Wisdom of Sam

Sam knew I was sad after leaving Tori. He patted my shoulder while driving and was holding my hand and said "look at it this way mom you still have Mema and I'll be driving in two years you have new worries."

Ha ha!

He will miss his sister. He hugged her twice. And he put her bed together and put the mirror on her dresser. He is becoming quite handy!

Mom with Tori moving...

Mom went with us when we moved Tori. She sat so quietly the whole time. Afterwards we went to Walmart. In the middle of the canned goods she said "we need to bring Tori home. She won't like having to clean her own house! Good Lord she's messy in one room!"

Ha ha

Mothers and sleep

Mothers I've decided are not meant to sleep. I can't even say they sleep when older...because mom really doesn't. She woke up and was worried about the baby being warm enough.

I need.....

Tonight I need prayer. I have much on my mind.

Plus I am hurting terribly in my hips and back.

Hearer or Doer?

Ok! I am so telling on myself.

I was feeling so spiritual. I was mowing the yard and listening to Focus on the Family.

Quite proud of myself! After all I was being productive and learning about Jesus. I was learning how to be forgiving and kind.

Mom was at the locked glass door. Waving me in...I didn't want to stop. I knew she was ok. Sam was inside. But she kept on.

So I park the mower come in and bark out "WHAT?"

She looked sad and said "I just wanted to give you water."

Oh man! Shame on me.

Forgive me Lord for not being a doer.

You'll eat anything....

I made pancakes and scrambled eggs this morning.

I asked mom did she want anything else... And if it was good. She said "you'll eat anything if you are hungry."

Ha ha

She is sill sore from her fall...still watching..

Work Attitude

I've not had the best attitude this week. We have been swamped, phones, emails and live chats. It is a lot to handle. People can be rude over the phone...., and I normally can soothe them rather quickly (one of my few strengths) but there are always a few that will make you tense up and somehow that one bad call eclipses the 100's (yes 100's) I receive.

That being said I need and should go into work as if I am going in to work for Jesus. And really that is what I am supposed to be doing.

I'm better with time management. I am not making excuses for screw ups mine or anyone else's. I just take care of it. I am trying to ignore office politics.

I need to be positive.

I need to reflect Jesus even when copying a letter.

Jesus thank you for my job. Thank you for your daily provision. Thank you for The Cross. Please forgive me when I haven't glorified You at work. I love you and thank you for loving me.

A fall....

Mom fell from a stool....she was being silly and before I could reach her she fell inches on her bottom. Now she has a lump on her bottom. She can walk but it bothers her. I'm watching it


Please pray!

Praise The Lord!

Melecia had surgery today to remove a mass in her stomach...she was in pain and sick.

You can imagine the fear and worry. I prayed all day. So did many others.

Well the mass was dead fatty tissue. She has a lengthy recovery time so please continue to pray.

Where is the enthusiasm?

Wednesday was the first day of school. Sam got up ---- hopped into the shower and was ready 30 min before time to leave. Saying "I'm going to get up everyday early!"

Two days later.... I had to "prompt" ok speak loudly to get up about 4 times. He barely finished eating and getting ready before bus arrived and he was tucking shirt in as he walked out.

Where's the enthusiasm?

Quiet....

I truly enjoyed quiet time tonight. I so needed it. I had well over an hour!

Melecia......

Please pray for Melecia. She is having major surgery tomorrow. And expected to be in hospital ten days.

We just love her...she is family!

Melecia update....

Continue to pray for Melecia. She is in hospital...I won't give details without her permission.

Mom asked about her. I told her we would try to go see her this weekend. We just love her!

Pray pray! God is our Great Physician!

We have a temp starting this week. I'm sure she will be good. Pray for her and mom to adjust to each other.

This Saturday....,

This Saturday Steve and I will move Tori.

We met roommates tonight talked to them and they seem like good kids.

I felt the need to give them Hamburger Helper and frozen dinner.

Steve told them "don't go hungry call us-we'll get you groceries."

Awwww

1st Day of Last Year in Middle School

Wow Sam you are in 8th grade! I'm so proud of you. Especially proud how you grew closer to God this summer.

You are taller than me. Your hand is bigger than mine. You can pick me up! You have a sharp tongue and a wicked sense of humor. Sometimes not a good combo! (a trait you have inherited from me)

You are not selfish. You are protective of your mom! I love your hugs.

I know God has great things planned for you. I'm always here cheering you on. Love you

To Johnna..

I prayed for you! Your first day of high school. I am blessed to know you. You are an awesome young woman of God with a bright future.

