New Desk.

Sam's room was way too cluttered...we took out a few pieces of furniture and junk-I bought a desk on a sale sight.

I found a used laptop., got it back in working order...so he is enjoying the new space.

Here is the result! 

Good Job Sam!

This fellow, the one holding the dog, ha!

Has a 3.6 GPA!  I am very proud of this accomplishment. Just think what would happen if he studied every night!!!!

Go Sam!

Tonight

Tonight, mom was real sweet and loving.  Funny!

Melecia is on vacation - but we have sweet Debbie working in her place. 

Tonight, my face and jaws hurt.  I want dental work!  In due time.  I feel ugly.

JAM

I learned on a YouTube video yesterday by Teppa Snow - (an expert in Alzheimer care, etc in my opinion).  that Alzheimer's dominant taste is bitterness - that is why they like more sugar in their coffee, won't drink diet drinks, etc. 

Mom does not like to swallow pills anymore she is very dramatic - worthy of an Oscar.  So we have been crushing her meds and mixing with apple sauce, sometimes pudding or ice cream.  Well, no though mom will swallow, she fights it and says it is BITTER - and gags and sometimes will spit out.

Teppa suggested JAM - it has texture - so the patient can't pick out the medicine (as in pudding) and it is sweeter than applesauce.  So far I have used twice and it works like a charm - who would have thought.

Jam - imagine that!

No clue!

Mom moves furniture all the time. I don't know where she gets the strength. 

She moved the desk chair to the door leading to hallway. No clue the reasoning or thinking....I just knew no one was going out or coming in!  

Bahahahaha!

Laundry!!!

This is why I appreciate our washer and  dryer...tons of laundry! 

May We Never Forget....

 

 

 

 

 

What if today.....

The best messages to receive

Every time Sam has Football, whether it is weight training, running or good ole fashioned in the field practice - he has been sending me a text like this....  We pray over text.  I shared this with is coaches so they could see where his heart and mind are.  And I am sure other players feel the same way.  These boys love their coaches and they want to work to please them.  I hope and pray the coaches see and know this.  His new coach looks like he could be one of them - so that is one reason he has to be so tough on them - he has to establish the authority and leadership.

But I am so proud that Sam believes in prayer and grateful and humble that he asks me to pray for him. 

Work Emails

 I say it a lot and trust me, I am not exaggerating - I receive about 200 emails a day.  It is non stop and constant.  People will call me or email me and ask..."Do you remember..?"  Well, heck no.  With each email a decision or an answer has to be given.  And I do lag behind.  But on Friday - this is what my inbox looked like.  I was soooooo excited.  It had been my goal to clean out as much as I could - because it being the Friday before a long weekend - I knew we would probably slow down after lunch - and we did.

 In this one, I am working on another computer - taking it back to factory defaults.  Works good as new now. 

A trip to the ER

Mom fell yesterday and busted her head...ended up being a small spot. But Sam and I took her to the ER at our local hospital. ( only went there because I knew what was wrong) And trust me I will never go back. She fell as she was mopping and dusting. 

When we arrived...it did not seem or look busy. But we waited. Mom had missed her 4:00 med and was super agitated by the time we were in back. This hateful nurse who saw how mom was acting said "we will have to sedate her, it is mandatory." I looked at her and said "well, no, you have to take precautions when you sedate an Alzheimer's patient and she had hit her head. So,  no to the sedation"She said and I'm not kidding, "well I'm not helping with her acting like that." Well, I told her she had not been in there anyway! Hmmph. I made an enemy! 

We were there 4 long hellish hours. Sam's friend and his mom picked him up. Mom was wild...we passed the time for another round if medicine. The doctor finally came in...and I let him have it. They did a scan, glued the spot and we had to wait for results. I knew she was fine. A young nurse just on duty saw us and probably heard mom...found her chart noticed all was clear and got us out of there. I could have kissed her.

A few pics from our adventure.  Her head looks worse than it was. Sam held the compress all the way there and in waiting room. The big guy was the only one who could calm mom down. Mom was not cooperative with blood pressure check, temperature, etc.  she ripped the bandage off after about 5 minutes!

Mom was so hard to handle and only my two children came to help. I am struggling with some deep feelings of aggravation and hurt right now. And even struggling to forgive. Not a call or text from two people who say they care about me..though not mom. I was crushed. 

Going to take me awhile to get over it. And not to sure I can.

ROOTS

Everyone likes roots - in the sense they like to be firmly planted.  To know there is stability.

This week, Sam and I cut down, pulled and pushed a dead tree - it was not very big, but the roots were strong and thick.  It took a lot of work - it was hard to break those roots!

 

 

 

After we removed the tree, I really started thinking how we become deeply rooted in routine of everyday life. We don't accept change, or panic at the slightest bump in the road. We would rather be like this dead tree, not produce and just stay put.

The roots reminded me of sin. How it is so easy to sin, call it a little sin, do it again and soon we are so deeply rooted in sin we don't budge. Maybe we don't make a move to change because we are enjoying it or maybe it's because we feel so guilty that we think we won't be loved.

