I HATE HATE HATE THIS DISEASE AND ALL THAT IT DESTROYS!

Dear Me,

Okay, the week started out okay. Pretty good actually.

But it went downhill from there.

Mom had a rough rough week. I am so tired, so sad, so discouraged. A decision will have to be made soon.

Steve had a bad accident - thankfully he was not hurt - no one was hurt. But it really got to me.

The washing machine is still out......

I have four cold sores ...ugh...I know they came up because of stress.

We really need that financial miracle. The basics seem unattainable at the moment.

So, what do I tell myself?

Not to worry? Not to stress? Not to be sad?

God is in control - He loves me. All this is happening for a reason.

So this is my letter of pity - I write it so I can look back later and see how God provided.

This is a prayer. Please please God help.

Be kind to that person on the other end of the phone, or behind the counter, or the one serving your lunch.

He or she is barely making over minimum wage, has a family and is probably stressed with 5000 phone calls.

:)

Copied the above image....go ahead and cheat and read a little.

But go see this movie .... more importantly...READ the book. You know a book? Actual paper - where you flip pages..mark your spot when you stop by a bookmark or folding a corner back?

Awesome Movie...Awesome Book.

Steve took me to see this movie and gave me the book for my birthday this weekend.

ME, KEYS,PIZZA, MOM, AND A DUMPSTER


Let's face it - life is an adventure. Especially mine of late!

Yesterday I took mom with me to deliver books - she helps count books along the way - good for her. Good for me...I don't have to worry about what she is doing.

No matter what time we start, no matter what time she last ate...she always wants to eat before we start. So, I go to Little Caesar's pizza....she enjoys it - quite impressed the pizza is only $5. :)

We enjoy the pizza sitting in the car - we head to pick up our books. I plan to throw away our trash - so I gather all of it up - pizza box, napkins, drink bottles, etc.... and toss it in - and then I hear the clink - I threw my keys in the dumpster. Great - germ phobic me knows what has to be done. I get a chair from the warehouse (where books are located) - and also grab a broom. I use the broom to poke around inside the dumpster - didn't want any critters. Fortunately - this isn't a food dumpster - most of it is paper and cardboard. (I am so thankful I don't have to worry about foreign DNA! ugh!) I climb into the dumpster - find my keys..I look up - mom is standing right beside the dumpster holding her little brown purse. She is worried I won't be able to get out! There really is no elegant lady like way to climb out of a dumpster or into one for that matter. Just as I have thrown my second leg over the top - another driver for another magazine pulls up - laughing - he said he wished he had a camera. I just burst out laughing.

Too funny.



(I still go into bathroom and wash up the best I could. And I had hand sanitizer in the car...well yesterday...it was leg sanitizer, arm sanitizer...body sanitizer!)

Why Prozac Was Invented......

The below post about the washing machine is one reason why it was invented.

A few more...

Tori has had car issues all week - she has my mother's little truck. I ask her this morning...."Tori do you have gas? Are you good?" She's good she says - all total - she has put

$30 in the tank. I get to work - typing away - and my phone rings...she is out of gas on the highway..I have to borrow a gas can from the warehouse here and go rescue her. She is ever so patient sitting there. Without her emergency flashers on the highway! Her logic - she didn't want every truck driver or man stopping to help her. In some way she made sense.

Her scholarship/school money was limbo - we were sweating it. Between us we had to scrape (literally) half the balance. I was a faxing fool...but last night - she got the call - just pay the half and the scholarship should be in. She will get her $ back. Praise the Lord!

Bless her heart...money is so tight...she sold some old jewelry of mine that I had given her...neither of us are jewelry folks so she could have the money - it didn't bother me - I am not the senitmental type when it comes to jewelry - but leave my books alone- but she got a good bit..so that was a blessing.

Back to my washing machine saga..it went out mid load - so for almost two days water and clothes were in there....I had to threaten death and divorce to get my hubby to drain - which he said took him all of 10 minutes. (Good thing I called last night to let him know I was on my way home - because I had to squeeze out the laundry -but left the water...so it was obvious that he just finished draining before I walked in the door.) And he did the dishes. The whole house knew what happened with mom and the washing machine -so I probably could have gotten anything done last night.

Be in prayer...we need a washing machine - and still really do need a financial miracle.

Me, Mom, Tide, and the Washing Machine......

My washing machine has gone out. Caput. No money to buy one. I am praying one falls from Heaven...sigh......

So last night - I take my happy self to moms to wash clothes. Now even before Alzheimer's my mom has had this thing about her washing machine - she doesn't like people using it...and I mean no one using it. Could be Mr. Kenmore himself - and she wouldn't like it.

But I had no choice....

I take laundry to wash - she pitches a fit. Told her tough - we are just gonna have to deal with it. I forgot detergent - she doesn't have any or she had hidden it somewhere - so I need to go buy some...while I am gone - she puts all my laundry on the patio. I come back - take it back in - and start load #1. I stretch out on the couch - plan on listening to a Focus on Family Podcast (I so need it - because I am so in the flesh and grouchy -mouthy - I don't care if she does have Alzheimer's-I am about to lose it at this point)..she calls my name....."Becky, your laundry is done." Hmmmm..Already? She had stopped the machine - and pulled all the laundry out - dripping wet. ARRRRGGGGHHHHH.

sooooooooooooo at this point I am mad....I grab the laundry - put it back in the macine - take a chair in the utility room and park myself right by the machine - this is where I sat for about an hour. Now that will bless you.