Cling to all you've been taught. Stay in His word. Next to Jesus your mom is your best friend and cheerleader! Always know that. I am here for you!

I am proud of you.

"Let me be a mom...."

Today Tori took some "stuff" to her soon to be home.

She took movies, books, etc. You know the important stuff. Ha ha.

I had saved dishes, a toaster, and other household stuff for her..

She said "mom I can get these later." I said "Tori let me be a mom."

She relented ... I'm glad because I had blankets and pillows for her too. All too soon we will be moving a dresser and bed. When did she grow up?

Her soon to be new roommate said Tori is a good housekeeper! That I have to see to believe!

Pray for Melecia

Melecia is sick. She was hurting terribly in her stomach. As I write this she's in the emergency room.

Stewardship

I am going to admit right now I am horrible at money management. I need to do better shopping for groceries and keep tabs on what I spend. You would think that since I really don't make that much it wouldn't be so hard...but I honestly just forget and I mix things up all the time.

I am challenging myself to get better. I feel like a failure and wonder how God can love me. I do need a financial miracle I seem to be running in the hole.... Have been for some time now.

I know this is personal..but I need you to pray for me in regard to this area. I need help!

I am thankful God forgives and that He loves me.

Caregiving Is Not A Burden.......

I have been thinking about this off and on through the night and morning.

Caregiving is not a burden. Is it exhausting? Is it frustrating? Is it emotionally depleting? Yes!!!!!! Am I perfect at it? No!!!! Do I make mistakes and lose my patience at times! Yes I do! I have much to learn and much to improve on. I've been told I don't have to be a martyr and that I don't a life.

What is caregiving? It is a ministry. A service. I read (a may have posted this already...I can't remember) in a book on caregiving that when you care for someone you should care for that person as if he or she are Jesus. We are made in His image.

Again, I do get tired and discouraged. I do make mistakes. But I know I am doing right...there may be a time in the future that I will need to make changes..and I will know God will let me know at the right time.

My very own I Love Lucy episode....

Sunday was a roller coaster ride....

We didn't go to church. It was not good to push.

I decided to do some projects here at home. On the list give mom a perm, trim and bathe the dogs and rearrange some pictures - I was feeling cramped by clutter.

Mom started getting antsy during perm. After we finished - her hair looked nice. But she wasn't so nice. I started taking care of dogs..trimming them up on a large sheet....too hot to do it outside. Well while I was distracted mom tried getting outside...I thought I had locked the door...well I didn't! She gets out I run after her leaving the dog clippers on they were vibrating on the floor Barney the puppy was barking and chasing the clippers getting dog hair everywhere. Kylee chased after mom, I am too, I step in the dog water on the patio. Whew! Steve was able to get her in with a firm voice.

I was able to finish dogs, get everything cleaned up. Mom took a nap, ate soup and felt better. Then we went to store where she only added two unnecessary items to cart.

I'm telling you my own reality tv show!

2:05 am

I have raided the kitchen for some milk and cookies. My dad used to do the same thing. It was good.

I have so much on my mind. I am very stressed at work, I haven't even begun back to school shopping. Or put it this way made a dent in it. Praying for a miracle.

I am being pressured to check into nursing homes...I do not want that. There may be a time but this is not it. I wish folks understood.

Steve and I had a very bumpy night.. Of course over finances. Both went to bed mad and hurt. Boy I feel like a failure.

I have begun my letter writing campaign on child support the laws and level of accountability have to change. I mailed out four letters yesterday. I intend to mail more. From my vantage point the laws in place aren't there to help children they are there to help the other parent. If only that other parent knew.....or cared.

You remember in the movie Rocky...when he first does all his running? He stays focused and somewhere along the way people see it and they run beside him or even after him? But he kept on track. Right now I feel as if I'm running alone and waiting for that crowd to join me. I don't know if I would look as good in gray sweats as he did. Ha ha.

Mom just got up. Looking for my dad. She is settled .... I hope. I am challenging myself to be more patient.

I read a blog by a local writer the other day where she decided a long time ago to cleanse negativity out of her life. I think I am going to write her and ask what she meant and how she did it. She seems to be one if the smartest people out there with a zest for life but with a servants heart.

Sam had a good practice looks like he is to be Center this year.

Tori continues to plan to move out. She surprised me yesterday with lunch. Aww!

Well hopefully I can sleep now.

All to save $

In an attempt to save $, I am giving mom a home perm today.

I now know and understand why they charge so much in beauty shops.

I have also trimmed up the necklines and side burns of Steve and Sam.

And the dogs are next

Never again

Write it down! Never ever again will I shop on tax free weekend!