God is waiting with love to pull us away from those roots and to forgive. Oh, we will have scars and possibly a hole until healing is complete. But it will be a lesson learned. And soon we can grow again and produce fruit that will honor God.

I'm thankful for The Cross and God's love!

Child Support Rules and Regulations

Really tick me off.

Sunday Sunday

It has literally been a day of rest.

Mom and I cleaned up - but kept on our PJ's - we needed this quiet day.  I made a pot of chili and a strawberry cake. 

I needed today.

Praying for many and praying for a good week.

I am helping Sam on paper and of course this is exam week.  Pray for him - he freezes during exams. The knowledge is there - but it needs to travel down his arm and onto the paper.

God is good.

Mom

Mom had a decent day...she slept late after our extremely late night.

She ate a good breakfast. 

She needed a haircut so she went with Sam and I.

A few pics....

I told them short..she was not happy.

All done! Looks good!

After the store and dropping Sam off...I thought she would be ready to get out of car...but nope she wasn't budging..,as you can see below.

I had to lay her down half way pull her legs to get her out of the car. That was a hoot. 

I love her but she has worn me out this week! 

Sam..

Sam worked today at school helping to clean and paint their locker room.

With permit in hand he is driving with me in car and doing a good job!  He likes going with me places right now because he drives. I'm enjoying these times..we are talking about many things.

Side note: the brakes don't work on the passenger side. I am also so much more patient than I was with Tori...I hate that I was so nervous with her. That being said...Sam is a more conservative driver than Tori.

After I picked him up we went for haircut them I dropped him off for a birthday party.

A few pics....

Driving from football...

Haircut. Sharp memories hit me here. I can remember his first haircut when his hair was ringlets. Soon he will drive himself to get a haircut. Sigh

 He's waiting for mom to finish with her haircut.

The finished product...handsome young man! 

I'm a proud mom!

Bad night

The new medicine did not work for mom.

Tonight has been hell. Absolute hell.

She has kicked, hit, pinched, threw a glass of milk.

She has literally thrown herself in the floor...mom looks like a walking bruise. Melecia and I both are upset about it.,.we try to catch her, keep her from hitting, or pulling stuff off of things. I feel guilty. 

I was ready to throw in the towel tonight. Mom would not last in a nursing home...I can't do it.

We..I must find better ways to handle this extreme aggression.

Please pray. 

Internship and prayer requests

Tori has begun a new internship with the Sheriff's office - she loves it.  I really think this is her field..her niche.

Every day before football - Sam sends me a text that says "Remember to pray for me momma" - how sweet is that?  I type a prayer - I tell him to pray also.  I am so glad both kids believe in the power of prayer and God's provision and protection.

Preplanned and done

I don't know if I mentioned it - but I have paid for and arranged for mom's final services.  It was not hard - in fact I had them laughing.  I firmly believe the funeral industry is a racket, air tight, vented, water sealed, not sealed.  I asked them, at this point in a person's life - does it matter? Satin or cotton? Pink or purple?  I felt like I was at a coffee shop making quick decisions. 

Mom has always been very private - she requested a graveside service, and that is what she will get.  But it is done.  It wasn't hard. 

And you can write this down - I am not having folks over at my house afterwards - they didn't come before - I sure as heck don't want them here - saying things like they did at my dads..."I didn't visit because I knew he wouldn't know me." or "I was just too busy."  I already know what I am going to do - after the service - I am leaving with my family and staying away for just a bit. I am so thankful - we have already divided heirlooms, etc.   There is no money - so that won't be an argument or discussion. 

Don't get me wrong - I hope mom lives much longer - but this is a burden off my shoulders.

A FLOOD OF FEELINGS

I am feeling many things.

Worry - we have changed mom's medicine around.  On the upside - she is talking clearer and walking stronger.  She eats without prompting. Tells us when she goes needs to potty (that had stopped).  She can have a conversation -sort of - if you lead her there.  On the downside - she is very energetic and into everything - more so than usual.  If you were to come into my house - you would think we had a toddler - and I am not kidding.  Locks, toys, nothing sitting around - you name it. 

Sadness - I feel lonely.  One sister asked me where I found my compassion and how I can show it toward mom.  I tell her it is through God...praying for the compassion I need, the love and forgiveness toward mom and others...even my sisters.  Oh, but I am lonely - I feel so deserted.

Stress - work is getting busier and busier - our peak season has it.  In the land of electronic media - my emails have increased.  It blows my mind how many I handle in a day.  I like my job - love it.  I have a good team - but boy we get fussed at daily from every sort of person you could think of.

Household chores - I want to go on strike. 

Groceries - I made my family mad - I bought no junk food/snacks, etc.  None of us need it and I saved $65 on groceries this past week - compared to the week before.  I bought fruit, etc.  Hmmph!  I am cutting back, meal planning, etc.  I am tired of spending what I was spending - it is so easy because things are so high.  In two weeks I spent $525 on groceries - unreal - we cannot afford that.  No one can.  It is at the point, I hate going to the grocery store - and I have learned not to go too early on the weekends - because it will be gone by Tuesday.  Am I wrong on this?

Did I mention I am lonely - I feel so sad right now - I could cry.  I just want to go to someone's house, curl up on the couch and just let them take care of me.