I left - both of us aggravated and mad.

Today I can laugh......last night I was furious. She probably doesn't even remember it today.

Another observation from my drive around Memphis....

Maybe "Cross Your Heart" is too subtle...maybe they should call it - "Just put it all in girl!"

Ha ha ha ha

So far so good.....

Day three of school and I have survived packing Sam's lunch and getting him up. And he is hard to wake up! Football has been hard - he goes from loving it to hating it. It is safe to say he won't have a career in football.. ha ha. 7th grade - that is unreal to me....hard to believe.

It has been different not having Tori head off to school...oh, I know she will start college soon and will still be at home - it is in my mind how she has grown so quickly. I just want to hold her for another day. She has been home in the evenings more the past few nights - and I like it. I like hearing doors and drawers shut a dozen times, like seeing her light on in her room and just knowing she is home!

Mom had a rough Sunday but a good Monday. She gets lonely - the loneliness turns to sadness - that is a major battle each day for her and for me.

It is hard....

Not to be overwhelmed with life.......

Not to be sad as Alzheimer's traps moms mind......

Not be exhausted....working 6-7 days a week is taking a toll....I don't know how much longer I can hold out....

Not to be discouarged...no child support in what seems forever....back to school shopping was hard this year.


It is easy.......

To appreciate moments of clarity and brief memory from mom.......

To apprecaite our jobs and our home.....

To have healthy, happy, kids......

To appreciate and be in awe of The Cross...


May I appreciate and cherish these things and so many more daily....

Observation:

Why are folks always so grumpy and ill on Monday?

Move over Betty Crocker...


Tori is in the house! She made a casserole and brownies yesterday. And she swept, mopped and dusted! And did laundry.

Whoo hoo!

What is that....sniff...smell?

I go into Sam's room this morning - to wake him up for this first day of school - technically registration - and there is this awful smell...

It was his shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ONE WAY TO GET YOUR SON BACK ON THE RIGHT SLEEPING TRACK.....

Have him practice football in full pads in August in Tennessee. (I really think they should do morning workouts-seems to be it would be safer)

Sam's sleep pattern has been all whacked out all summer - staying up real late - sleeping late - which in all honesty, I don't mind because I know where he is at all times. He is not gallivanting around the neighborhood when I am not there. And then when I am home - I know where he is at. Works out nicely.

School starts tomorrow - I was worried about how he would adjust.....well football took care of that.

Pray for safety for him and all football players......it is hard on them...it is hot hot hot hot.

YOU ARE ACTUALLY WEARING THAT?

I drive all over Memphis once a week - and you should see what I see!

Not that I am some beauty queen - but really - do these folks not look in the mirror?

What happened to modesty? Decent covering?

I just want to say...excuse mam...you may want to tuck and hide... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Better late than never....


Below are some pictures from prom, graduation and Sam's Birthday.

Sam's 13th Bday party - this group of boys can eat!
Steve's youngest- Davin graduating - He is so handsome!

Yeah Davin!

Tori and Sam after Tori's Graduation

Your's truly and the kiddos

Before Graduation - aren't they great?

Tori - I'm so proud

Prom Night

16 HOURS

That is how long I slept from Friday night until Saturday. I have never ever done that.

I guess the stresses of life took it's toll and my body needed it.

Minus the wine....this is how I feel.

Whew. I am tired.

Matthew 11:28 - NLT

Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.


Now I ask myself as I read this verse today...why don't I do this as often as I should?

Alzheimer's

I hate it

Things have so rough these past few days.

Why we are going through this a second time - I just don't understand.

A lot to be thankful for...


Mom had a good week and weekend. Yeah! Tori or I have been over there each night - taking or cooking dinner - and the difference is obvious. She ate better all week. I took her to the store and Arby's today - she loves Arby's.


Sam is home - we left Friday night for Nashville - - stayed overnight --picked him up Saturday. He ran to me and picked me up! ha. It is so good to have him home - he hugged on me all day yesterday - and said this morning "I am so glad to see you and be home. I missed you, I missed home, I missed my bed!"

On Saturday after picking up Sam - we did some sight seeing around Nashville - it was fun - we tried to do "free" stuff - it was sooooooooooo hot! But it was good to get away from the normal every day life of things. (While we were out of town - a friend visited mom and took her dinner - thanks CL!)

Tori, bless her heart, is working a lot. She needs to buy tires - I wish we could help her - we are still struggling - I need tires myself. They are so expensive. I long for the days of $100 set of tires and they last about 100,000 miles - or so it seemed.

At this moment - it so hot - I am so grateful for air conditioning.

Please continue to pray that we see some financial relief...soon. God continues to provide and I know He will always do so.

Fourth Of July.....

This was a weird one for me.