It was an unfruitful trip. No good sales. Very discouraging. I'm so depressed about it...I know it sounds petty...but I just wanted to do better by Sam on this trip. He is so good and patient about it.

He said "mom it's just shoes and clothes...I'm fine with what I got."

Another sleepless night

I am so tired--so much so that I am sick. I have not slept. Mom got up once...but I got her back in bed.

I just checked on her. She is drinking coffee and eating Rice Krispies. So I hope to nap for a bit.

These sleepless nights are getting to me.

No matter where you stand....

Regardless of what day you visited Chik-fil-a, I do hope and pray you vote in November.

Help help help mom mom mom

Those words woke me up at midnight last night. Steve too.

We literally bolted out of bed. (always wanted to say I did that...bolted- I'm not a bolter---and yes I made that word up)

We open our door and see wrestling in the hallway. (Though we have told Sam countless times to lock his door at night...he doesn't-he's like me doesn't like locked doors. But maybe he will now!) back to my story....

Steve and I see mom and Sam wrestling...sorta. Mom got up last night got fully dressed, shoes, sweater, purse, and even make-up and glasses. She went into Sam's room..and literally started hitting him with her purse. He was sound asleep. He did right... Just took her by the hand and led her out. But she started in again...and so Sam was yelling mom mom mom....she was yelling help help help

I felt so sorry for Sam. He did right. Im proud. He was gentle but firm. Mom went right back to sleep. She thought she was in a hospital.

I probably should cry... But I choose to laugh. Little mom and my half grown man-child wrestling in the hallway.

What an image!

Remembering "Lisha"

Mom is remembering Melecia as "Lisha."

I think this so sweet. Melecia has become such an important part of our lives. Mom loves her. So do I.

I am blessed to know her.

Underwear at the doctor's office....how fast do you get dressed?!

I think the title is catchy....and I have my friend Carla to thank for it. Carla I dedicate this post to you.

Okay ladies I've written about it before. It is part of being a woman. The yearly check up and mammogram! There is no dignity in it at all.

Observations----
The sample....we have to pee in a cup. Soooo you go into the little bathroom that is probably painted with what is supposed to be warm colors with a "How to" poster on examining your boobies. Usually there are cups stacked on the counter with a little sign that says "please write your name on the cup with the pen." Now germaphobic me will not normally use their pen because how do you know who has washed their hands? Normally you do it before..,but there is always someone who may not. I take my own sharpie. Now, normally there is a basket of those wipe things you are supposed to use. I use about five I wipe the whole bathroom down then use them as I am supposed to. But what if there are no wipes? I would so obsess! What if this affects the results of the pap smear? Then you have to put your sample in the silver door that you have to touch....another wipe please! You put your sample in there and someone else's sample is in there! What the heck? I kid you not! I do not want contamination of the samples.... So, I make a divider with a paper towel so the cups do not touch. And cover mine up. Surely the lab appreciates my efforts.

Now you go for blood work and blood pressure check plus the dreaded scale. If you weighed before the sample it's not right! That's fluid that may add ounces! Then your blood pressure is high because you are upset about weight and stressing about the rest of the visit!

All that's done. You go into the room. The nurse - and she is one of two ages either old enough to be your mother or young enough you could have given birth too her. Really where are the ones in between?

You are told to undress and put on the attractive - leave it open in the front please gown. Now many offices are using cloth gowns-ugh! I rather have the pink paper gowns that rip. Ha ha. Now this is crucial - it is important that there is a curtain to dress behind. But that seems to be going away-you have to undress real fast then you have to decide how you are going to stack your clothes. But for some reason we cannot let the doctor see our underwear! So you fold your clothes in a way that is neat but underwear hidden. By golly I may be standing there in a gown with no clothes about to endure a personal exam but the doctor cannot see my underwear!

You get on the table and wait. Then the doctor comes in. He/she goes over stuff with you and you are trying to focus on questions and answers while holding your stomach in, boobs up and out and the gown closed. Talk about multi-tasking.

The exam starts you are told just to relax....what the heck ever! You just want to kick him..,but not while he is using what I call the hotdog tongs.

He finishes and steps out. Leaving you to get dressed.... Hence the title. How fast does it take for you to get dressed? I've decided it is the fastest I do all year!

70 Emails

When I arrived at work this morning I had 70 brand spanking new-unread-everybody wanting something emails. Only five were from the same person!

This does not count the 33 emails I had from our voicemail system to let me know I had voicemails. Yep you do the math that is 103 emails.

So I had 70 emails and 33 voicemails. I did not even check my spam!

