TO BE OR NOT TO BE.....

(Allow me to set this up...)

At my office - we share space with a similar business. We each have our own side - sharing conference room, kitchen, restrooms and warehouse space. Though we are two different companies, all of us are friends.

So here we go.

Several of us (all women) were talking yesterday - talking about kids, clothes, just stuff, and men (of course). Another one came in - and this is what she said "Becky,you have pretty skin and eyes. You would be so pretty if we just "flashed" you up a bit. Add some earrings, make your hair more wild and more makeup - you would be WOW." I couldn't think of anything to say...I just smiled and nodded. (I just keep things simple. My shower is the longest part of my getting ready routine.)

So my question...

To be or not to be....

Offended. (What I am not WOW now?)

Complimented. (Pretty skin and eyes-I work on the skin thing)

Encouraged. (Someone thinks I have potential)

Depressed. (Just another comment to add my to therapy file.)

To be or not to be...

Hmm...

Maybe all of them.

It has begun....

Homework.


The drama.

My son.

Need I say more?

(picture tired, mad, sobbing 9 year old, swearing I hate him, because I make him study his spelling words and reading definitions)

What should take 10-15 minutes tops - takes my son 45 minutes to an hour to finish.

Whoo Hoo!

School is back in session.

THE BIRTHDAY BAG

This morning my kids gave me a birthday gift (Thanks D.C.!) - bubble bath in a gift bag when opened, plays music. With a card that plays music.

I am pretty sure the bag was more than the gift. My son wants me to give him a present in the bag - he really likes the bag.

It was a sweet moment.

I am blessed.

38

Tomorrow-August 13. I will turn 38.

Funny, 18 years ago, I pictured my life at 38 so differently than it is right now. At times I struggle with feeling like a failure. 38 seems so old to be starting over. But I have to look at this time as a learning experience and a cherished gift.

38 - wow I am the mother of a teenager and a nine year old.

38- I have grown so much since I was 30

38- As written a few posts down - I will soon be in a different category on applications.

Thanks to those who have already helped me celebrate my birthday. You my friends are the best gifts of all.

A New Pastor....

Our new pastor began his ministry today. I am so excited.

We kick off Children's Choir next week. I have a great team. They are the best. I have worked with most of them, but we have new people joining us this year. Welcome my friends.

God loves us so much. Let's give Him our best.

I dedicate this post to A.B. - one of the funniest people I know. These are her thoughts, ideas and predicaments. :) Love ya girl!

JAWS OF LIFE NEEDED AT THE SCHOOL

On the 2nd day of school last week, the school parking lot, the road in front of the school, all roads to the school, were all packed. Like the mall at Christmas time.

I walked my son in with school supplies - as we were walking in, I saw A.B. in her van. Just sitting there. She was boxed in by the car in front of her and the car behind her. She couldn't leave. Now, how is a mother supposed to enjoy kids being back at school if she is boxed in at the school? I guess they could have brought in Jaws of Life and rescued her. I guess it wasn't necessary. I am assuming she got out okay. I mean she looked and smelled clean at church this morning.

I AM JUST TRYING TO DO MY HAIR

A.B. is the mother of three boys. So counting her husband, she lives with four men. She told me last week, that all she was trying to do was do her hair - but they kept running in and out and around her. Obviously the men in her household do not put any significance into good hair days.

Girl, you've got to work on that. You have three future daughter-in-laws counting on you.

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO CAN PUT ME IN A NURSING HOME

A.B. brought it to my attention this morning, that we as the parents of teenagers, have to be nice to them. Why? Because as scary as it seems, these are the people responsible for our care when we get older. (I am shuddering now) My room at the nursing home will be decorated in pink and purple, with boa's for curtains, and army men for knick knacks.

Barbie & Skipper

I could not list favorite toys and such without bringing up Barbie and friends.

I used to play Barbie for hours. I remember playing on our front porch, and Chris B. from down the street coming up and grabbing a Barbie mid-dress and waving her in the air - yelling "naked doll - naked doll." (funny how I remember that) Of course I used to get very mad at him. And that just made him tease me more.

Don't you remember the pink vinyl case that held about 4 Barbies and accessories - the little box at the end of the case - where you would try to stuff all the clothes and shoes? I had a few of those - and then if you were really lucky-you got one of those DELUXE cases - man I was proud of that case. Of course Barbie had dishes, beds, etc. I loved playing with Barbie.

Remember the Barbie make-up/style head? Where you could fix her hair and make-up. Of course eventually the makeup would be used up or broken. And you could actually wear some of the same hair stuff! How cool!

Ken had weird hair and clothes.

I remember Skipper. Barbie was the one you wanted to be like - but Skipper was the one you related to. She had no figure, she was little, and and she wore hand-me-downs from Barbie.

And her hair was always fried. (look at above picture - the one in the middle -see her hair? Barbie and friend are all slicked back and smooth - but poor Skipper her hair is off to the side)

My Aunt Evie one time gave me some old material scraps and safety pins - my Barbies looked so good in the different styles of dress I made from them. Or so I thought.

I think some girls today don't appreciate Barbie as much - because we started buying them too early for them. (my daughter included). From experience - 5 and 6 are good ages to start the Barbie trend.

Views of the new school year....


My daughter - "I love high school. It's freakin' awesome mom." (she left me a voicemail at work)

My son - "It's okay, until you have to do work and when the teacher fusses."

Me: "I thought we wouldn't need as many supplies for a 9th grader - boy was I wrong - so far every class - Expo markers, Kleenex and hand sanitizer. Not to mention $20 fees for locker and agenda, $10 lab fees, $20 for something else. UGGHHHHHHH"
(I am waiting for fundraiser stuff now. Yuck)

The First Day of School

Yep, you want it to last all year. The kids hopping up, happy to be going to school, proud of the new back pack.

I give it a week.

The Obvious Touch of God's Hand

Last night on my way home from work, the grocery store and picking up my daughter- we were almost hit by another car.

This car, driven by a kid- with 2 passengers, pulled out in front of me - they were going so fast. Realizing what was about to happen, the driver straightened but did not slow down-ended up on the wrong side of the road-, and almost hit us head on. I swerved to miss, and thankfully we did and all was okay. We didn't hit anything. The kids raced away. Not stopping to check to see if we were okay.

I keep thinking about the what ifs. What if I had been driving faster? (I am accused of driving too slow by a couple of friends), what if I had not slowed down at that particular turn near the soccer fields? What if I had not been paying attention? What if I had been on the phone? What if...what if...what if....

I was scared, upset and then mad. Feeling these things all at once and then individually as it sunk in.

Now I am relieved and I realize the touch of God's hand. He protected us. God is good.

SELECT THE APPROPRIATE BOX

On applications, employee forms, surveys, etc, you have boxes you check

{} Male o {} Female

{} Married {}Single {} Divorced {}Separated

Income (I just look at the bottom)

Age - now that is a biggie.

With my birthday coming around the corner - I realize I will soon be marking a different category. True, I am not 40 - yet - but it is getting here fast.