Sam has gone to Nashville to visit his dad. The Fourth of July is like Christmas to Sam....he loves...loves his fireworks...I hated that he wasn't home. He is so much fun. I did buy him some fireworks to enjoy when he returns. (we are going to get him this weekend -I miss him!)

Tori pretty much worked the whole time - she hung out with friends as should an 18 year old girl. But I love her so. I need to plan a mother-daughter day here real soon.

Steve and I worked all day Sunday - we missed church - I was so sick with pain in my right side. Because of me being sick - we got such a late start delivering books -but he did most of the work - I am grateful - because I felt that bad! My side is still bothering me. Ugh. I laid on a heating pad most of Sat night. I didn't get any house and yard work done the whole weekend. Or bookkeeping - I will be playing catch up big time.

Mom did not have a good weekend at all. I am still stressed and tired. I hate this! She is not eating right - and that is a lot of our problem right now. I am mulling ideas over in my mind right now on how to make sure she eats. Steve and I talked - looks like I am going to be going
over there each night and prepare something or take something to her. When she doesn't eat I am sure it is messing up her blood sugar and she is more out of it than usual. She doesn't' feel good - which again I attribute to lack of eating.

This sounds more like a whining post -but just needed to vent.

Last night, Sam was sitting in the recliner....I looked at Sam and had to do a double-take...."Sam what is that?!" He looked and me and said "What?"

I don't know why or even how I noticed it...but he had this real thin - light fuzz above his lip!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. When did this happen? He was 4 years old yesterday with curls.

He didn't even notice it....but a few minutes later...I caught him stretching and looking in the mirror and rubbing above his lip.

For this alone I will need therapy.

This week Sam is supposed to go visit his dad. I know it is important for him to spend time with him - I don't begrudge that. I normally enjoy the break - but this time I just don't want him to go - I have no peace about it. Please be in prayer.

I must admit - I miss teaching children's choir. I pray God opens that door again one day. But Realistically I know I don't have time. Mom is my ministry right now. But I miss it so! I love music.

I heard a child singing behind me in church today...and thought...there is some talent! Sweet little girl too. Real shy. I teach her in children's church.

I am blessed to have many good friends. DC is like a sister, but I also have a new friend, who is become so much like a sister - I can call, email or text my feelings to her just as I can DC and feel comfortable and not judged - does that even make sense? My new friend is CL. I need to get my two sisters together soon! They will love each other.

Still praying for the miracle....I know it is in all God's timing. Utter Dependence and Obedience is what He wants from me.

Have a good week everyone.

It has been a real rough week for mom. I hate Alzheimer's - to have two parents that have suffered from it...it is hard..I am sure harder for them....but I still hate it.

The other night - Mom wanted to spend the night...I went and picked her up. She forgot her pajama pants - so I loaned her a pair of Tori's. My mom is real skinny....but she looked so funny in the hot pink money pj pants her pink flowered night gown. We had a good laugh....she danced around the house.

She thinks every day is Sunday...except for when it is Sunday...then she thinks it is Tuesday.

We went to lunch yesterday - she ate a Hamburger Steak with Gravy and baked potato plus a salad...she really enjoyed it. Then we went to the store.

She came over again today....we went to the store again. Man that woman goes through the groceries.

Everyday mom needs to be told what day it is.

Everyday she wants BBQ and ice cream.


Sign out

It is still hot hot hot.

Still praying for that financial miracle. I know God has a plan.

Please continue to pray...we still need that financial miracle.

Though I must share...God is providing every day in the neatest ways. He is so Good!.

IT IS HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Bracelet for 37 Years.......

On Saturday evening after going to a movie, Steve, Sam and I went to the replica of The Vietnam Wall. It was in Memphis for just three days....I am so glad we went.

We had the pleasure of meeting and talking with several veterans.

We approached the wall (I am proud to say my son took his hat off when he reached them memorial without being told!) - and just to see all those names. Most of them boys....probably not long from shaving and getting their license. Important to someone...loved by someone. Along the wall you would see memorials - gifts that people left, rocks, flowers, hats, pictures, letters...there was one that got to me. It was written by a wife...she wrote the following...."I have worn your bracelet for 37 years, I will continue to wear it until you are home or until we meet in heaven."

Her husband missing in action...I am trying to imagine what she has gone through and faced. I picture her as a young bride...maybe with a baby....watching as a Chaplain approached her door.
Not knowing...has to be terrible...worse than knowing.

Memorial Day...

Thank you to all those who have served and are serving.

You are loved and appreciated.

Just Don't Call the Police!!!!!!!


Mom has Alzheimer's....but she is still in her own home, we hope to keep her there for as long as we can...because she will go down fast if she is taken out of her little world. But by keeping her in own home...I stay busy!

Yesterday (Sunday) she called me and was so upset..."Becky, Tori and Sam have taken everything out of my house...it is all gone!" I try to calm her down and and tell her kids are not there, her house if fine.....

Well, that didn't work.

She called 911. She called me back to let me know the police were on the way.....

I call the dispatcher (a number I now have saved in my phone!) - let them know what is going on, explain mom, etc....