So when you think a customer service rep is not responding or answering fast enough - I want you to stop- take a breath-and realize he or she is probably the lowest paid person there. And is doing multiple tasks all while trying to take care of you. Nothing is intentional. But please be patient!

Cajun Justice

A&E show. They deal with drug dealers, ghosts and alligators. Gotta love it!

A true guilty pleasure!

Insomnia Tv

Okay I am wide awake! There are so many shopping channels on right now! Who needs luggage or knives at this time? Who makes such a decision to purchase a blouse that can be worn three different ways?! I would only be able to do one I guarantee it!

Now I'm watching animal planet....hippos. I don't feel so chunky after all.

Crime Tv is next-trust me you watch that you'll think your family is a Norman Rockwell print come to life.

8th Grade

Tomorrow I will be the mom of an official 8th grade boy!

Wow!

HOT!!!

It is hot-hot-hot.

I know you know it. But just had to share! And yep mom still wearing her wool sweater.

Football

When you are cheering or yelling at the boys on the field remember they have practiced in 100+ degree Temps in full gear.

They All play to win. But remember to cheer them on no matter the score. There are no words to say after a hard loss. Just be there. The competition is good for them. But remember it is these young men playing not you!

I thought I was ready....

I thought I was ready for Tori to move. I'm not.

I am near tears as I type this. I feel as if I'm not needed. I've raised her to be independent. I just worry about life choices.

What if she gets sick? What if she doesnt have groceries and not eating properly. Will she lock her doors? Will she study? What type of friends will be over there?

What if I've missed something in teaching? I'm just sick with worry and sadness. I guess Im being silly.

People tell me I won't worry as much - that I will enjoy visits and raids on our refrigerator.

I hope so.

Now her brother on the other hand is looking forward to it. Ha ha! He said "mom she's never home, she makes messes and is grouchy all the time!" Ahhh the love between brother and sister.

I've had so many changes of late...just overwhelming!

A Poem

My friend Diane sent this to me in an email...I do not know where it originated...if it is true, etc...but it really touched me and I know it will you.


When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.


Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.



One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.



And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man



What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?

What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?

A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,

Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'

Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.

And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?

Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.

At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,

Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.

I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.

And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.

It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.

There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,

And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells

I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.

And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.

Not a cranky old man .

Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!



Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!



PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM!

The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart!

WHEN I LEFT THIS MORNING.....

When I left this morning mom was......can you guess?????

Mopping!!!!

ha ha ha

She had a good night and seems to be having a good day.

Praise the Lord!

Clean floors

Mom has mopped my floors so much they are slick!

Ha ha

Thankful

I am thankful for the rain showers we are getting right now!

I am thankful for a full nights sleep last night.

I am thankful mom had a good day.

I am thankful for God's provision.

I am thankful for The Cross.

Whoo hoo!

We made it to both am and pm services yesterday! Hopefully we can do Sunday School soon.

She enjoyed both services. So did I!
Crosspointe is awesome!

Mom has had a few good days. Yeah!!!

Tori

Tori my baby girl has decided she wants to move in with friends.

I have raised her to be independent. To work hard. Now it is time for her to fly with those wings.

I'm so proud of her. She seems to be gone more than home lately but I will miss pony tail holders, flip flops, and drinking glasses in weird places.

Pray with me for her to make wise choices, to focus on school, to be true to herself and what she has been taught.

Tori, I love you. You will always have a home.

2:15

Yep, I'm awake!

What is it about this time? Mom was up for a minute but went back to bed.

Best she could......

Tonight after dinner I went outside to sweep off porch and patio. Mom stayed inside and got it in her head to clean.

I think she dusted, swept, mopped. It really looked okay... But whatever!

I came in from outside and then is what she said ..,,"Lord Becky, I did the best I could with your house. "


Ha ha ha

Trapped and other stuff

Mom seemed like she was trapped deeper into her mind yesterday. I couldn't figure out where she was.

If you are reading this and you are at the beginning of caring for a person with Alzheimer's or something similar...

They will answer no to everything. No they are not hungry and you know they haven't eaten.. Fix something anyway and sit down with them! Don't walk away keep them company as they eat.

You know they have taken their medicine you gave it to them and watched them swallow... But they will argue .. Distract them and say it is not time. Heck if you have to get some small candies and give that to them. Worked for me the other day. Smarties look like medicine.

Bath time.. Tell them you are going out. And if you have to go get a coke or ice cream afterwards as a treat.

Give them something to do. They need to feel useful, helpful and wanted. I blew this one last night because I was tired and just wanted to sit down . Mom likes to clean.

Forgive yourself if you mess up. Move forward.

Don't stress over the small stuff.