I will be categorized differently. I will be in a different category. Do I need to make life changes before my category changes? Hmm.

It's a thought. Now I feel I am under all this pressure to accomplish something before my category changes.

How will I do it?

SHOPPING WITH A TEENAGE GIRL...

It is a land few venture in, only the brave and strong of heart survive.

You could see the survivors everywhere, mothers like me, ready to pull their hair out, or pull their daughter's hair out. The girls rolling their eyes, not quite understanding why we refuse to pay $20 for 3 pair of socks or $40 for a belt (something in me just refuses to pay more for the belt than I did for the pants)

I went shopping with my daughter Friday night.
(My son went along for added fun)

We may have bruises and scars but we survived.

My son said he will never be that much trouble shopping - and I don't have to worry about him shopping at the mall-because he said it is too much trouble and no fun at all. (It took him 15 minutes to pick out a backpack, shoes, socks and a shirt-all of it BROWN - his color of choice this year - he will look like a "critter" all year) I will remind him of this when he was in high school - because from what I saw boys shop in these same stores with the too loud music and counter help the same age as my own kids.

When will I learn? I should just give her the $ and let her go - but no, I have to like care about how it looks and such.

What am I?

Oh, I know, a mom.

Read down a few posts...

I really want a Mrs. Beasley doll.

I think I will try to find one.

MEN

You think women are complicated?

Please.

I am ready to give up and throw in the towel.

Starbucks, keys, Walmart and coat hangers.

This afternoon right before church, my daughter wanted to go to Starbucks - at first I resisted, then thought better, she and I have hit a couple of rough spots of late, we could use the time together.

We go in, I have my debit card.

We order.

I realize I don't have my keys.

I do the initial look everyone in the place thing. Pat down my pockets. I run out to the car - I never lock my doors - this time I did with the keys in them.

We first ask everyone in the place for a coat hanger. No one has anything. (did I mention my cell phone was in the car too?) I am trying very hard to save money - I am not calling a locksmith.

Walmart is across the street, my daughter and I walk to Walmart - we will find a coat hanger - in the process- my daughter is wearing new shoes - slip on canvas shoes - cute cute. They are giving her blisters, so she is walking funny. We make it to Walmart - find the hangers, I send her to find her self some socks. We check out - walk back over to my car at Starbucks. We both get a hanger ready (I had to buy hangers - Walmart did not have any wire hangers - go figure-they use plastic).

We work at it - my daughter finally gets in the window. I take over, and finally I get it unlocked. She and I are laughing and high-fiving each other-whooping and hollering. We look up and the guys working at Starbucks are laughing at us.

What did I learn?
1. To make sure I have my keys. Duh
2. Teenage boys at Starbucks are absolutely worthless when it comes to stuff like this - I shudder at the thought of my daughter dating one of them.
3. The typical guy's guy was no where to be found at Starbucks. Not even a redneck guy who duct tapes everything.
4. My daughter learned how to do something. And it was done without a guy. So there.
5. I did not panic - because about 4 years ago I would have been a wreck.
6. We made it to church - late -but still heard a good sermon
7. I have a good story to tell.
8. I will not lock my doors in my home town.

Anniversary.

Today my parents would have been married 57 years. My dad passed right before their 52nd anniversary.

They did something right, or both (if not one) were incredibly patient and giving.

When I started my....you know.....monthly cycle

Ugh.

Yuck.

Another moment that shaped me.

Another moment between mother and daughter that should be special, tender, a Hallmark commercial.

Again, I say, far be it for us to do anything normal.

I was in 9th grade when it finally happened - I was beginning to wonder if it would ever would (now I want it to stop-but that's another blog).

And those of you who have known me since high school, or know the layout of our town, picture the store by the post office and drug store-the one that has since moved and changed ownership.

I started my period in school - close to the end of day. So she takes me to the little grocery store -where several boys from school work. She buys me a HUGE bag of generic pads - the bag was yellow and had huge black letters on it. I wanted to stay in the car- she would not have it- I had to go in. I had to go through the check out line with her, a gallon of milk, coffee, and this huge value size yellow bag of pads. And a boy from school checked us out.


I used to think I was being overly dramatic - but it was horrible.

Again, I have yet to recover.

MY FIRST BRA

I have to tell you about one of the most life changing and humiliating moments in my life. One that contributed to the neurotic person I am. :)

Okay girls, you know the time...we all had to face it....the first bra. Normally a sweet time, a precious time - a time of bonding between mother and daughter.

Well, far be it for me and my mother to do anything normal.

Time for shopping for my first bra - and somewhere in my 11-year old brain-I had this image of trying on pretty lacy bras, one with a flower or a bow.

Oh, no.

First of all, my mother takes me to SEARS OUTLET store. UGH.

We find the bras. I am looking for my "ideal" bra. Not to be found in SEARS OUTLET (and for the record - back then everything had a funny smell in SEARS OUTLET-these stores were the discount stores for Sears) I am upset, my mother does not give in to my tears or my pout.

She finds a bra - plain and in my opinion ugly.

Here is the part you have been waiting for.....

She makes me try it on in the store, over my clothes. Her theory no one will notice. I did.

And I have yet to recover.

RED, WHITE AND BLUE BICYCLE

The year was 1976 the 200th birthday of our nation. It was the summer. It was my birthday.

My parents were separated -working through some stuff.

For my birthday my dad bought me a bicycle. It was red,white and blue. I was so excited.

I couldn't wait to ride it.

First ride, I ran right into a tree.

Second time, I almost made it up the street.

Third time, I zipped past Chris B's house. (he always picked on me)

Fourth time, I made it up and down the street, finished in time for the ice cream man to come and me eat my Popsicle sitting on the curb, the juice falling onto my bruised knees. Boy that was a good day.

Growing up with older parents and siblings, I was always older mentally and socially than other kids my age. I don't have a whole lot of memories of childhood - but for whatever reason, this toy idea of mine has triggered them.

I'm glad. I was starting to worry about myself.

Please be in prayer for my brother-in-law. Today he has surgery - a defibrillator for his heart.

I am headed to the hospital now.

Thank you in advance for praying!

I finally have one up on my ex husband....

He called the other day to tell me - that while kids were at his home in Knoxville last month - our daughter called her friend in California 25 times from their home phone - no long distance plan.

Well, I can beat that.....

We received our phone bill yesterday...our daughter called her friend in California 81 times.

When you visit me in jail, remember to bring chocolates and cigarettes so I can buy my protection.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

Maybe.

I will think about it.

DONNY AND MARIE

Growing up my Donny and Marie Dolls were two of my favorites. I had the sound stage too. I loved it! The lights worked. They both had purple outfits on (I tried finding a decent picture - but couldn't so this picture from their show will have to do.) Of course Barbie and the gang were jealous of Marie - she had the best clothes.