Luckily I am close by...Steve is too...we meet up....and go to mom's she is in a state! She is mad at me, mad at Tori and Sam, she is carrying her purse, her sweater and her makeup around the house....she starts yelling at me, I'm tired, I lose patience, I yell and fuss (which is not a good thing to do with an Alzheimer's patient).....she loses patience, poor Steve is just standing there looking at us like we both have Alzheimer's.....looking back...I am sure we both looked nuts!

Anyhooooo.......We finally got her calmed down...she spent the night with us.....we ate breakfast this morning and went to Walmart...I told her what happened...she got so tickled.

The lesson I learned? Pray before I interact with mom...be more patient.

I have to laugh to keep from crying...

I have talked to mom every hour since I took her home....I am telling her each time "Don't call the Police!" She laughs.

Estelle...in answer to your question....

We are praying for a financial miracle!

We need prayer!

Pray for a miracle.

We survied Prom Night!

Whew!

An exciting week...I will post pictures...I promise..

Sam's 13th Bday - I will write that post soon.

Tori's Prom and award banquet.

Graduation.

Wow! I am so proud of the kids. I love them so.

Make up...

My mother needed make up - so we went to buy some. She is so proud of her blush, eyebrow pencil and face cream.

For mother's day we gave her lipstick. She likes her lipstick.

Milk.....

She is 81 and drinks a lot of milk!

Keys.....

She constatntly misplaces keys she doesn't really neeed. It can be so aggravating at time.


Patience.....

Something I have'nt excercised of late. I need to do better.

Yeah!


It stopped raining - and we have a beautiful day. The sun is shining.

Need prayer...

Financial miracle! Only God can.

FCCLA STUDENT OF THE YEAR............



TORI MILLS!


Yeah Tori! I am so proud.

Antiques....

Spent my lunch break today at a local antique store...my childhood memories and favorites are now antiques.

For example...

Bionic Woman Thermos - I also had Wonderwoman!
Nancy Drew Books - I think I read everyone
Holly Hobbie Pictures -Would love to have these
Fisher Price Chalkboard - 1972
Fisher Price Cash Register - 1972

And so much more!


Again, my childhood favorites are antiques...how depressing. Ha! I may need therapy! Or I may go back and take a trip down memory lane.

A belated Happy Easter!


Thank you for the Cross and all that it means and all it did for me!

Way to go Tori!


Tori won 1st place at State Competition for FCCLA in her category - Chapter Project! I am very very proud.

Good Job girlie!

The biggest part of my job is customer service.

So for all you out there....please be nice to the person on the other end of the phone. Or the one behind the counter or the one serving your food.

Light Switch Memory

My mother spent the day with me yesterday - for the most part she was with it and knew what was going on. (We had a hamburger and milk shake!) Then at the end of our day - we went to grocery store. She didn't' want to walk around - she sat at a table set up near the deli. I kept going back to check on her.

Well....lesson learned.....she got up and started looking for me. She found me....by the time we got to the car...she didn't know who I was. It literally was like a light switch. One minute it was there and on...the next it wasn't - in fact no where near on or there. I will never take her to a store and let her out of my sight again!

We got back to her house. She was so confused. It was sad. We sat down, went through pictures and the family Bible...slowly memory came back - though not a 100%. I wonder how much longer even the fuzzy memories will be around. She went through her little house, looking at each family picture...naming each person..only a few she didn't know. Touching each one as if her fingertips would help bring the names to mind..maybe they did. I wonder how often she does that during the day. At that moment, I wanted to take her home with me and just protect her. I want to wage a battle against hateful Alzheimer's Disease -and all that it robs.

Do you think kids will figure out that dirty laundry cannot make it to the clothes hamper by itself?

I must admit I lost my patience with mom last night on the phone. I was tied up in bookkeeping, tired and drained. I must do better! She really can't help it.

Sam will soon be 13.... Need I say more? He is getting taller by the day. Long arms and lean back. When did it happen?

Mom memories..... Mom told this story to me a few weeks ago...it appears her parents had one of those up and down marriages...one night her "Papa" came home all in a romantic mood - however he had been out with his buddies - drinking. Well her mama wasn't in the mood - she chased him out of the house by hitting him with her houseshoes. (I said it then and I say it now...I never knew her mom - but I think I take after her in temperment! Ha!) ____________________________________________________________________ Mom remembers starting her monthly cycle when she was picking cotton. _____________________________________________________________________ She remembers her mother's corn bread and potatoes - said it was one of the best meals she ever ate.

Thankful.... I am thankful for the scattered memories my mom has. I am learning more and more about her childhood and teen years.

Angels.... Yesterday my mom called me crying...she was hiding. She told me two angels each had her by one hand....trying to take her away. I wish I understood more. Is God preparing me? Preparing our family? Preparing her?

