Sunday, August 31, 2014

WRECK

Steve was in a head on collision on Monday - it is only by God's grace and mercy - that no one was hurt. 

There was debris in the road - a 2 x 4 - he slid on that - it went up in his truck - and locked his brakes causing him to spin- a second driver did the same - both hitting each other - it was a no fault accident.

I cannot tell you how blessed we are for God's protection.

We only had liability - not good.  But the next day - we were able to get a truck - a Toyota Tacoma - he has to have a truck for work.  I am not going to lie - I was/am slightly worried about a new bill -but God is working.  (I told Steve I prayed all day Tuesday - if it was meant to happen - God would open a door without a whole lot of complications)  I negotiated online - went through the approval process, the vehicle picked out - etc.  it was painless.  Our car insurance went DOWN, our mortgage payment went DOWN.  Small things that will help.  Praise the Lord. 

It is everywhere......

I am a member of several support groups online through Facebook and such.  Every day I read about the loss of a loved one because of Alzheimer's.

What I have also learned - it is a worldwide epidemic.  The United States is way behind in providing care and treatment compared to Switzerland, Australia, and the UK (though they are facing some set backs).  Those who work in care centers here in the US need more training and higher pay.  They are on the low end of the pay scale and do some of the hardest work out there. 

Some of the posts I read, I could have written.  My heart breaks especially of those with early onset Alzheimer's - those in their 50's and 60's.  College professors, pastors, doctors, teachers, construction workers, stat at home mom's, politicians...no one is immune.  Alzheimer's literally strips everything away. 

Alzheimer's does something to the caregiver and the family.  I can tell you that at this moment I am so tired and my whole body aches.  And believe it or not, mom goes to bed early, it is the stuff before hand, the worry, the roles of being mom, wife, caregiver, employee that seem to drain the very life out of me.

We went to church this morning, and it hurt to walk, it hurt to stand.  I was too tired to speak in class, I came home and looked in the mirror - and did not like what I saw.

Mom is easier and harder to care for.  I don't have to worry about her getting into everything, and I am pretty certain - soon, we can take down baby gates, and take off door knob covers.  Harder because there are times when she absolutely can do nothing for herself...... she will walk one day and the next day refuses.  One day she feeds herself, the next day she cannot.  It is up and down.

There is a cure out there somewhere - in a lab - and one it is found it will help with so many other diseases.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Birthday

I turned 45 on the 13th.  It was a nice day with sweet messages and more. 

Mom knew my name on that day.  It was nice.

45 and I am having hot flashes - I was miserable yesterday.  Steve and I went to a movie and grocery shopping - but before we left - I had to take a 2nd shower - I was so sweaty.  Arrrgghhhhh.

Church

We went to church today.  Just worship.  Getting up and getting mom cleaned up when she wakes up and getting to Sunday School on time - was just too hard - we were late - and I felt like we were disturbing/distracting the class. Worship service was wonderful.  Nothing like the power of  God's word.

Sam will either go with us or with his friend Ryan.  Today he stayed home because mom is very unsteady on her feet - she has a hurt knee.  And I wanted him here in case he was needed to help lift her.

Mom is definitely entering the last stage or between stage 6 and 7.  She is leaning more - but still eating and swallowing.  Drinking plenty of liquids and responds to us talking to her and plays with her babies.  She is wobbly walking..I can't decide if she is walking by my sheer will or hers.  I do not want to see her bed ridden.

I hate this disease.  I really do. 

Found in Chicago

Read a few posts down about Willie Nunn - he disappeared over three weeks ago.  He was found Saturday - 30 blocks from his home in South Side Chicago.  He showed up at a place - "reporting for work."   Thank goodness he did.

Thank you for praying - this is an awesome praise. 

Robin Williams

Na nu na nu Genie.

Sad.

2004

I don't think I posted this...a friend sent me this pic ..6 year old Sam and ... Me. 

Couldn't they wait?

Halloween is up in stores....  


Me

I am five years old in this picture...though Judy tells me I always acted serious and was born 20.


A Huge Issue/Emotion For Me

I may have written about it before. But right now this is a huge problem area for me. 

Resentment. I am usually the first to forgive and get over things..but it is getting harder. 

Resentment toward those who never visit or help with mom. Resentment that I am
not even asked how she is doing.

Resentment with lack of kindness. The past week someone used a card scimmer at a gas pump to drain my account. Bank is working on it...for whatever reason this takes time. I did not know until I checked out to buy groceries and my card was denied. Unreal. I asked someone related that I may need help with groceries...never answered text. Another said momma could just do without. I was heartbroken.  Church family helped when a friend spoke up..and bank released $100.

At work someone is being cruel with words and I don't understand it. 

Resentment toward Alzheimer's and all that it does.  It destroys everything. Robs the person of everything.

There's no denying my marriage is under attack. 


I am just sad...and I know I must work on my own attitude. 


N

This is the letter N in Iraqi,..also Nazarene. Uses my ISIS to identify Christians....and later kill them.  Sound familiar? We cannot allow this to continue.


10th Grade and #61

First day of school and first Friday football pictures......  2014

  

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I admit....

I am sitting here at work - thankfully the radio has been turned off - it has been on all day - and it just got to me.  We have been so busy.  It blows my mind, how busy.

Please be in prayer for a family - Husband has been unfaithful for a year -  4 children - I have been talking to the wife - up until  yesterday - when I told her it was NOT okay to date - you are still married - and just separated.  She did not like my answer.  I know how she feels -but she should not even begin to think about dating until after a year - and God can still heal that marriage.

Back to my post - I am not ready to put on my caregiver hat.  I am drained from today.  I need to mow the yard when I get home - and have plenty of catch up work to do.  I am tired darn it!

