Saturday, June 13, 2015
Friday, June 12, 2015
Need prayer
Requesting prayer. So much to handle. And when will I realize to give all to God? Give my worries, problems and needs to God up front and not after I have wasted time trying to figure things out?
Focus on the Family
Great broadcasts as usual. Relevant in my life. Touched my life this week in so many ways.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Tuesday, June 09, 2015
Saturday, June 06, 2015
Cancer
Everyday I hear of a new person diagnosed with this disease. So many forms of it. I hate it as much as I hate Alzheimers.
June 6, 1944
Their numbers grow fewer by the day. No doubt they saved the world with much sacrifice...
Battling
I am battling depression and loneliness. Maybe the two are hand in hand. I feel so cut off from the outside.
I am not happy at work..the reasons so varied. I just don't know how to handle some things. Well, I have an idea, just gotta get things into place.
I know it won't change it by saying it, but no family ever visits or calls to check on mom or me for that matter.
I'm sure this pity party will be over tomorrow. But I do need prayers.
We just thought we were getting out.....
I had planned to take mom and I for haircuts today. Her little body had other ideas. To no avail., could not get her moving and awake after my shower, she was clean, smelling and looking good.
Here she is. We both ended up resting..ok...sleeping all day. I guess we needed it. I just freshened up the house as to not feel terribly lazy.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Emotions
Work has been stressful. Dental work painful. Caring for mom - it really is a long good bye. Kids growing up.
Last Saturday after one of the hardest work weeks of my life, I slept literally 16 hours. Steve said, I never moved when I was on the couch sleeping. I was by mom. She was comfy, dry, and safe. Water and snacks close by. I set alarms for meals, bathroom breaks and interaction. I slept so much the week I was home with my dental work that I didn't think I could sleep anymore - but I was wrong. I guess everything caught up with me.
Today was a very painful mouth day. Boy did I hurt. My gums were so swollen. I have rinsed with warm salt water several times. They told me it would take awhile and they were not kidding. I guess having every tooth, root, remnant pulled can take its' toll. Plus I have a healed hairline fracture from a hit I took from mom at some point on my right jaw. That jaw to me looks funny. What I have in my mouth is temporary..permanents are to come in 6 months or so. Or when I can raise up about $2,000. :/ When I make my living talking...it is hard when I sound like a mush mouth. I have been called, Vickie, Mickey, Betsy, you name it.
Hopefully I will lose some weight. I should. I can't eat that much! :)
Alzheimer's a daily constant in my life. It really is a long good-bye. Ups and downs. Twists and turns. I can change a depends and clean up a poop explosion without thinking twice. I can understand her chatter better than anyone. And she still says I love you.
Kids growing up. I missed so much when I was single mom. And now they are getting older. Don't get me wrong. We spent time together, read together, heck for six years before I remarried we shared one room - that is why we are close....but now I long for a vacation...something.
Last Saturday after one of the hardest work weeks of my life, I slept literally 16 hours. Steve said, I never moved when I was on the couch sleeping. I was by mom. She was comfy, dry, and safe. Water and snacks close by. I set alarms for meals, bathroom breaks and interaction. I slept so much the week I was home with my dental work that I didn't think I could sleep anymore - but I was wrong. I guess everything caught up with me.
Today was a very painful mouth day. Boy did I hurt. My gums were so swollen. I have rinsed with warm salt water several times. They told me it would take awhile and they were not kidding. I guess having every tooth, root, remnant pulled can take its' toll. Plus I have a healed hairline fracture from a hit I took from mom at some point on my right jaw. That jaw to me looks funny. What I have in my mouth is temporary..permanents are to come in 6 months or so. Or when I can raise up about $2,000. :/ When I make my living talking...it is hard when I sound like a mush mouth. I have been called, Vickie, Mickey, Betsy, you name it.
Hopefully I will lose some weight. I should. I can't eat that much! :)
Alzheimer's a daily constant in my life. It really is a long good-bye. Ups and downs. Twists and turns. I can change a depends and clean up a poop explosion without thinking twice. I can understand her chatter better than anyone. And she still says I love you.
Kids growing up. I missed so much when I was single mom. And now they are getting older. Don't get me wrong. We spent time together, read together, heck for six years before I remarried we shared one room - that is why we are close....but now I long for a vacation...something.
Prayer
My coworker Christina's son has cancer. Hodgkin's lymphoma. Possibly stage 4. Tomorrow is a key day for tests, etc. his name is Doug and is 22. But he will start with chemo the tests will indicate further treatment.