Miscellaneous updates and information...................... Doctor appoitment went well...everything is okay....gotta take Vitamin E. Watch how much caffenine and chocolate I eat and drink. Ummmm that will be a struggle for me! Addicted to caffenie and love love love chocolate. Just have to keep an eye on returning lumps, etc. ___________________________________________________________________ 45 minutes..... The time my mother spent in Dollar General. She walked the entire store twice - aisle by aisle. But she enjoyed it. _____________________________________________________________________ Arby's....... Mom loves the Jr. Roast Beef.....tempted to write the company and tell them how this little 81 year old Alzheimer patient loves their sandwhiches and turnovers! _____________________________________________________________________ Prom....... Tori is going to prom. Yeah! I am looking forward to dress shopping with her. And yes I know we will disagree on some stuff...but it will still be fun. I can't wait! ____________________________________________________________________ Girlfriend ........Sam still has one. He is l brushing his teeth and using deodorant without being told. Ah...young love. ____________________________________________________________________ Hamburgers & Hotdogs....... Cooked out on the grill for the 1st time this season....and they were good. Guess what I brought for my lunch today? _____________________________________________________________________ 6:00 a.m.

The time Steve has to be at work all week. EEWWWWW. He gets up at 4:00. I don't know how he does it. I barely make 8:00.

_____________________________________________________________________

A busy, hectic week....but blessed!

Today was a rough start to my mother's day. She didn't sleep well last night - and she was confused this morning. I had to go over there sit for a bit until she calmed down and collected her thoughts. I wish I had a better understanding of Alzheimer's. It is horrible. Though she has not progressed as fast as my dad did - it is still sad to see her go down. I sometimes wonder why we are going through this a second time - physical problems are so much easier to deal with than mental. I guess that is selfish of me. Mom is trapped in her own mind. And that is very sad. I know God has plan - nothing happens without Him "touching" it first - but I wish I just understood. Pray for me..... A few weeks ago I found a couple of lumps ....I have had a mammogram and a diagnostic ultrasound...today I go and have them drained or whatever it is..and they will look at the tissue. The doctor seems to think they are just fluid filled cysts...but it is in the back of my mind..the what if's and such. He wants to make sure - and I am glad he wants to make sure.

Alot can be said for a card....... A couple of weeks ago...Sam told us he had a girlfriend....then the next day he said he didn't have one and didn't want to talk about it. (I thought you only had this sort of drama with girls?) Yesterday he proudly showed us a musical card Miss Wishy Washy gave him. I guess he has a girlfriend. He put the card by his TV. Right now he is not one to text - goodluck to anyone wanting to text him. I wonder if this will change. Needless to say, he likes his card......we all oohed and awwed over it.

A way to communicate...... My girl and I both are learning how to handle her being 18 and graduating high school.... Without revealing details of all that we have been discussing....here is some advice I wrote to her last Friday - I want to share with you.....I think a lot of us need to follow. (This is just part of it...the rest of it is just for me and her!) To Tori....... A friend reminded me recently the relationship between a mother and daughter is special - they are intertwined because they are mother and daughter - and then as they both get older - both are women in different stages - one has already been where the other is headed- being a woman is a special thing - because we are created to be nurturers, caretakers, soothers, we worry, we laugh and we cry. We relate to the physical pain and emotional pain of another woman - faster than a man ever would - that is how we are made. With that being said - we both are learning something- I am learning how to let go and let you fly and grow and pray harder than before. You are learning to fly and grow - but as you fly and grow - learn how to respond and treat others. Don't be quick to fly off the handle - pray before major decisions - pray before little decisions. Pray for your relationships. (family, friends, work - they are all important). Pray silently before speaking- this is something I totally need to do - because I always speak before I should. The letting go is hard - harder than I thought. But I will do better. I also worked with someone who had 4 teens at the same time - and he said he used to worry - then after the first two put him through many a sleepless night - he learned the following -and he said this, it will always stick in my mind "If at the end of the day and the week, if the kids are not in jail, the hospital or pregnant or at the funeral home.. the rest of it(problems) can be fixed. And even if one of the first three happen - they can usually be solved or dealt with - it is just the last that you cannot fix." All and all I have been blessed - you have a good head on your shoulders - I appreciate that much. Don't forget what you have been taught, where you came from and don't lose focus on where you are going. Trust God!

This past weekend was weekend of projects, chores and such. Boy am I tired. We mowed, weeded, washed, cleaned, swept, pulled.....you name it...it was done on the outside. I need to really clean the inside and I also plan to give the dog a haircut with my newly purchased dog clippers/shears. Whew. ____________________________________________________________________ Mom is still the same. The Alzheimer's rears its ugly head late in the afternoons - but sometimes it is an all day thing. It is sad and discouraging. I really do miss my dad. _____________________________________________________________________ Tori has a bad case of Senioritis.....she has a boyfriend...who graduated last year from the purple and gold school...he doesn't want to go to her prom...she does.....they are in conflict right now. I personally don't see the conflict - its her prom - she needs to go. I think they will have it worked out this week. Hmmph. (It is hard for this mom to stay out of it - when I know she will regret not going! But I think they will go or she will anyway) We have paid senior fees and the invitations to graduation are at home. It hit me hard when I saw them. She continues to work hard at McDonald's - her room forever smelling like french fries. ha! ____________________________________________________________________ Sam will be 13 soon - he is playing football again. They are in weight training right now - he doesn't like weight training that much....but I want him to stick it out. The football is good for him for discipline, exercise, etc. I told him he doesn't have to be the best - just be part of something. He still plays outside and I call him the leader of the Nerf Gun brigade. However he is maturing and is noticing girls. He helped me from start to finish in our very unsuccessful yard sale a few weeks ago...he worked hard! It was the pay our utility bill yard sale...needless to say we payed the bill on prayer...prayer answered! _____________________________________________________________________ Steve and I are okay....we still are learning to merge and such. Three years...doesn't seem like it. _____________________________________________________________________ I need so much dental work done...I'm gonna start. I am embarrassed to even open my mouth! _____________________________________________________________________ Church is going great - we teach children's church. We have a regular Eddie Haskel in the group. Whew! But we have fun. ______________________________________________________________________ I like my job...but I need to make more money. I know God will provide...but we are so struggling! ______________________________________________________________________ Tornadoes in our area today...I think some areas of Memphis took a hard hit. Pray for these folks. ____________________________________________________________________ Well, closing for now. Love to all!

