Underwear at the doctor's office....how fast do you get dressed?!

I think the title is catchy....and I have my friend Carla to thank for it. Carla I dedicate this post to you.

Okay ladies I've written about it before. It is part of being a woman. The yearly check up and mammogram! There is no dignity in it at all.

Observations----
The sample....we have to pee in a cup. Soooo you go into the little bathroom that is probably painted with what is supposed to be warm colors with a "How to" poster on examining your boobies. Usually there are cups stacked on the counter with a little sign that says "please write your name on the cup with the pen." Now germaphobic me will not normally use their pen because how do you know who has washed their hands? Normally you do it before..,but there is always someone who may not. I take my own sharpie. Now, normally there is a basket of those wipe things you are supposed to use. I use about five I wipe the whole bathroom down then use them as I am supposed to. But what if there are no wipes? I would so obsess! What if this affects the results of the pap smear? Then you have to put your sample in the silver door that you have to touch....another wipe please! You put your sample in there and someone else's sample is in there! What the heck? I kid you not! I do not want contamination of the samples.... So, I make a divider with a paper towel so the cups do not touch. And cover mine up. Surely the lab appreciates my efforts.

Now you go for blood work and blood pressure check plus the dreaded scale. If you weighed before the sample it's not right! That's fluid that may add ounces! Then your blood pressure is high because you are upset about weight and stressing about the rest of the visit!

All that's done. You go into the room. The nurse - and she is one of two ages either old enough to be your mother or young enough you could have given birth too her. Really where are the ones in between?

You are told to undress and put on the attractive - leave it open in the front please gown. Now many offices are using cloth gowns-ugh! I rather have the pink paper gowns that rip. Ha ha. Now this is crucial - it is important that there is a curtain to dress behind. But that seems to be going away-you have to undress real fast then you have to decide how you are going to stack your clothes. But for some reason we cannot let the doctor see our underwear! So you fold your clothes in a way that is neat but underwear hidden. By golly I may be standing there in a gown with no clothes about to endure a personal exam but the doctor cannot see my underwear!

You get on the table and wait. Then the doctor comes in. He/she goes over stuff with you and you are trying to focus on questions and answers while holding your stomach in, boobs up and out and the gown closed. Talk about multi-tasking.

The exam starts you are told just to relax....what the heck ever! You just want to kick him..,but not while he is using what I call the hotdog tongs.

He finishes and steps out. Leaving you to get dressed.... Hence the title. How fast does it take for you to get dressed? I've decided it is the fastest I do all year!