I loved everything Donny and Marie. Watched the show every week, had every ALBUM (yes ALBUM) thanks mainly to my older sister - but I treasured them. I always loved the clip of the Andy Williams show when they were on it. I was a Donny & Marie junkie. :)



And yes when they came back around 1999/2000 with their own talk show, I watched it.

This is going to be fun...old toys and old favorite television shows.

I already have an idea for the next one!

MY FAVORITE DOLL GROWING UP

Remember this doll? I loved this doll. I got her one Christmas along with a luggage set. She was my absolute favorite - she used to sit in one of the chairs of my little wooden kitchen set with the red burners - and we would drink cups of tea. (I started early on the tea thing!)

Recognize her? She is Mrs. Beasley! I loved her so! She was my favorite, right along with a pink and white checkered dog, I named Charlie. I still have him - but I don't have her. I would love to have her!

I think I will start writing about some of my favorite toys and such from my youth - that would be fun.

Girl Talk

Last night I had one of the best conversations ever with my friend D.C.

Don't you love girl talk?

You talk about anything and everything! No holes barred.

We talked about men (or lack there of), kids, work, money, life, sex (or lack there of), we talked about everything! It was so much fun.

And then it got me to thinking...this is what I know about friendship between women.

We can go into the ladies restroom together, do our business, and somehow, someone has the urge to show off her new bra & underwear to her friends. (Yes this has happened) And no one things anything of it.

If you do not know a woman you meet in the restroom chances are you will both leave friends. I've held the stall door closed for a stranger - and she for me. If there is a diaper changing station - you may have borrowed or loaned diapers and wipes. Sometimes there are women changing clothes - and that opens up a whole other conversation-on how hard some things are to get on.

(The previous two paragraphs may explain why our longs are longer!)

Most of your women friends understand your craving for chocolate. No explanation required.

Most of your women friends understand your need to highlight your hair. DUH.

Most of your women friends will be mad at the man who broke your heart for a lot longer than you will be mad.

Most women understand these two words: Matthew McConaughey

Most women understand the rush to clean your house when your mother is coming over.

Most women understand why you hate the dressing room mirrors.

And I could keep going....

I love girl talk.

The qualities my son is looking for in a husband for his mother.....
(keep in mind he is nine)

"Mom, it is okay if you date or marry someone with a handsome nice nine year old boy - someone like me, because I would have someone to play with. It is even okay if he has a rude, spoiled brat, selfish 15 year old daughter, but if he has her, he has to have the son, there is no way I am living with two of them and try to handle them on my own." (and no I am not kidding and I will throw an Amen to that one!)

"Mom you need to date and marry, we want a step-dad, I mean so there is someone for you, I will still buy you a house, and he can live there if he wants too. but I am not mowing the yard, he can do that."

"Mom, we don't want you to be lonely. You deserve someone to be nice to you and stuff. And maybe you won't have to work so hard and be tired."

And yes I teared up on that one...

Is he a hoot or what?!

You know you are pathetic...

When your 9-year old son tells you to go to E-Harmony - because he is worried about me.
"Mom, really, don't you like need a life?"

When your 14-year daughter tells you "mom, that guy in the car next to us is checking you out." And your son chimes in "Yeah, mom and look, he is driving an Altima (dream car)"

Yep, that's me, the Charlie Brown of single moms.

I give up.

It is one of my new favorite sounds....

Let me explain.

About once a week, twice if time allows I will check on the home of my kids' great-grandmother. She is not home right now - but between, me, her neighbors, friends, and her church family - we take care of the house.

Her house is two houses down from the train tracks. I used to think it would be totally aggravating to live near railroad tracks - the noise, the vibration, etc.

But oddly it is at the same time lonely yet comforting. Lonely - because a train is on it's own basically. Comforting - because that train has a destination. It is going somewhere - and along the way - it picks up and creates many stories. The train is consistent - at least it seems to be - same times every day - the consistency alone is comforting. (as I write I see what I long for in life!)

An odd note, do you ever notice the graffiti on these things? These people should be in art school - some of it is that good.

Happy Birthday, S.D.!

I love ya!

Becky

Friends....

Girls night. No kids! I went out with friends tonight - it was so much fun. I needed it. We saw No Reservation followed by dinner. We laughed and giggled. 6 different personalities - what a treat. (I am sure we could be heard all around the restaurant - when we were all laughing)

Thank you for a good night my friends!

Love,

Becky

The calendar may say this.....

But in all reality...today is a thinly disguised.....

MONDAY!

This has been one of the hardest days I have had in a very long time. I am worn out all the way around!

Good luck Friday Precious. Go with an open heart and mind. Relax, enjoy the moment - have fun!


Love always,

B.

Will someone please tell me, when my son grew up?

The nerve.

The last thing I remember, 3 years old - head full of curls - and Blue's Clues.

Now he is nine with legs and arms a mile long.

The nerve.

School Supplies....


The list doesn't seem to get shorter as my children age,
It just seems to get more expensive.

Whew! I have several "teacher" friends - so I understand
the need - but it sure is hard.

I am totally looking forward to arguing with my son over homework. Looking forward to trying to figure out how my daughter can listen to the radio, watch TV, talk on the phone, and do homework all at the same time.

I am a person who "thrives" on routine - that is what I am looking forward to - the routine of things. But hey, they are consistent about arguing with me.

"It's Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody...."



Well, heck, that is how I am feeling just at this moment. I am thinking a cup of tea would get me over the thought.

Random thoughts.....

My daughter is home from camp, exhausted, full of stories and still very much a teenage girl.

My son has been so funny all day - it is never dull when you have a nine year old boy around.

I cooked a great meal today. BBQ Ribs, Corn Casserole, green beans, pasta salad and watermelon. It was good. Everyone is full! My son can eat the heck out of ribs - he loves to eat Ribs. And then smack an apron on me and call me Betty Crocker - I made cupcakes. So our house had the delicious combined scents of chocolate and BBQ - only in the south.

My mother and I are not getting along - shocker. We are so different - yet alike-I am not the only anal, obsessive one in my family. I so long for my own space, privacy - surely one day!

My toenails are painted. (Just in case you were worried)

No, no - we don't need June child support. Or July's for that matter. ( Had to throw in this bit of sarcasm - just in case a certain someone reads this and catches a clue-I don't think he does, but hey it's worth a shot)

My car is still sick - thankfully I am driving my nephews car. I need to get it fixed soon. The radio works.

I have agreed to a "blind" date-not even a date - a get together with mutual friends - I am totally nervous - wishing the date could be with the one who holds my heart. (Yes, I know, God's timing, God's plan...not mine...just wishing the hurt would go away- and yes I know it will lessen, or I hope it will) I am sure I will obsess about this until it happens and then afterwards.

My kids want to register for fall soccer.

School starts in about two weeks. Back to homework, packing lunches and getting my son up and awake and mildly alert enough to get ready. My daughter will spend way too much time on her hair.

I don't want to work a 2nd job - no, I am not lazy. Just tired and terribly busy. I go through this every now and then - but so much is happening.