Praise the Lord! God provides in many ways! I am so thankful and so appreciative.

Going to the Movie..... Last night Sam asked us if we would take him and his girlfriend to a movie this weekend. I told him yes - only if were okay with her parents. I received the following instructions: I am to dress nice. We cannot sit in the same movie. I told him I was going to wear a mumu and sit right behind them..if not beside them. Ha!

Need much much prayer!

Need a miracle!

Specific prayer....

Health
Marriage and Family
Finances
Job

I wish I had the words to explain just how tired I am. I need to stop allowing "life" get to me and wear me down.

Just need prayer....

Yard Sale....

Yep I'm having one! Whew! Hope it is successful.

We are calling this one "pay our utility bill" yard sale.

Ha!

It seems here lately we have been attacked with bad news, happenings and such from the left, right, front and back...it has been hard not to dwell or soak in them.

To keep from soaking......I have to think on all the things I appreciate and treasure....

The health of Tori and Sam. How blessed we are with good health!

The good days with mom - they are fewer and far between - but we do have them...just last Saturday her eating a BBQ plate and enjoying it.

Wonderful time in Children's church last week - the kids listened and learned.

My job - though it does not pay a whole lot - they are flexible and understand sick kids and my mom.

Good moments with Steve.

And most importantly - I know Jesus loves me and He died for me.

Quick request.....

Need prayer.

So much is going on and happening at the moment......whew hard not to worry and feel overwhelmed.

Thank you.

I will have a positive attitude today!

Tori had a project to complete last night...and it was on.....the 80's! Whoo hoo!

She had to look up music, tv, news, music, fashion, and fads. I had so much fun. I ended up listening to Journey, Bruce, and Brian Adams.

As part of her presentation....she wore my Born In The USA concert t-shirt. Awwwww....

I have two good kids.....not perfect...but good.

Appreciation.....


I appreciate my husband.
I appreciate my children.
I appreciate my sisters and parents.
I appreciate my friends.
I appreciate my job.
I appreciate my freedom and those who do so much to protect it.
I appreciate and cherish the fact that Jesus died for me and I am saved and going to heaven.

Observations...

There are some women who can wear low cut - or just v-neck shirts...and then are some who shouldn't. (This from when we were out and about yesterday)

If there are so many honor students (per all the bumper stickers) in the world - why are we in America last when it comes to math and science?

Really...you drive a new model Mercedes and you are public assistance? I don't understand.

I don't think we can handle $4.00 gallon gas...it will kill us!

Resolutions....

I didn't make any...but I want to:

...Control my temper
...Control my tounge
...Control my thoughts

...read my Bible more (if I do this - I do believe the above three will be accomplished!)

...be more positive and encouraging

...be a better wife

...be a better mom

...Be a better person

Yes, I know I am late..

But Happy New Year.

This party animal went to bed about 10:00 New Year's Eve. I spent about two hours of my holiday night - sorting through a box of pictures.

Whoo Hoo.

Had a wonderful Christmas....

Peaceful...

Family and Friends.


What a blessing!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I am sooooooo sleepy today.

We may get to shop today. I hope so.

Ghosts?

Are they real? Do you believe in them?

Handling what life gives you....

My mother has Alzheimer's...she is going down fast mentally.

She spent the night at my house last night and will probably do so again tonight...I want her used to the house...she feels pretty comfortable..comfortable enough to let me know my refrigerator is cleaner than she has ever seen it. She knows where the cups are, the towels, and the broom - she likes to sweep. She made Sam's bed...it was bedtime. Ha!

I hate that we .... she has to go through this. Though it has been almost 9 years since Dad passed away...the memories of his fight with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's are fresh in my mind - as if they were yesterday.

Each day will be an adventure...sad, funny, confusing, chaotic all at the same time.

Turn around moment...

We all have them, those turn around moments, some call them LIGHT BULB or A-HA moments.

A friend of mine, A.P. - gave me some advice or not so gently suggested to stop putting things off or avoiding issues...and I knew I am guilty of that - but didn't realize how much so until she said it.

Now, I have a long way to go to get things taken care of - but now I tentatively have a plan.