2:00 am

Like clockwork I wake up at this time every morning and so does mom!

She has gone back to bed but my mind turns in what seems like 100 different directions. The how to's, what if's, the to do list.

Prayerfully I will go back to sleep soon. I will watch crime tv that seems to be my sleeping pill!

Thankful

I am thankful for a sweet card that I received today from Carla.

I needed it! I cried!

Paint chips at Walmart

Tori watched mom for me after Melecia left and took Sam to football. This gave me a precious hour or so of time away.

I ended up just walking around Walmart looking at paint colors. We plan to do our room next. Steve is going to take the samples to another source where he gets a discount.

That being said my brief time away from reality was a gift!

One of those

I will become one of those! I plan to mow grass in the morning. You know the type..the one that makes your neighbors cringe! It's worse than the yard sale neighbor!

Who am I?

Tonight I don't feel like a good mom. I don't feel as if I'm a good wife. Or friend, sister or daughter.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted to the point I can't think straight!

A lot on my mind. Mom, my marriage , kids, finances, and a job I know I need that- I'm blessed to have but I'm not happy at.

And darn it I need a haircut and color to cover roots.

ALZHEIMER CAREGIVER

As a caregiver I am my mom's voice. Sometimes that is hard to do. 

Sometimes it is hard for doctors, nurses to accept.  But when you spend so much time with a person, taking care of them, watching them, etc...you know them really well.  And mom is like a child.

That being said...do not be afraid to let your loved one's doctor know what is going on, what works, what you are doing, what you don't want to do, etc.  They see them in the office for maybe 10 minutes if we are lucky.   

I am blessed that our doctor listens, cares, etc.  But some do not have that.  I would drop that doctor faster than a hot potato.

MOM AND THE DISHWASHER

The other day mom called my name....


"Becky come in here - there is water every where in the cabinet" 

I rush in there....

She had opened the dishwasher mid cycle - it was full of water - and of course it is under the cabinet.

She was trying to drain it cup by cup.

ha ha ha ha ha

DUST MOP

My mother loves loves to Dust Mop. She will take the little mop and just mop for an hour or more. (I don't know what that says about my floors - but hey - whatever works to help her!)

She also has taken to carrying a cloth around and wiping down pictures and furniture.

She has always been an awesome house cleaner - you could literally eat off her floors. (Mine aren't there...yet!)

Child support

I have tried never to bash Tori and Sam's dad.... He is their dad. Steve and I have encouraged then to call, write, email, invite, etc. He and his parents. They are no longer babies so I don't do it for them. But he is reaping what he has sown...they have learned not to expect much. Sam is more forgiving than Tori-so there is still a chance. The relationship they have or don't have with him is totally separate from child support. They want him to call or send a card. They don't want gifts they just want and need time and love from him.

But their dad has made some selfish choices...not even trying. We just wanted to see effort...but have seen none!

Now legally he is in trouble. He needs to catch up and call in.

I hate controversy. We understand he has other children, a wife and responsibilities but if mine were living with him..,he'd have to support them. We honestly just wanted to see effort but as I said before we have seen none. I have prayed he would do right or make an attempt at it.

But now I'm allowing the courts to handle it. Prayerfully resolution will come soon.

Like a child

I know mom is not a child.... But she keeps me busier than any toddler.

I could probably call the mom of a two year old and so sympathize! I could say "really! Let me tell you what mine did with the dishwasher this morning! Now I know why I run it at bedtime!"

That's a story for another time!

Steve and shoes

Steve bought me a pair of slip on shoes. Awww

Could have been diamonds!

Stubborn Mom

Mom is feeling better. But tonight we have stubborn mom in the house!

She refuses to go to bed. So she is sleep on couch fully dressed, sitting straight up with purse in lap.

Ha ha'

Rice Krispies

I know every one has been stressed and worried. I picked up a box of Rice Krispies. Mom will be happy - she has been without her daily bowl for three days. I'm surprised she isn't going through withdrawal.

I'm sure everyone will sleep better tonight. Rest well!

Ha ha

Eggs

I managed to grocery shop tonight. Whoo hoo!

I had coupons at Kroger for free coffee, water bottles, pop tarts and eggs. I was so excited.

I got home with our groceries...house was total chaos! Mom, Sam, Steve and two dogs. Every one had something to say or needed me! Sam and Steve bring in the groceries.....I hear a splat! I knew immediately what it was! My free eggs!!!!

I salvage some....I like boiled eggs and egg salad - so I boil some slightly cracked ones...well mom throws them away after they cooled!

I'm thinking we weren't supposed to have eggs this week,

Ahhhhh back to confused and bewildered mom

Who would have thought I would miss her?