I only received one phone call today - that is rare - and now I am wondering what's up? Where is everyone?

Am I completely old fashioned?

The Sunday School Class I am teaching - 1st and 2nd graders - all of them love dry Captain Crunch (in my case the generic brand) for a snack. Why? But guess what I have for them - yep their favorite. They are so cute.

No, I have not recovered all the plants from the plant thief. (search my blog)

I need a haircut and want highlights. I haven't had my hair professionally highlighted in like forever. Not that I don't appreciate my friends who do it for me - because I am sure I will asking someone - the gray hair is creeping in. UGH!

Our little kitten walks sideways all the time.

My daughter is the only female in America who suffers cramps and shaves her legs.

My son wants the Transformers PlayStation 2 game - he plans to save his money.

I am lonely. It will get better - right?

I can hear all the country sounds - I am right by our living room window - there is something oddly comforting about these sounds.

There you go - now you know why I don't sleep - my mind is never at rest. Now, I am going to find me a cup of tea and my book that has a happily ever after ending (yep, it's fiction and yep, I'm back to being cynical).

Goodnight all.

The color is tangerine...

That is the color of my new nail polish - I can't wait to paint my toes. It is pretty.

(I'm so sure you don't even care - but I love to paint my toe nails)

Friday night shopping...

I went to do our household shopping tonight after work. It was me and about 5000 other people. Or at least their cars - took me forever to find a parking place...the number of cars did not seem to match the number of people in the store.

But after all said and done...I am about $120 poorer...but we do have groceries and toilet paper. And we will have clean clothes for a few weeks. Hopefully all these groceries will last us for a month or so. They will have to - and if we run out...I will tell my kids....go get a magazine...just look at pictures of food. :) Geesh, milk and orange juice are out of this world!

My daughter must be sick...

She is at youth camp..they had one night at the mall..she didn't buy anything.

I am sure there is a cure....

My son' s thoughts on brushing his teeth...

"You always tell me to brush my teeth, this is getting really old."

"Why do I have to use toothpaste?"

"gag, gag, gag, this is awlful"

"What's the use...not like I'm gonna be kissing anyone in this lifetime."

"Who invented this?"

"You hate me don't you?"

My peace in the park interrupted....

Before going home I stopped by the park - to sit on my favorite bench - and just think.
(I do this a lot - it feels good!) And I am personally offended when it is interrupted - don't they know, this is my park, my tree, my bench and my birds?

There I was, sitting, enjoying watching the birds fight over some french fries - when to my left I see the strangest thing...

A woman in black undergarments (yes undergarments), black socks, black tennis shoes, black umbrella, red sunglasses, dancing and talking to herself. And trust me - she did not need to be seen partially dressed - eeeeeeewwwwwwwwww. How funny. She just danced on by me - laughing with each step. I was too stunned.

It was just strange - she came out of no where.

I am thinking God allowed me to see this - to provide laughter and for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. And it worked.

And my dear friends, I owe you an apology - I have been down lately-and it shows in all I do - I am so sorry. I can't be the best person to be around right now. I am working on getting stronger - it will get better-I will get better. Thanks for being there for me! I love you all!

Should I? Could I?

I have two sets of friends who want to set me up on a "blind date."

I've never been on a blind date before - heck I haven't dated at all since I have been divorced.

I am terrified-talk about being neurotic.

Should I? Could I?

Would you?

Car Commercials..

Have to be some of the most ignorant commercials on radio.

Good grief, do they have to yell?

Matters of the Heart...part 2

It still hurts beyond words. And as I tend to do, I obsess and worry. Over analyze.

I wonder why God has me at this point in my life, with these feelings I have. I read on a church sign (don't you love those - that's another blog - but they can be fun and interesting) "Trials are God's School of Faith." I am unsure of what I am going through can be called a trial - but it is emotionally, spiritually and mentally exhausting.

I look at myself in the mirror - trying to see what others may see or hear what they may hear. What is wrong with me? I know I am not perfect - but I am somewhat likable. I am for the most part funny, intelligent and informed.

I know God has a plan - and I am here at this point, this stage for a reason. That's my head talking...my heart has to catch up.

I will make a good wife one day....

Being single for nine years and living with my mother will make me a good wife. (My mother and I, as you have read before, have a strange-strained relationship, I feel at times like I am the working spouse coming home from work sometimes!)

Why?

1) I will understand when my future husband is too tired for yard work.
2) I will not ask for the shed to be cleaned out as soon as he walks in the door.
3) I will let him take naps if he is tired.
4) I pray I am not a nag - I used to be - but I have so learned what it is like to be on the other side.
5) I will appreciate my marriage and my husband (if I ever have them)
6) I want my husband to take care of the bills, etc. I am tired.
7) I will understand hobbies and stuff like that, just spend time with me, date me, love me!
8) I have realized, I really don't watch that much TV, so it doesn't matter to me what he will watch.
9) I will give him time to "chill" when he comes in from work.
10) All of the above is contingent of course if he treats me with love and respect. And all the stuff in between - no marriage is perfect of course.
11) And all of the above is contingent of course if I am not single for the rest of my life - which is looking to be the case.

My daughter...

My daughter loves me, I know this, but she is soooooooooooooooooooo almost 15. How are going to survive these upcoming teen years?

My son...

My son told me last night he likes spending his days with me....well...hope he always feels that way.

(he still hates brushing his teeth though)

A pet peeve of mine...

If you are going to have a family reunion, please do not have one in the aisle of a store, the check out stand, or at the stamp machine. Some of us are ready to get out!

What I am still not doing.

Sleeping.

I give up.

I think I slept maybe 2 1/2 hours last night. I gave up on the tossing and turning - got up at 4:30. Washed a load of clothes and dishes. Finished a book.

I was at work at 7:45 - which never happens! Trust me. Ugh!

THESE PENNIES....

My daughter told me about a conversation she had with her dad...or she was just listening as he was talking....

He took a handful of pennies. Told her these pennies represent his paycheck.

And here is the conversation as paraphrased by my daughter...

"4 of these pennies go to your mother" (That's me....that's child support-his 1st two children from our marriage of 11 years)

"2 of these pennies go to 'A' - mother of child #2" (He is not with her)

"Now look at what is left....I have one baby at home and one on the way...bills...a wife. What kind of life am I expected to have with just this little bit of money?"

My daughter told me she just left the room.

I am not believing I was married to this person...yuck.

They're coming home!

Well, my kids are coming home today. I talked to both of them last night. They are more than ready to be home - and I am ready for them to be home. I have missed them. (remind me of this when they are driving me nuts) This will be the last time I "force" them to go - if they don't want to go I am not making them. Though I needed the break desperately - I could tell everyone was miserable. I am sure I will hear about it from all parties soon enough.

My daughter leaves for church camp on Sunday - so she'll be gone a week. My son will go to VBS. School starts the first week in August - Fall Soccer is fast approaching. Back to the grind.

What I did not do last night, or the night before, or the night before, or the night before.