1. I am working on child support - should have done it a long time ago - and a huge weight has been lifted.
2. My sister and I have talked and share more this past weekend than we have in a long time. I am blessed to have her.
3. My mom - she won't get better - but we have a plan - though flexibility is key.
4. Most importantly...very important...I have drifted so far from God, that is why my priorities are not straight..that is why I have become an avoider of everything in life. I am not prayed up, confessed up, read up or even close in fellowship with other believers. I firmly believe that is why I am not seeing success, peace, and rest., fighting guilt..it is a painful lesson...but one I have learned from..now need to apply. I have to and need to allow God to change me.

I am also appreciative of my friends, D.C. in particular. She loves unconditionally. No judging. Just that warm voice on the other end of the phone.


I want to be a better mom to Tori and Sam.

I love my husband Steve - I need to do better by him...

Thank you for your prayers.

Well, heck. I am still sick. Pneumonia - to date I have had 15 shots, breathing treaments, and am the owner of an inhaler. I haven't slept in two nights because of coughing and such. Last night I gave up at 1:30 - got up and ironed. At least that is done.

We have taken a huge financial hit. I am worried about bills and Christmas. And I just don't feel good. I have no sick days left.

Ex-hubby totally behind (4 months-well three because when he lost his job we told him don't worry about Sept - now he is working two jobs) on child support...will have to take legal action - geesh I don't want to. I keep willing the mailman to bring a check that covers it. It is the last thing I want to do - I am dreading it - I hate hate controversy. I like to blend. The very fleshly part of me wants to keep the kids from going up to where he is (the plan is the day after Christmas - they really don't want to go - and we are picking them up earlier than usual - because they want to come home)- but that is not right. We just wanted to see some effort - I told him just to mail $25 a week until he could get caught up - that would cover haircuts and school stuff, you know? But if I go to child support services I am going to ask for also his part in regard to health insurance. I pray a check arrives today.

I am going to quit whining now....we have much to be thankful for.





In other news.....

Tori turned 18...we got her a camera and went shopping Sunday for a dress for "Oscar Night" (senior awards). She is doing well in school.

Sam is doing good in school also. He is growing up.

Steve is on vacation this week. He is just hanging out at the house. He went to dr with me yesterday.

Mom is still mom...wearing me out she is!

Updates...

My tripple whammy turned to pneumonia. Just now getting over it.

Mom is still mom...Alzheimer's a little worse.

Tori will be 18 this week...Happy Birthday Tori! Love you!

Sam is getting tall!

Have not bought the first Christmas present!

A coworker/supervisor passed away today after a battle with cancer. Active in church and community. He leaves behind his wife, two children, grandchildren and his 82-year old mother. No sibblings.

I hurt for his whole family - but it is his mother whom I ache for.

Pray for his family.

TRIPLE WHAMMY

STREP THROAT

BRONCHITIS

EAR INFECTION


WHO?


ME!!! UGH!!!!!

$8.63

Today I was in Dollar Tree- for those who don't know - this is a store where everything is a $1.00 - and I heard this elderly couple talking on an aisle- they were probably in their 80's - - they were planning 4 days worth of meals - they were waiting on their check that would be in the bank on Monday. They had spaghetti o's, a frozen pizza, soup, some vegetables, chicken salad, juice, bread, and a few other things. Well then I got behind them in line - and they didn't have enough money. $8.63 short.

They shouldn't have to worry about stuff like that - especially in a Dollar Store.

I was blessed to help out - but wonder if they will be in the same boat in a few weeks.

Mom has kept me busy for the past few days. I am ready for her to move in - just so I know everyone is in the same place and I won't be on the road as much. But I know her moving in will present a whole new set of challenges.

I haven't been feeling too hot of late - I am tired- not sleeping -stressed - I need a new job- the one I have doesn't pay enough-though they are very flexible with all that goes on in my life - that is a blessing. I am customer service - and people are so mean to folks on the phone. Be kind to all the customer service people you deal with - it really isn't their fault.

Tori has SENIORITIS - she is ready to be finished.

Sam is about to be a teenager - that will be fun.

Church is nice- we are fitting in with our new church family.

Finally.....

It feels like fall and it rained some last week. Whew it has been so very hot and dry.

Halloween is this weekend. Sam will dress as the Grim Reaper - the county in which we live - every community is on a different Halloween Schedule - makes it for a confusing but fun and busy time.

The kids have been away this week on fall break trips and such.

This mama bird is ready for the chicks to return to the nest. I missed them.

Tori came home last night bringing along with her dirty laundry, dishes left everywhere, an energy that missed terribly and a smile that brightens my world.

Sam is coming home today. I bet he will seem taller.

Needing to be needed.......

My mother spent the night with us on Friday night - I am actually trying to do this more often - to let her get used to the house and such, because I know one day - very soon - she will move in with us.

She wanted KFC - so that is what we had - KFC. She then offered to clean the kitchen - we didn't use any dishes and such (used paper plates) - and I told her as much - but she went in there anyway and started cleaning - well she detailed cleaned! (Her house is spotless) - she just cleaned and cleaned - enjoyed it. (she loves to clean and organize)

You know what she said to me? "Well, Becky, you can't help it if you work - and can't clean house." (like my house is a garbage dump! ha!)




