My relationship with my mother. Now those are words that will cause women to cringe everywhere. Whether it be a current issue with their mother, a past issue, or things they regret, or things they miss, most will cringe. Or at the least crease their brow. My mother and I have a strange, strange, volatile relationship. We love each other, but we don't necessarily like each other. We need each other, one of us hating it more than the other. The other resenting the ever increasing responsibilities. I just don't remember hugs, or "I love you's" or words or encouragement. I don't remember seeing familiar faces when I was in a program at school or at church. Why? I know my mother loves me, she is of old school, where you don't talk about your feelings, you don't show emotion. And I am right the opposite in so many ways. In many ways it feels like we are "married", she at home all day, me at work. She wanting something done right away - as soon as I walk in the door - me wanting to just sit for 10 minutes. I don't know how to explain it. When we first moved in - we needed help-then my dad died 3 months later, and now she needs me more than I need her - and she resents it. I have always lived to "please" my mother-until recently when I realized it is not going to happen. It is not in her nature to say "good job" or "I'm proud." I have accepted it. I know she loves me. I love her. I just wish we were closer in the ways that count. She has never been the type of person to talk or share feelings. I have so many stories I could tell, but the time is not right, and I really don't want to depress myself.