Back to whining....

When I went through my divorce, I went through very hard times. Things were really bad for us.

I lost my home...almost lost my car. I would pay a house note one month and car payment the next. It finally caught up with me. I cannot tell you the times I worried how I was going to feed my kids and buy medicine for my son - he was very sick from birth to about 6 years old. There were times when we didn't have any groceries and just in time, a food basket or gift certificate would arrive. God always provided.

I finally decided to pay for my car and let my house go. My sister said I could move in with her.

I moved in with my sister for a few months. Finally I was able to move into a small house in town. At the time I was working two jobs, my regular job and then cleaning every weekend and any other time I had, just to make ends meet. I lost the cleaning job(it paid good money, and as long as I had the cleaning job, I did okay, it wasn't easy, but I did okay.) My dad was sick at the time, fighting Alzheimer and Parkinson's disease - he was moved to a Nursing home. So I decided to move into my mother's home. It would help me and would help her. And it has.
Now it seems like I can't escape.

It has always been my goal as a single mother not to fall into the trap so many others do. I would keep my kids in the same school system, not move around, and not introduce different men in their lives. And I have pretty much accomplished this.

My dad died the same year I moved in with my mother. My kids and I are in the same room, and we are going nuts. Well, I am anyway. I want my own place so bad I can taste it. To have my own little corner of the world. But my mother cannot financially afford to live on her own, and it would be tight for me, tight but doable. When I move, I will literally be starting with nothing. I don't have dishes, towels, much less furniture. (I pretty much got rid of or sold everything I had the longer I stayed with my mother-no sense paying storage for stuff I wasn't using)

I am so afraid of failure - I don't want to set myself and my kids up for disappointment. But I think for the sake of all involved, I need to move. But what to do about my mother?

It is so much to worry about, I worry so much I make myself sick. I cry so much these days.

I know I have so much to be thankful for - and I know it could be worse. And I am thankful and appreciative for how far God has carried me. But I am ready to move on - but not at the expense of my family.

But I am ready to begin a new life. What should I do?