But all kidding aside- this made me realized - she needs to be needed.

I am very tired today!

I have forgotten how to relax.

Or let me put it this way...I am not allowing myself to relax.

I used to read to relax..somehow that has been pushed to the side...but no more....I have started reading again and am enjoying it. Maybe it is not the straight into the night reading like I used to - but now it is a few minutes on my lunch break...or a few minutes before bedtime -but I am enjoying it.

This past week - I read my Bible more - now imagine how much better my week went! God is good ...and when you are closer to Him...life is better. Mind you not easier...just better knowing you are closer to Him.

________________________________________

Busy times.....

The new school year is busy as every. Both kids brought home pretty decent interim reports last night. Especially proud of Sam's math grade. Whoo hoo.

Tori's senior year seems to be flying by - I hope she is enjoying it. Sam is learning much in football - it is hard for him to practice a lot and not play a game - but his day is coming- we tell him he has to "pay his dues"

Mom is still the same - at times the Alzheimers is worse - and it is not a matter of if but when she moves in with us.

Work is okay for me - I want something else -and one day that something else will happen.

Church is great - we have started teaching children's church - kids are sweet and funny.

Steve is working hard - he was so tired last night.

Sam made the football team!

Yeah!

We are all so excited and very proud. He tried out and made it.

Way to go Sam!

Back to School..


Well - tomorrow begins the school year. Actually it is a 1/2 day for registration - then they start full time next week.

Sam's first year in middle school. Wow. I no longer have an elementary student in my household. I am about to enter the teen years with him.

Tori and Steve's youngest are about to enter their senior year. I can't believe my girl is a senior. I am so proud of her.

Parenting your parent...

My mother seems to be in the first stages of Alzheimer's (my dad and three aunts suffered, and it is suffering from it) and she is keeping me hopping.

It is heartbreaking, exhausting, and frustrating at the same time.

Some of the things she says and does will make you laugh and if you are down - cry like a baby.

Decisions will have to be made in the upcoming months.

I know God will guide us to make the right ones.

Your prayers are appreciated more than you can know.

A shift....

Well I knew it was coming.....

The "official" shift from little boy to preteen.

Hmmph.

We had a Sunday School Social at our home on Saturday night - (it was fun by the way, we watched Blindside and had a dinner of cold cuts and such) - everyone brought their kids - and well my son ditched the younger boys playing Nerf guns and other stuff. And ended up sitting on the patio in the middle of about 4 12-13 year old girls.

Hmmph.

Balance....

Trying to find balance. I was home a short time - but it doesn't take long to get used to something does it?

Working full time, yard work, housework, part-time job on weekends, kids, mom, family, church...and wait until school begins. I know God will direct me - I must put him first before all and the rest will fall into place. But I am so hard headed at times!

Tori and Sam are fine. Busy. Tori goes and goes! Sam does too. He is so tan from swimming and playing outside.

I have two days off scheduled in August - I am looking forward to them.

Senior Pictures....

Tori had senior pictures today...we went to lunch and did a little shopping. It was a fun day. I even managed to grocery shop today.

A movie....
Tonight Steve, Sam and I plan to go see the new Karate Kid movie.


A goal....
I am going to really work on time management and organization..two things I used to excel at, now I stink at.

The weather...
It is hot. Plain and simple. Miserable hot.

Updates...


Well, I started my job this past week. I worked there 12 years ago - I left when Sam was born. I was thinking if I had known then the journey that I was about to take, I would have stayed. Whew! But all happens for a reason.

I am starting out at the bottom and my ego was bruised for a minute - but it is better than no job at all. I will continue to do my part time bookkeeping job from home and Steve and I will deliver books each week - both little jobs help out tremendously. I will have to be in check with my attitude though, I get bored - but I will dust and such if I have to. I believe firmly in working while at work!

Tori is blessed to be in Gulf Shores this week with a friend and her family - they go every year and called and invited Tori - she was so excited. It gives me a whole week without worrying about her on the road! ha ha! I know she will have fun. She's had a week of stuff happening - her phone broke, her battery had to be replaced in her car, etc. Whew.

Sam is going to a friends house later this week for a few days - a home of 6, yep count 'em, 6 boys. They will swim, run and play. This used to be his babysitter - and he always had a good time with them. This will be good for him. He tried out for football last week - we will know in August - there is a camp he will go to next week - I think this will help in the decision process - plus it will be good exercise for him. (He turned 12 a few weeks ago)

They both have finished school - and did well. I now have a senior and a 6th grader! Yeah Tori and Sam.

Our church will have a new Sunday School Class about relationships - I am excited - it is something we need. I also want to teach children's choir - but need that confirmation from Steve and kids.

My dad will be gone 8 years this week - I miss him terribly. Mom struggles between one extreme and the other mentally - it can be exhausting at times. She is really having a hard time adjusting to me working.

We adopted a dog a few weeks ago - Kylee - she is so sweet!

I got a job!

I start next Monday - May 24th. I am so excited and relieved!

God is good!