SLEEP! The most elusive thing in my life right now. I do this all the time, I will go for several days or a few weeks without sleeping for more than 2-3 hours a night - then I will crash. I am thinking I will crash soon.

WE MATTER....

I have been very depressed and very sad for the past day or so...

Felt like I didn't matter.

God showed me this...

Psalm 139:17 (TLB)

How Precious it is Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly! I can't even count how many times a day your thoughts turn toward me.

What have I learned? I matter. What should you learn? You matter. God loves us that much. We matter. We are wonderfully made.

Now I know...

I am in the middle of house-sitting duties for my sister. Now I know why so many Single Adults (older and younger) have cats.

They are a low maintenance relationship - sure you have to feed them, clean the litter box, etc.... and you love them. But they love you on their terms - but you know this from the get go - so no surprise in the relationship.

It has been a good day.

It has been a long year in the life of my church - but we now have a Pastor.

I am excited. I know everyone else is too.

Yeah!

A Sweet Poem....

As you might or might not know...Ruth Bell Graham, wife of Billy Graham recently passed away. I received in the mail today a book of her poetry, titled, Sitting By My Laughing Fire.

I haven't read it all the way through, but last night I just picked it up and it opened to this poem - and oh how I needed to see it. And to read it out loud - speaks to you even more. (I have no idea when she wrote this poem - she mentioned that sometimes she wrote poems for other people -but it really touched me! So much so, I called D.C. to read it to her.)

It reads:

Dear God, I prayed , all unafraid
(as we're inclined to do)
I do not need a handsome man
But let him be like You;
I do not need one big and strong
nor yet so very tall,
nor need he be some genius,
or wealthy, Lord, at all;
but let his head be high, dear God,
and let his eye be clear,
his shoulders straight, whate'er his state,
whate'er his earthly sphere;
and let his face have character,
a ruggedness of soul,
and let his whole life show, dear God,
a singleness of soul,
then when he comes
(as he will come)
with quiet eyes aglow,
I'll understand that he's the man
I prayed for long ago.
By: Ruth Bell Graham

Shopping Observations...

I am a pretty observant person. I tend to notice the small sometimes odd things. I guess because I am "odd."

This week at the Wal-Mart Pharmacy counter I looked behind the clerk, and this is what I noticed: All the cold medicines they have to keep locked up, stuff to flavor kids medicine, blood pressure kits, and VIBRATING CONDOMS. I busted out laughing, and soon the clerk, the pharmacist and the people behind me laughing. They have to keep them behind the counter, the clerk told me because people steal them. Well, heck fire, I guess so! Who would have the nerve to actually buy such a thing? I wonder if anyone buys them now? Can you just see it? Some guy going up to the 60 year old clerk - saying. "Excuse mam, I need to buy the Vibrating Condom in the purple (yes there are different color boxes) box."

Last week I told you I went to Jackson to drop off my kids and we stopped at a Pilot Travel Center...

You could go broke in this store, this is what you can buy:
Lug nuts - found by the hostess cakes.
Sunglasses - found by the truck waxing kit.
CD's by the fake smelling fake roses (guys we do not want these!)
Sleepshirts by the 12-pack cokes.
Money orders by Sub-Way
Pregnancy test, condoms, makeup, Mylanta underneath notebook paper, envelopes and ink pens.
And the list continues.

And at souvenir shops in Jackson you can buy:
Printed toilet tissue with different stuff on it - who would have thought people would buy it? I almost did because I thought it was hysterical, but I did not want to waste the $3.95 for one roll!
Homemade Fudge
Elvis Postcards (I guess everywhere in TN there is an Elvis stand)
Wind chimes,
Lotion
Plain Toothbrushes for $5.00 - your teeth flat well better be clean after using it.
Well, you get the picture.

I understand the purpose of one stop shopping, it is just the way they group these things that makes it funny.

Here I am house sitting for my sister - minus the kids. I have been calling it my vacation - I am the only one here. She has a nice house with a pool. I have been looking forward to this time for some time now. I picture myself laying out by the pool tomorrow afternoon and a few days this week.

Even though she has left high maintenance instructions for high maintenance pets. I have a sheet of TYPED instructions with about 7 paragraphs. Geesh. Her son has a lizard - I have to feed it worms! Now I know most of you are laughing at this point - knowing my aversion to anything smaller than my foot,(with the belief, if it is smaller than your foot, it should die - the smallest critters, cause the biggest problems) especially things with no legs and things that slither. EEWWWWWWWWWWW. I am sure I will have nightmares. And that is just the worms...I won't even discuss the lizard.

It is nice to have this space, but makes me long for my own. That is the hard part. I plan to keep busy this week - these last few days of being kidless. Though they may come home earlier than expected because of their dad's work schedule. I hear my daughter is being slightly bratty-an understatement I am sure-considering she did not want to go at all. And I have a strong feeling, she and I are going to have a "come to Jesus" meeting upon her return. Ah, to be almost 15 and know it all. I can't be too tough, she leaves for church camp this week.

Well, back to my retreat here in my sister's house, I did get taste of what it will be like to live on my own if I never marry. Are all single people destined to buy 1/2 gallon and quarts of milk, frozen dinners, small loaves of bread? I am used to buying about 3 Gallons of milk a week, and about 4 loaves of bread a week. Selfishly, I did buy some extra stuff, just for me. But it seemed kind of sad to shop for one.

I will enjoy this time and be lonely in spurts I am sure. But this time is a gift and I will enjoy.

A SICK CAR

Yep, it's July, 9,000 degrees. My car overheats this morning.

It is the loneliest feeling in the world being on the side of the road...I hate that feeling. Thank goodness for cell phones.

My car is sick. Still thinking about how to handle it all.

So, if you see me on the side of the road, please stop.

Even though I was able to add coolant - I still felt helpless and I hate that feeling.

And I send my thanks out to the nicest man who stopped to help and followed me to the street

where my office is.

(Yes, I called my boss gave him the description of the guy's truck..just in case he was on a poster in the post office somewhere)

We're going to Jackson....

I met my kids grandparents in Jackson yesterday. They are headed to their dads in Knoxville to spend two weeks with them.

Observations and thoughts from yesterday.

My friend D.C. and her daughter went with us, well, we took her car. It was fun, we talked and laughed. I will get to some funny stories about the day later in the post. But before I forget, thanks D.C. I love you much! You continue to be a blessing in my life.

My daughter did not want to go - she made herself sick from crying and begging not to go.
She is in love. She would miss "him". Plus she is a teenage girl - who does not want to be away from her friends and she has issues with her dad. Hopefully they will hash it out.

My son survived the trip with 4, yep count 'em, 4 women. God love him. When he grows up, he is either going to hate women or be a ladies man.

If you are ever in Jackson, TN - you really should visit Casey Jones Village and Old Country Store. The people are absolutely charming. It really is a sweet time - you won't need a whole day -unless you really like trains and stuff. But it really is fun. We got there early, toured the museum, the shops, ate, when to the ice cream parlor - it was a nice time.

