for a moment.
I know we have so much to be thankful for. But I am so tired of worrying about groceries, gas, car issues and such. We are so struggling. I know we are not alone in this boat - but goodness it sure feels like it.
Mom has kept us busy......read what happened last night:
We have been up all night with mom. She went to bed about 9:00 - I went to bed around 10:00 - she woke up at 12:40. So I did get a couple of hours of sleep.But she never went back to sleep until it was time to get up!
Last night she woke up so confused - it was unreal. She started pounding on walls, screaming "nurse, nurse" - the tv was on - she started knocking on it thinking it was a window- yelling "help help". I tried calming her down - she sat down for a minute - took her shoes off - I thought she was going back to bed - but oh how wrong - she came over and started hitting/beating me in the head with her little Reebok Tennis Shoe. Unreal! It is hard to fight her off because I don't want to hurt her. She stopped - but then she took the glass of water that I keep by the bedside for her - and poured it on my head. All doors and windows were locked - but I tried keeping her in one room to isolate any damage to the house.She finally went to sleep at 4:40.
I am so blasted tired, discouraged and sad. I need some good news!