She's back to her confused, mixed up self. Arguing about eating, Medicine, locked doors, and telling me she is going to divorce Steve for cheating on her, Ha ha!

I am so thankful to Melecia for having mom drink liquids at every turn to flush the hateful Medicine out of her system.

Haldol

This is the new medicine the doctor gave mom.

It is horrible! It made mom a zombie!

She couldn't walk or talk this morning!

I do not recommend this medicine at all. There obviously is no quality of life.

I know....

I know you can never get back the sleep you loose....

But yesterday I felt rested and somewhat destressed. But now I'm exhausted all over again.

Mom was up and down all night. Im tempted to take the doors off her closet! Ugh!

Hard to be patient....

I'm not in the mood to be patient!

Shame on me!

Mom and the closet door

Mom has spent the past 30 minutes opening and closing her closet door.

I came in her room she thought it was a door to the outside and a man was on the other side.

I'm now laying down with her.

Out of Rice Krispies.....

We are out of Rice Krispies! Not good. Because mom loves them!

She will have to be strong'

Ha ha

Normally..,,

Normally I would jump at chance to run to grocery store- if just to get a break from home. I just don't want to leave the house.

I just don't feel like stretching my brain to budget!

I'm just lazy!

NCIS

I'm watching a NCIS marathon.

The new TV season starts soon. We do not have recording capability - I will miss the new shows because I will be cheering on #60!

Ya think CBS would switch nights for me? Ha ha

I rather be watching Sam any day of the week!!!

Back from camp!

Sam is back from camp. Since school has been out he has gone on three camping trips with Royal Rangers.

He had so much fun. Learned a lot. I so appreciate the men who invest their time and energy into these boys.

Football begins this week. We have cleats!

Rough week...

I wrote earlier that mom had a rough week.

Melecia handled the days like a champ. Though I know she had to be worn out.

The nights were horrible. I wish I could adequately describe it. She was verbally abusive to Steve, Tori and I. We dealt with some physical stuff too.

I am sad. I am tired. I am worried. I am stressed.

Mom literally follows me around all day room to room. I come out of bathroom she is there. Just like a two year old.

She is now on a different medicine. She has felt bad. I guess her mind and body getting used to the changes. I know she had had a stomach ache and a headache.

We haven't been to church since the Sunday before July 4th. I feel lonely and cut off from the world.

I guess I am selfish. I can only imagine how mom feels - not able to describe feelings.

We need prayer in so many areas!

Mom and her purse......

Today mom fiddled, emptied, rearranged her purse for almost three hours.

She then would put it up and forget where she put it and then open every drawer, door, cabinet looking for it.

Right now it is in her lap. I hope it stays there!

You cannot....

You cannot argue with an Alzheimer's patient.  You cannot reason.  You cannot prove a point. 

It will frustrate them and you.

Speak in short sentences, don't be negative, be patient, and speak slowly and clearly.


Now, only if I only follow my own advice...

HMMPH!

Meleciaisms......

Melecia is so pratcial.

I am going to try to remember some of the things she says.

But here is one of my favorites...

When mom has been real good and had a good day.  Melecia will say...

"She's been so sweet, you can taste sugar."

Hard week....

This has been a hard week.  Mom just hasn't behaved! 

We all are wore out.  I will probably think of some funny things later - but be in prayer. We are switching to a new medicine that hopefully will help us.  Pray that it works with little to no side effects.

A piece of marriage advice.....

I can be, have been, and will probably be called a NAG.

I grew up differently from Steve. Not to mention when we  came into marriage - both of us were scarred from previous marriages. 

I firmly believe you get out of bed in the morning and get moving - no laying around. That is how I was raised.  You don't dilly dally.  You get your stuff done. And there is always something to be done.  Now admittedly I have learned to relax more and not stress about a little dust, etc. 

We were painting a room - Steve said he was going to do it.  We moved all furniture out, etc.  Leaving house in disarray - I don't do disarray.  It drives me insane.  He has been off this week -and it was killing me for him not to be painting yesterday when I was work! 

I get home, no painting done.  I hold my tongue - I refuse to nag!  But mind sure was!

But last night - after dinner - he starts painting and paints until about 2:00. 

The lesson is - be patient, be flexible and don't nag!  It will get done, maybe not how you (I) like it - but it will.

I so appreciate the freshly painted room!

Tired

I am beyond tired.

Mom and I are eating dinner and I'm missing her cornbread.

Loneliness

Today I feel lonely. Cut off from the world.

Mom has had a rough weekend. I'm wore out. So tired I hurt.