Two intelligent women were not able to figure out that a mini hand-held fan - came apart - they had to cut a child's hair to get said fan out of said child's hair. (Doesn't everyone put stuff like that in their hair?) Only afterwards did one of the highly intelligent women figure out, that all we had to do was pull it apart. We will blame it on stress. Yeah, that's what we will do.

Pilot Travel Centers will sell you Hostess King Dons, and cakes, on the same rack as lug nuts. That is absolutely fascinating to me. They also have cd's, movies, Mylanta, and Subway. I will more to write on another blog about this - I couldn't believe it.

How do husband and wife truck driving teams keep from killing each other? I don't know how they do it. And while I am on the subject, these women driving trucks, I so admire the confidence they have. They have this strength and confidence that makes me look like a wuss.

Why does a Giant Hershey Bar cost more in Cracker Barrel than it does in Walmart? Almost Double? And why does it taste better?

I have so much more to write....conversations and people watching... But until another day.

Saying goodbye to a friendship......

It happens, we don't want to say it, but we do.

My heart hurts right now.

Being a single mom is hard. Their dad does not live close by at all. So I am it. I do all the dropping off, the picking up, etc, etc. Doctor's appointments, shopping, chaperon one thing or the other, school projects, ball games, ball practice, etc. Plus I have my mother and my job. There very rarely is free time. My time frees up around 11:00 each night - and hopefully I will be sleeping around 1:00 a.m. (here lately, I am not sleeping)

I have lost a friend. A guy friend. He is single, never been married and no children. He is a good guy. He likes to do things, go out, etc. He is very fun to go out with, he will always make you laugh.

However, he does not understand all the "mom" stuff. I am not available to do a whole lot, because of all the "mom" stuff. He has lost patience and I have lost a friend. My kids come first. Their needs come first- right after God - they are first. (and I am sure I mess up more times than not, I put them even before God) And trust me, the older they get, they need more than they did when they were babies. I hate that he does not understand

I know I am not the best or the easiest person to be friends with - but I am a good friend. I love my friends.

I am hurt more than I can say. My heart is shattered. I am crying. Heck - I am not in the mood to cry.

I have this calendar on my desk - it gives you a scripture and thought for each day. It is about friendship. And it has on one of the pages, ".....God gives you friends for certain times and points in your life, they may be there to stay, or they will move on....."

The moving on is the hard part.

I don't know, maybe this answers one of my questions in regard to friendships between men and women...

Maybe single moms and single guys - no kids - cannot be friends. The differences are too great.

This time next week...

I will be kidless for two weeks - two weeks - I will enjoy it for about 3 days then go nuts the rest of the time. (They're going to visit with their dad-same state - just the other end)

A Quote From My Son...And It Will Make You Melt....

"Famous women on television, they may be moms, but I am glad you are my mom. They don't work as much as you do. I bet they don't remember chocolate ice cream and play games. They're not all that."

I don't know about all that, but I'll take it.

Why it is good to know you are capable of love..


Because it means you are not too terribly hard hearted. And if you are capable of being in love with someone, someday, another someone will be in love with you.

(Now if all this loving would line up at the same time..that would be ever so grand)

A Funny Story From A Year Ago...

My sister has an English Springer Spaniel...Lady is her name. She is on up in years - but she has always been real sweet and loving.

Last year, she was outside, my sister looked over in the yard and saw Lady rolling in the grass, like a puppy. It was a regular Kodak moment....awwww..

Lady just rolled and rolled - enjoying the sun and the grass.

She got up, walked over to my sister, and my sister noticed that not only was Lady rolling in the sun and enjoying the grass, she had rolled all in her own "Poo"... (see a few posts down to understand my aversion to poo).

My sister is a lot like me.

Lady is an inside dog.

She couldn't go in with all that on her...

So my sister gave Lady a bath in her yard using Suave Shampoo and a toilet bowl brush (you can stay a healthy distance away with a toilet bowl brush) - Lady being the good dog she is, just stood there, not caring about her dignity, just being washed with a water hose and toilet bowl brush.

How funny.

Doesn't he know what causes that????


My ex husband told me this week - he and his 3rd wife are expecting a baby - this will be their 2nd - his 5th. This was an "unplanned" pregnancy.

5 children - 3 different women. We were married for 11 years. My daughter is not in the least bit excited, my son, well, he doesn't care either way.

I don't understand it, I really don't. I could say so much, but in my quest to let go of bitterness and anger, I will not. We were divorced - partly because "responsibility" was weighing him down - well heck fire, right now he must feel like he has concrete shoes, and is at the bottom of the ocean.

Good grief. Maybe as he is getting older - he gets better at the parenting thing.

Don't step in the pet poo!

Two days in a row now, I have stepped in Pet Poo. UGHHHHHHHH. Gross gross.

First time - yesterday - picking up my son at the baby sitter's house -she has a puppy of sorts - he is not completely house broken. UGGH

Second time - today - we have a stray kitten - who went potty right by car door- did not notice - until I was down the road - then it was on my brake pedal, gas, etc. UGGHHHHHHHH

I am slightly germ-a-phobic. I shudder at all the germs around us - it doesn't consume me - but I do try to avoid them if at all possible. Imagining all the germs in my car and on my shoe, I can' t think, so I make a stop at the dollar store. I buy bleach wipes, hand sanitizer, Lysol and paper towels. I am sure I looked like an idiot in the parking lot cleaning everything up. I run back into the store - wash my hands in their restroom with very hot water, followed by my hand sanitizer. The whole time, I want to run back home and take a bath.

I get to work, I wash my hands again.

I still want a bath.

What did I learn? Poo me once, poo we twice, but poo me thrice? I don't think so.
(well, I hope not)

Remembering my dad...

Before I start, Happy Father's Day to all of you guys out there. Even if you are not a dad - you mean something to someone - and that my dear friends is a valuable gift.

He wasn't perfect, but he didn't act like it.

My dad was one of the funniest men you would ever talk too. He had a wicked sense of humor, loved a good joke, especially if he were the one telling it - however he got a kick out of being "pranked."

My dad was a protector. He protected his girls and grandchildren - you just didn't mess with anyone he loved.

He used to totally embarrass me, a boy would knock on the door, "Is Becky Home?" the boy would ask. "Yep" my dad would answer. "May I see her?" the boy would ask. "Nope" my dad would say, followed by the slam of the door. What was wrong the different boys? Long hair (a major no no in my dad's eyes), a pierced ear, a car that looked all wrong, it didn't take much for my dad to rule out a guy. He would literally clean his hunting rifles on the front porch all the time. It was horrible! Now that I am the mother of a teenage girl - I appreciate his tactics.

He would take me to the movies every Friday night. Sitting through War Games, Footloose, Breakfast Club, etc. He would give me advice all the time, "Your date will never let you walk to the snack bar alone." Or "Your date will always walk you to the door."

