I know I probably should have been more productive this weekend...housework and such that probably should be done. I freshened (I think of Carla every time I say this!) up the house tonight - where does dust come from!?
I was thinking of today's message and the songs that were sang. As if they were planned for my gauntlet of emotions that I was feeling. I struggle with feelings of failure and insecurity all the time - it is a huge battle. My favorite song is Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave - it is beautiful. Choir sang it today - the message from Jeremiah - everything seemed to be speaking to me.
I have areas where I need to improve greatly - money management - (I can honestly say - I don't blow money - I feel guilty when I buy things...yesterday we went to Kohls...and I stressed over three tops - walked around the store for 30 minutes trying to decide) but I forget to record when I buy or when something is due...or when I pay something..... then I go into panic mode. Diane tells me I just have too much on my plate....I don't know if that is a valid excuse.. But trust me if it can happen - it happens to me. I can mail a bill, it will get lost in the mail - I arrange payment on the phone...then the original clears the same moment - then I have a mess. Steve gets so aggravated...furious with me. But it is not my fault.... The IRS said we owed $4,000 - I knew we didn't owe - I had to fight it tooth and nail - but I proved them wrong. We have Direct TV - they have messed up on our bill twice - this last time - I paid the bill - the check cleared - but they said we didn't pay. I told them I was ready to pack up the equipment and send back to them collect - they made me feel so small - but by golly - I proved them wrong - I kid you not - it was tons of emails, but I refused to give in. I knew I was right. One year, our tax refund was offset - due to an error of keying in our SS#'s - it took letters to our State Representative - copies of everything to prove that we didn't owe child support - I wanted to say we are owed about $7,000 in back child support. Which our lovely government is holding a payment that was made for six months - go figure! Hmmph. Money management - how can I get better? I really do feel like a failure in this area.
My weight - I need and want to lose weight. I know I would feel better.
There are other areas I need to improve on......hmmmmmm...but these two are like weights pulling me into an ocean...
Redeemed. I am saved. I know Jesus died for me. Why can't I totally and completely give Him these two things I struggle with?
Redeemed.
....
1 comment:
Glad you had a worshipful day at Church. My daughter saw Big Daddy Weave here at the College. I think your friend Diane is right--you do have too much on your plate. Most people don't have the spirit to fight back when knocked down that you do. THese difficulties will help you help someone soon--you will be able to reach out and help someone because of what you have been through. You will actually be sharper than you think when it comes to looking out for this kind of malfeasance on the part of businesses and our government. The Lord will take these very difficult times and use them to your benefit and His glory. That is the essence of the Christian life, isn't it? We have a Safety Net in the Person of Jesus and a Comforter and Guide in the Person of the Holy Spirit. I know it can sound corny, but there really is something to the Beautiful Footprints poem.
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