Weedeater!!!!!!

Obviously this gal has no luck with Weedeaters! I don't get it. I'm reasonably intelligent, can put things together, etc. But for some reason once a weedeater enters our driveway - it doesn't work right!

I borrowed my sisters weedeater and I can't work it!

I just pulled weeds by hand!

But I will try again later!

Hmmph!

Mom and Melecia

When Melecia left this afternoon... Mom said..."I love her."

What an awesome awesome blessing!

A thought on marriage....

It's okay to be nice to your spouse!

It's okay to say thank you to your husband or wife.

It's okay to compliment or brag on your mate to others.

Me....again!

I have been thinking about a lot of things. Of course mom always seems to be at top of list.

But there are a few other things.,,

1. I want us-my family to get financially fit! We have struggled for so long and still are hurting but I know God will show us the way! I will be reading Dave Ramsey's book.

2. I want to take care of myself. I want to walk and lose weight. Exercise more. I feel less stressed after walking.

3. Dental work. I've had issues for awhile but mom in her violent times broke my teeth twice. I feel so ugly

These may seem selfish and vain. But I so want to take care of these.

Sundowning!

A common occurrence with alzheimer patients ..... With mom!

Look up Alzheimer Reading Room! I love this sight.

Today they talked about sundowning. At our house it starts around 4:30 and will last until about 7:00 every night!

Mom gets super agitated and grouchy. She wanders and paces. I get home at 5:00. But today I learned a few new tips,....

I opened all the blinds to let sunshine in. And I gave mom a task. She dusted. Every room. Using a feather duster. This accomplished a couple of things she walked around room to room satisfying her need to check things out safely! But it helped her feel useful and needed. She is needed!

Not to mention the house is dusted!! Ha ha!


We ate a good dinner. With her critique of what I did and didn't do!

Seriously google Alzheimer Reading Room... it has become a lifeline for me.

Random pics......

Random pics from stuff I have talked about.


The Pencil Sharpener that hung in a closet for years...... no telling how many pencils have been sharpened.  I remember when dad put it up.

One of many labels throughout my house.....they are working.

Mom eating dinner last night.... country cookin'.  Just call me Betty Crocker.

Me

Right now at this second - I'm so depressed and discouraged.

I'm tired but I know I won't sleep.

Labels and signs....

I have labeled most of the cabinets and doors on our house. I did this to help mom locate and put away things.

Selfishly, I'm having a hard time with this. I know it helps her, prompts her to read, stop and think. But I'm not liking the looks of the labels and signs. I know that is terrible of me. And I feel terrible for feeling this way.

On the upside I'm not finding socks in the kitchen cabinets and she is feeling more independent not having to ask where everything is, etc.

Mom at the beauty shop.....

I took mom to get a haircut yesterday.

I had already cleaned house, did laundry, picked up some stuff outside...so I did not look my best. Not to mention Sam and I finished packing for his camping trip and we picked up a tent from my sisters house!

So we get to the beauty shop. Sam is with us, he gets his buzzed/trimmed. Mom is seated. Then she says....
"excuse how my daughter looks...she didn't take the time to get ready!"

Needless to say she provided comic relief for those in the hair place.

Saturday

Have to forgive myself for not being so patient today.

I feel antsy and nervous. I'm sure it did not help mom today. Part of my problem is Sam leaves for camp tomorrow and this momma bird will miss her little.... Ummmmm ...man size voice changing chick! As I mentioned in an earlier post I am hoping my snippets of advice will stick!

I did take mom to get her haircut and to Mcdonalds, I think she inhaled her fries!


Steve and I went to see "Ted" don't waste your money. Tacky and tasteless. Hmmph!!!!! But it was nice to get out - just the two of us. Tori sat with mom! She offered! Thanks Tori!

My hips and back are super bothering me. I am guessing arthritis.

I have a couple of funny stories but will share them later. Of course they involve mom!

Going to camp

Sam leaves for camp tomorrow. Real camping! Tents, outdoor showers, hiking, just fun stuff.

He will be gone all week. He is taking so much stuff! Of course I have tons of motherly advice-I'm sure a lot of it being ignored. But maybe a little nugget will sink in. :)

When he returns he's home for about three days and leaves again for another camp.

I know he will have fun. I'm proud of him. I love him!

Grocery shopping, mom, the police officer and Burger King

Did grocery shopping early this week. And I took mom with me.

As we were shopping she walked ahead of me ..... she spots a police officer in uniform shopping with his wife. She goes up to him and says... "excuse me, this girl is starving me to death and keeps me locked up and never let's me out of the house!" (mind you we are in the grocery store when she is doing this!) He looks at me, I just shrug and bust out laughing. And then he does too. Mom is in a huff but we walk on.