He never graduated high school, but was one of the smartest men you would meet. He read all the time, he is the one who gave me my love of reading. I have the copy of Charlotte's Web he bought me at the mall bookstore. He would take me to the Library every Saturday - where I would check out books for both of us. I bet I was the only 13 year old reading Louis Lamour books.

He would wake me up every morning, and would have me a cup of tea and two pieces of toast, lightly toasted and buttered ready. We would read the newspaper together.

He would pick me up from whatever school function, eyeing every boy there, making sure that no one bothered me - but then he would actually care about my day and what happened.

He hated that his daughters had a monthly cycle - he couldn't stand the thought.

He liked long hair, hated short on women. Especially me, my hair has always been short.

He liked to garden.

He was a 49'er fan - he used to say Joe Montanna was talking to him on the phone at every game. He would love the hail mary passes from Montanna to Rice, he was living it right along with them.

He was a fisherman and a hunter.

He was in Isaiah devotionally when he could no longer read - Alzheimer's and Parkinson's took their toll.

I miss my dad.

But I know he is in a better place....

Happy Father's Day Daddy.

Buy one get one free....

Yeah, buddy, I like those words.

Especially when they are seen at Wal-Greens....

taped to the freezer door underneath my favorite ice cream. Marmie, talk about addictions....

I may be in my hotel room, eating bologna that does not have a last name...but I am in Florida having a grand ole time..


The above was said by my sister's best friend. It has to be one of the funniest things I have heard.

When you can't sleep...

You either read all night or you blog as you download music and read useless information that will get you nowhere in life, except maybe to the final round on some type of game show.

And to top it off....I am so in the mood to watch Bull Durham.
(I think I need therapy..but Kevin Costner...at midnight?..could be worse!)

A dangerous mood....

That is what I am in. I read this in a book "be careful my friend, she is in a dangerous mood..."
Hmmmm..

I guess that is what kind of mood I am in.

I was "somewhat" told today by a friend,(and I am leaving out a whole lot of conversation...because it would probably bore you) who shall remain nameless, "......that Becky you are intelligent, and it is possible you intimidate men...that is why they don't ask you out...blah, blah, blah."

Next my friend tried to soften it up.. "They may be afraid of rejection...blah, blah"

Okay, I am much too old to playing games, this is not study hall and we are not passing notes back and forth. But I am also too old fashioned to ask a guy out, I am not programmed that way.

So let's just quit the dancing....and the note passing.

I am in a mood....

Nothing like the relationship between mother and daughter....

I live with both my mother and daughter. (You have to feel for my son, he lives with three women - 77, 37, and 14-he doesn't stand a chance and he will be ruined for his future wife....ahem D.C.....) It is an arrangement that will either kill you or bless you depending on what day of the week it is. And today falls under the former.

My mother and I have always had a strange relationship......we hate to love each other, if that even makes sense. (Yes, I know, it doesn't make sense. I need hours of therapy to even try to explain it or even understand it myself-and I've cried many a tear, but I am through crying-but that's another story in itself.)

Right now my daughter and I are butting heads at every turn. I am a wreck.

Today we went to the mall with the intent of buying her a pair of shorts (decent length and fit was my goal) and a shirt. We knew what stores to go into. Simple? In and out? Easy? Right?

Well, heck no. Obviously, you have not been shopping with a 14 year old girl lately.

We find the shorts and shirt - on sale I might add - she tries them on, I tell her, I have to see them on her before I buy them (I get an eye roll on this), she takes forever to open dressing room door - I take one look and pronounce them too tight. Way too tight - no room - we would never be able to wash them. I suggest another size, she starts arguing with me, I hold firm, I did not lose my temper, I told her they were too tight, she then SLAMS the dressing room door in my face. Hold me back..I am picturing justifiable jerking of the blond ponytail....then I would be on the 10:00 news, because of cameras, but mothers of teenage daughters would come to my defense, because they know how it is.


(Side note: I am pretty flexible on clothes-and not prudish - just because I wouldn't wear it-doesn't mean I will keep her from wearing it - she is 14 - I am 37-you pick your battles, but trust me when I say too tight - they did not flatter her at all)


But no, I remain calm, I tell her I am leaving the store, so I leave the store. She is soon to follow, oh, and I can see it on her face, she thinks I will give in, but nope I don't. I will not be treated that way. (This is going to be my new way of combating the shopping arguments - there won't be an argument-I will just leave)

My punishment? I buy myself an outfit instead. And it looks cute if I do say so myself.

Hmmmph.


I love my daughter - but we are clashing at every turn - geesh - I know it will get better. When? Because if the relationship between me and my mother is anything to go by - it just won't happen. I am telling you, I have this image, my daughter on some talk show, saying, "Well, it started with my mother...."

Join me why don't you?

I really do need this right now.

(Marmie are you with me?)

Rough day, rough week. I am drained emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I absolutely feel broken. It hurts.

But it will get better.

I think I have a plan.

It's okay to want to feel like a girl.....

I am in one of those moods this week. The mood where I want to feel like a girl.

Now I know, in my son's eyes, I am a mom and not a girl. (his words)

Is this normal? I have spent money I probably shouldn't have...all on me, nail polish, an outfit, other stuff, make-up, taken several long soaks. I don't know.

Shhh...don't tell my son....but I am a girl.

How convenient.....


I went into a convenience store last night to buy a Dr. Pepper. I was looking around.....
You can buy gas, drinks, candy bars, and slide a box of or packet of condoms in the midst.

I cannot imagine buying such a personal item in a convenience store.....I just thought it was funny. I am trying to picture the situation...a person is thirsty, needs gas for the car, and might have a romantic moment later in the evening. (if you want to call it romantic)

And $2.39 for ONE of them seems awfully expensive.

How funny.

The different degrees of friendship....

I have written about my different friends - guys and gals....

I have two guy friends - I am close to both, the friendships are different. They are different. They don't even know each other.

I have gone to a movie with each of them at different times. We always pay our own way. But here is my thought.

Of the two....one I could share the same coke with - we've known each other that long. The other wouldn't even dream of it and I don't think I could do it. (weird I know)

Of the two...one likes to to see movies like Rent, Chicago, and Dreamgirls and understand why I cry. The other would not understand why I even like those movies but likes the same baseball and sports movies that I do.

Of the two....one insists on scary movies...and doesn't understand completely why I don't like them. The other would not watch one with me in the same room-because he knows how I am - and will tell me "Beck, you won't like it".


This is probably not very interesting to you...but it is going through my mind today.

"But we're okay....."


Now that statement will bless a parent. Allow me to start at the beginning.

My daughter spent the night with a friend on Sunday night.

Here is the conversation on Monday afternoon, when she calls me at work.

Her: Hey mom, you know I am at my friends.

Me: Yes, I do

Her: You know that three wheeler she has.

Me: (my heart is sinking at this point), I answer, yes I do.

Her: But, we're okay, we had an accident. You see we were riding the three wheeler together, we hit a pothole, and we fell off. I don't know how we got the thing off the top of us.

Me: Please tell me you were wearing a helmet.