Mom is getting easier and harder to take care of - if that makes any sense - easier - because I really don't worry about  her wandering off - harder because she can't do much for herself. Harder because she is more stubborn and still mean.

Did I mention I am tired?

Monday, August 11, 2014

Kindness

The lack of kindness from those closest to you has to be the most heartbreaking things to endure.

Saturday, August 09, 2014

Saturday

 


Whew - it has not been a good day - box of chocolates mom - seems to be the ones you nibble and put back in the box.  Mean, grouchy, into EVEYTHING.  She is a climber now - tries to climb things.  I just washed her up - we took a shower last night.  That seemed to help her - smelling pretty.  Such a girl.

It seems on Saturday, our laundry triples, and no clue why.  I am so spoiled to Melecia doing it during the week - something she does not have to do.  But coming home to laundry done is Christmas every day. 

Sam and his team did real well last night during their scrimmage game. They won 21-0.  Whoop Whoop.  That is awesome.

I am just gong to say it, I am ill as a hornet today.  Stressed about mom. Work was stressful. Finances are getting me down. My teeth.  You name it - I can throw and I will throw an awesome pity party about it.  Just going to be honest - I am a wreck.  But using my own words - "I'll be strong."  And I will get over it.  I am just in a mood.  And one thing is if you know me well - I have experienced Same Song -2nd verse this week.  It gets old.

I guess I sound terribly ungrateful and selfish - I just needed to vent.  Sorry about that. 

I am looking forward to going to church tomorrow- hopefully I will not be as tired as I was last week.  I could barely stay awake. 





Thursday, August 07, 2014

Unspoken Prayer request

Unspoken prayer request......

News

I will have some pics later...but Sam has begun 10th grade.  English, Biology, Algebra 2 and Spanish.  Plus football.  A pretty full schedule.

Tori has begun her Reserve Officer position in Atoka, TN and will Begin Bethel College toward Masters degree in September.  Graduation date goal - December 2015.  Pray pray she keeps this up.  These will be online classes.

I am proud of both kids.  I love them much.

URGENT PRAYER

Our Sunday caregiver, Ms. Janice Weems, a sweet heart and we love her, along with her family need prayer.  Her brother, Willie Nunn from Chicago is missing - this is day nine. 

Here is the link.  Help spread the word and pray.

Willie Nunn, 75

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-cops-man-75-confused-and-missing-from-south-side-20140802-story.html

Three In a Row


Back in the day - in the old Southern Baptist way - you were asked to attend church, training union (remember that) and Sunday School - three times before joining.

My other mother, mentor and Sunday School teacher, Mrs. Mary,  in my hardest days -  told our class if you missed three Sundays in a row- it was hard to get back in the habit - and how true.  Likewise - if you attend three Sundays in a row - you are on a routine.  Well, because of extra care - we have made it to church three Sundays in a row.  This past Sunday I was just so tired - I was sick.  A bout of insomnia had hit me for about five days....but we made it.  It is nice to be back with church family and worshiping. 

Never take church attendance for granted.  I am grateful for my faith and God's word - and all the resources available to study - but nothing can replace worship and fellowship.

From hellish day to a gift...sorta



Today I took mom to the doctor for a check up.  Should have been normal and routine?  Well, heck no, there is nothing normal and routine when it comes to Alzheimer's.

All week, mom had tummy issues - no matter what was given, what was done, what she ate - no potty.  It came to a head this morning - of course!  The great poopie explosion - three times.  Two showers later, three outfits - all washed twice along with bedding, a bleached bathroom from top to bottom...we have a bit of time before the visit. She was quiet - cooperative real good.

We leave for the doctor - no issues getting her in the car. Trust me a HUGE miracle. We stop at Sonic for my therapy drink and I get her a Sprite and tater tots - she wolfed down.  We get to the doctor - she will not get out of the car - took about 10 minutes - but we make it.  We arrive inside - sign in and they call her back. The nurse, bless her heart, set the tone for the day, she tried to take mom's purse out of her hands so she can be weighed.  Ummmm no.  That was it.  Mom was through. 

The doctor wants a urine specimen based on last visit and they are thinking UTI.  So I get her in the bathroom - but there is no getting her on the potty - she fights, kicks, you name it - finally sits down.  A nurse comes to help - mom grabs my head and bangs it against wall and pulls out clunks of hair.(she always goes for my head or face-even when I was little - nothing like a flip flop on the face)  It took two people to get her to let go of me.  Unreal and embarrassing.  She goes potty -  we clean her up - get her back in wheel chair and back to room. Doctor was kind enough to say just go and we will call you with results.  Thank goodness.  No word yet.

Now the gift...I called care coordinator ..she called doctor...I may be getting more help and in home medical visits. (doc is going to arrange)  Praise the Lord! May take a bit to get set up -but they are going to try to hurry.  I was already worn out from the early morning bathroom nightmare - I was an emotional wreck.  I had an emotional breakdown - two nurses crying with me.

When I was trying to get mom in the car, a gentleman (rare these days) sees that we are struggling - he was a doctor - he lifts mom, gets her in car, buckles seat belt, has wheel chair in trunk in record time.  Mom offered him a tip. He laughed.  I decided he was an angel. He never said a word.

I know we are taking a turn down a different road  - a turn toward the end.  I know mom is mean and cruel at times - but I also know she is saved and rest in that knowledge.  I just need support, and it is not coming from those I need it from.  I ask for prayers.  I need to get stronger.  I need to be healthier.  I need to lose weight.  So many things.  I have put ME on the back burner for too long and I so feel it.  Please pray for mom, for clearer moments, fewer falls, less agitation, sleep filled nights and cooperative days.  Pray for my marriage and my kids - this is touching every area of our lives.  Pray for me - for the above wants and needs.

I thank you for your prayers.