Single momhood....

I have said it already being a single parent is hard. And at times you want to separate the two, but you cannot. I hear from couples in my church all the time, how they "date" each other and I am so glad they do, and I can see a difference in those who spend time together as a couple.

But what about a single person? I have not dated since my divorce. And I am sure I have mentioned it before, but my ex-husband has been the only man I have ever kissed. (No, it is not because he is that great a kisser - I have strong beliefs, terribly old fashioned - prudish I'm told and I have never dated anyone) But I really don't want him to be the only man I ever kiss. EEWWWWWWWWWW. Side note: What do you do on a date anyway? Do men hold the door open? Do women pay for dinner? What are the rules?

I worry about introducing people into the lives of my kids. I hear too many stories of single moms who constantly date and introduce men to their children - and they regret it. My kids have a dad, they don't need a fill-in-dad. As Missouri Becky said, I am not one of those women who need to be rescued, but it sure would be nice to have someone for me, someone who loves me.

Loneliness is my main problem. Oh, how I am lonely. I keep wondering why I am here is this spot - am I meant to be single for the rest of my life? Will God send the right man at the right time? Or is He waiting until my kids are grown? I know His plans for me are bigger than I can imagine - but selfishly, I want a hint!

I have been in love since my divorce - never acted on it. Attracted to men, but never acted on it - so I guess I am "normal" in that sense. But I really believe men don't see me - the person- the woman. No, I am not Barbie, but I am not the wicked witch either. I give myself a "5" on a scale of 1 to 10. They see me as a "mom" or "cupcake maker" - they don't associate me with dating. Trust me, I have thought this out - you should see it in action one day.

I know I am rambling, but I am terribly lonely today. Headed to a Christmas dinner, and to shop by myself, no one to share the experience with. And for whatever reason, it hurts terribly. I am wimp!!!!