Her: Um, no, we didn't hurt our heads or anything.

Me: I am glad you are okay.

We hang up -my heart pounding and I am sure my blood pressure is above all safe levels.
...............................................................................................................................
I have about 4 hours to stew on this and think about it until I pick her up.

(Her friend is not supposed to get the 3 wheelers out unless her parents are home and they were not home- they farm so they use them to get around their land and such - they've had them a long time. Friend's mom calls me apologizing, I tell her, she has nothing to apologize for, the girls are almost 15 years old-they know better)

.................................................................................................................................

I arrive at the friends house. Both girls are sore. (and me and the other mom are not sympathetic) Oh, and then I find out they were wearing their bathing suits when riding - they had been laying out. I guess it is perfectly okay to wear no helmet, but my golly we will be tan at the end of the day.

I tear in to both of them - and the friends mother lets me.

Me: Do you realize what could have happened? How badly you could have been hurt? In your bathing suits? (both of them cuts and scrapes on their backsides) Did you not think? Did you lose your mind?

Friend: Sorry

Daughter: Geesh mom, nothing would have happened.

Me: Hot oil could have spilled out on your skin when it was on top of you, you could have hit a tree, fence, ditch, building. You could have broke your neck.

Daughter: I don't know why you are upset mom, whatever! Stop making a big deal.

Me: (by this point I am sure smoke is coming out my ears and foam from the corner of my mouth). Just get in the car. (I am so upset and shaken, I drop her off at home-I don't even get out of the car, and just stay gone for about 2 hours.)

I am so grateful they are okay, but all these images were going through my head of what could have happened - all the what ifs swimming in my head. Teens think they are invincible - is this just a sample of what is to come?

And now every now and then, my daughter will give me snippets of what happened. "I don't know how we got the thing off of us. Or, it was by the TREE at the end of the drive. I was dazed" I just tell her she doesn't need to say anymore.

I don't mind my kids trying anything new, as long as they do with the proper safety precautions, and following rules - that is how they grow, how they learn. I love them so much-and they are not parents - so they don't realize the feelings I have.

I just know - you have to be wary of the statement "But we are okay....."





-

My Dad

Tomorrow, Wednesday, June 6 at 7:42 a.m., my dad will have been gone for 5 years.

I miss him terribly. I loved him much. He loved me. Loved all of us.

I was so blessed to call him daddy.

I love you dad.

Recipe for Pity Party Therapy

One hot bath
New bottle of nail polish
Cup of tea
Box of Kleenex

Use all of the above and hopefully tomorrow the party will be over.

I am pretty sure this was the snake we found the other day...

In our house....

In our kitchen.

Well, maybe not, maybe it was the size of a worm, but in my mind, a snake is a snake is a snake. And I don't care how much Animal Planet I watch...I don't like snakes. EEEWWW.

We went to the grocery store, we came back with our groceries, and a beautiful watermelon. Yum yum, we couldn't wait to cut it. My daughter carried it in. She was the first to walk in the door, she screamed, I ran in, saw the watermelon on the ground, and saw her pulling out bowls and such. (The bowls she was going to use to catch the snake)She said "snake or lizard thing in the house" Well, my son is excited, I am panicking....all I heard was snake..eeewww.

The snake is in hiding. We try, unsuccessfully, to forget about it.

I am cooking dinner.

He reappears!

I call my daughter. And Jeff Corwin would be proud. One rubbermaid bowl, two lids, a broom, we manage to get the snake, unharmed out the door.

Of course, I needed therapy. And I think I deserve an award for my bravery.

We did not get to eat watermelon, I had to clean up watermelon - it was everywhere! I had just cleaned carpets - it was on the carpet. But hey we caught the snake, I survived to tell the story.

Thank you..Thank you very much.

STOP! PLANT THIEF!

I am keeping an eye on the kids' great grandmother's house while she is in Florida, and while her son and daughter figure out how to handle all the details. Grand has or should I say had...a bunch of plants on her front porch.

Yes, my friends, someone stole plants from a soon-to-be 94 year old.

And I know who. And how do I know. Because they are sitting on a neighbor's front porch. At first when I confronted her, she said, "oh, yes, I took them, but I was watching them for her...blah, blah..." In my best southern accent, I thanked her, but asked that she please return them. She said she would, after her company left.

Only two of the plants made it back. I called her again, and spoke AGAIN in my best southern accent, with a twist of Julia Sugarbaker (Designing Women), and thanked her for returning the plants, and I am sure the others are just terribly heavy, and I would be happy to come inside and get the others. Her reply? "What plants? I returned all the plants."

Well, the gauntlet has been thrown.

I called Grand's son to let him know what was going on-being small town and all - everyone knowing everyone (son lives out of town), he called the police - they came. Talked to her - she was wearing a see-through night shirt. AND NOTHING ELSE. I am sure like the rest of the female population she has heard of support and CROSS YOUR HEART..but she did not follow that piece of fashion advice. EEEWWWW. She told the police officer, "these plants have been in my family for years....."

UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nothing the officers can do - it really is a case of he said...she said... or she said..she said...whatever. The suggestion they made? Just wait until she is not home, and go over and get the plants. They believed me... as we were able to describe the plants, pots, spots they were in, etc.. (I do believe this a case for Nancy Grace!)

So, I have gone over there at different times...and she is always home. Early AM, mid-day on Saturday, Late PM. And when I am there, she is in her yard, doing something stupid! First day, she is in her yard in a black and white polka dot house dress, purple flip flops, with a mop! (Okay I admit, I yelled over, don't you need a broom for your occupation?-I couldn't resist!)

She stayed out in her yard, marching in front of the plants on her porch, swinging her mop.

Second day I go over, she is on her front porch, in a recliner (hey this is the deep south), giving someone a perm. At some point she stops, goes to her back yard, brings around all her patio furniture, and what does she put on the table? Yep! The plants. (I really do think she is just plain evil or nuts). At this point I am livid, I want these plants back. Not because I care about them, but I want them back, just based on principal. Hmmph. I give up..go home-but I will return. (I should comment on her wardrobe..she has on these pants..and I am going to quote Suzanne Sugarbaker - Designing Women again, that makes her "butt look like you could serve tea on it!)

A few days later...I drive by, and she is in the middle of her driveway, sorting shoes wearing something purple and green! ARRGHHHHH.

The next night I am checking on the house, and she is not home! I smell and taste victory. At last they will be in my hands....oh, no. Not a single plant, dandelion in sight! She obviously has taken them all inside.

I have a vivid imagination...

I have this image of finally getting the plants in hand, an alarm going off, being shot, but my last words will be, "But I got the missing Easter Lilly Grand, I did this for you." I am sure you will be reading about me in the papers. Be kind when you remember me.

LETTING GO....

Letting go is a hard thing to do.

Especially when it involves matters of the heart. Love is hard to let go. If we were to let go, we may be surprised as to what is around the corner for us.

And yes, I am speaking to the choir and the speaker....ahem....writer.