A friend's sister has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Masectectomy and chemo is her plan.
Please be in prayer for them and their families.
I'm trying to decide what I hate more Alzheimers or cancer.
Another one of those it could only happen to me stories....
On Sunday, I decided to grocery shop. I went to the store - made it to check out. No debit card to be found. Looked everywhere. I had to leave, Sam was watching mom and he had to get to work. I get home...find it...I get out with mom. The store had already put all my stuff away. (I called) I stop to get gas (broke my own rule and paid at pump) and reach the store. I had to push mom in wheelchair and pull cart. Hard to do. Not impossible. I finish shopping. I'm so flustered. Check out. Card denied. Try again. Card denied. Money is there I'm telling clerk and myself. I look online from my phone. Gas pump had hold on funds. So, I put some stuff back to get total down and a woman behind me calls my name. I know her from school, church and football. She pays difference of $46 dollars and says do not worry about paying her back. I was near tears, mom was antsy, I was embarrassed- but I knew money was there!. I forgot completely about all the stuff I put back. I get home, there is a bag on porch with everything I put back. I bawled like a baby. And because I was so flustered shopping with mom..I ended up purchasing two of a lot of things. That explained my extremely high total! Arrrghhh Here is mom after our trip. I felt the same. God provided. However He must think I'm certifiable! 
And mom has this thing about pulling her pants above knees. Sigh.
New Smile and specs....
I'm still swollen...but May 11th I had dental work done. Taking some serious getting used to. Still can't eat solid foods.
And picked up glasses on Monday. I smike funny! Just feels weird.
11th grade here he comes....
Like every parent I wonder where the time went...last day of 10th grade. Finished with a solid B average.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Hovering Ink Pen
When I was signing the papers for hospice, I had to check or fill out many boxes, health history of mom, did she drink, did she smoke, favorite foods, religious preferences, were final arrangements made, etc. in the middle of the packet was the page I've decided to call the "hovering ink pen page."
I chose no feeding tube, no extreme measures and DNR. I looked at this page for an hour before deciding. I remembered the extreme pain and agony my dad was in when mom chose just the opposite for him, it wasn't what he wanted, but I understand why she did it. I am glad I made these decisions along with final arrangements before I need to make them..still hard...but I imagine a lot easier.
I still do not like that page. My copy I have folded up and out of sight.
It is hurting me that no family members outside this household have asked any questions or called. I guess eventually I won't hurt anymore to the lack of caring. Heck. I doubt it. I'm in a lonely spot.
Relaxing Day.
If you know me, you know I don't sleep.
Mom sleeps so it is not her. I now may do a load of laundry at 4:00 am or dust!
But today I crashed. Mom rested all day too.
Here is my little snoozer.
A couple of pics
I took this pic when Steve and I were driving home from a day out.
And this pic of a rainbow about two weeks ago.
Dentist and Doctors
May 11th I begin dental makeover and rebuild. Basically all in one day. I'm nervous, scared, excited but ready. I will be off all week.
I've been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and fibroid myalgia. But one doc seems to think there is a possibility of MS. I will be seeing a neurologist soon. However,the meds for the first two are working and I firmly believe there is no MS. But I want to get dental taken care of first.
Please pray.
Adjusting to growing up
I sincerely believe no one prays harder than a mom when her child starts to drive. I'm not as bad as I was with Tori. But he is my baby! I am enjoying not rushing to pick him up after work at school for football and tutoring. Sam will text me when he arrives and leaves destination points. 
Sam is adjusting to working at McDonalds. He wants to look for another. Here he is filling out new employee paperwork. Tori took this picture. But this first week has been hard with school and such.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
HOSPICE
Today I signed mom up for hospice. Hospice for Alzheimer's patients is totally different when you compare to those with other illnesses. (remember some folks have hospice care when they are sick and then live for years) I am not naïve, we are entering final stages. I want to be prepared, as much as one can be prepared I guess. It could be two years, two months, or two days. The same with all of us. I rest knowing mom knows Jesus.
We will have a RN come out twice a week and evaluate mom. They will work with our home health agency and doctor.
It happened so fast, yesterday, I took mom to the doctor to be approved just to be evaluated. She was totally with it, I just knew we would not be approved. She knew my name. She talked in complete sentences. She was so cute and funny. Here she is being sassy.
A major burden has been lifted. Decisions made, papers signed.
Pray for the social worker...she will be exhausted dealing with me.
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