Now we are in parking lot. She holds her stomach and starts moaning loudly "oh, I'm starving I'm so dizzy and weak. I want Burger King!" Oh brother!

We finally get in car- we go to Burger King...and it's a miracle! She feels so much better! Amazing the power of a Whopper Jr and fries!

100 degrees outside.....

But I'm freezing inside. I don't feel that great! Ugh!

Mom and dinner dishes

Mom has always always kept a super clean house. My house is clean probably not as detailed clean as hers because I've always worked outside the home.

Now she lives with us.

As I cook dinner I wash pots and pans as I go. But of course we have dinner dishes....as soon as mom has swallowed her last bite she is ready to do those dishes. The problem is some nights we aren't finished! I can't make her understand. Last night she took my plate - I was still eating!!!! Ha ha

And then she will say sarcastically "that's ok Becky you just sit there and I'll do all the work"

Ha ha ha

Wide awake

I went to bed early feeling so bad. Now I'm wide awake at 2:00 am feeling worse.

Mom didn't feel that great either. I've heard her get up but now she sleeps.

I have a funny story I will share later about her cleaning the kitchen. it involved major tongue clucking!

Words linger....

Keep in mind words linger long after they leave your mouth.

Choose your words.

CREATING MEMORIES

I am sure I have written it before - but 4th of July or Indenpence Day is like Christmas to Sam. To say that he is one of the most patriotice 14 year olds would be an understatement. He loves our country and totally respects those who have fought and served. And he literally tears up at the playing of our National Anthem.

Being Sam he loves loves loves fireworks.

We checked to see if there was a burn ban in our area and there is not (doesn't matter I'll be out there with water hose anyway - already told Sam we would saturate ground...

So we buy Sam some fireworks - he is so excited. He has it all planned out. This is where the redneck comes out in my son!

I stressed about the $ spent - especially when it has been tighter than tight - but as I was laynig in bed last night - I thought we are creating memories. And that is worth so much!

Mom and muffins....

"girl" as mom calls Melecia made muffins yesterday.

Mom loved them. And the fact that she remembered who made them was awesome. She said they were the best ever!

Thanks Melecia!

To young brides....

It is okay for you to prepare meals for your husband. Yes- even if you work too.

Learn from me. The other night we had a disagreement in our house. I wasn't being so Biblical- not even close to a Proverbs 31 gal. Was he wrong? Yes! Was I wrong? Yes!

How did I help to resolve the issue? I didn't cook dinner. To make it worse I had already started cooking. I just stopped. Put the meat up for the next day. We both were tired and hungry. And went to bed grouchy.

Did my actions solve anything? What did I prove? Not a thing.

Learn from me!

Learning to bend .... To be flexible in marriage!

I grew up where every meal was eaten at the table. I knew no different. Tori and Sam didn't either.

Keeping in mind Steve and I have been married four years.....,

He sometimes likes to eat alone in our room watching TV. I have to be honest this used to absolutely drive me insane. Everyone would be scattered. I hated it! Not fond of it now.

Now I compromise- especially since mom is with us. So now I push to eat at the table hopefully three times a week. I now know that Steve uses that time to "destress" from his day - he needs this time. I'm not saying I like it or recommend it. But I do know I don't need to nag or harp on it.

In addition to sharing mom stories and things I learn along the way. I'm going to start sharing marriage stories. I'm no expert or counselor, every day is a learning experience. I think it will be more for my benefit than any - holding me more accountable. I do know I won't get too personal... Just going to share my thoughts.

Sweet Tea

It is my personal opinion that a lot of problems could be solved even avoided if discussed over a tall glass of sweet tea.

I drink mine with no lemon. I love sweet tea.

Dusting

Every time I call to check on mom she is dusting.

That's a good thing! She loves it and I don't have to do it.

Size 10

Sam wears a size 10 cleat? When did that happen?!!

Hmmph!

Definitely Less Stressful!

I know we will face challenges. I know there will be bad days.

But having mom with us is a lot less stressful for all of us.....including mom.

I am not driving between two homes! I'm not taking care of two homes. With this alone, I am able to do more here at our home. I am home thirty minutes after getting off work.

Mom is not going between two homes. She is settling, still confused at times, she misses her little house, but she feels safe and is getting used to two dogs, Sam being a teen, not the forever five year old that is in her head, and like me accepting the busy life of Tori and not liking it!

Steve continues to be great. Taking it all in stride.

I never know what tomorrow will bring. But do we ever?