I want to share this. I want people to know it is not easy being a caregiver. I only can speak from the point of being a caregiver to an Alzheimer's patient - but there are so many other folks suffering from diseases that cause much pain.
I can laugh, I can find joy - but it is hard. I get mad, I cry, I yell, I question my faith, you name it.
If you have kids at home, it is hard. Thankfully Tori and Sam are older and have jumped in and helped unselfishly. Given me breaks, help take care of mom. Now when mom needs lifting, Sam helps. But as a mom, I feel divided. Do I go to this event or do I stay home? Will he miss me at this one game? Will Tori mind me not going to the dinner with her? The guilt can weigh you down.
It is terribly hard on your marriage. Especially when your spouse doesn't quite get the disease. Being my second time going through this and watching from afar, three aunts battle this hateful disease, I understand. Not only do I feel divided between kids and mom. Add hubby. I feel like I am failing miserably. As I mentioned in an earlier post - there is much much strain.
It is hard on your health. Mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, and physical. My doctor tells me I am stressed. Ya think? I am tired all the time. I hurt all the time. My mouth and face hurt - I need something done to my teeth or lack there of. It is a must - I am really going to try to get this done. Constant lifting or fighting off mom hitting, punching, kicking, you name it - is hard on me. I try not to hurt her in the process - and end up hurting myself. There is no easy way to deal with the violence. I would have thought we would be well past this stage - but just the other day - she threw a hot baked potato at me. Her new thing is spitting - ugh. Mental health, you have to make decisions constantly, hourly at times. I used to read about seven books a week - now I am lucky to finish one in a month - and that is my sanity - reading. I don't want a Knook or Kindle - I like turning pages. Emotional. I am a blasted wreck a lot of the time. This ride into Alzheimer land - is up and down, turn for turn. I get mad, sad, happy, cry, you name it. Spiritual health - I pray - I try to have a quiet time. I try to read devotionals - but I often wonder does God see? Does He hear? Does He understand? I often wonder about the one He cast out demons from - was it mental illness? Addiction? But why doesn't He cast out now? I don't get it - this is a hateful disease. It robs a person of everything.
1 comment:
You don't have to post this; I think about these things, too: all are a result of that first sin, but it makes His sacrifice all that much more glorious. I have been with Michael on many ministry visits in nursing homes, and you do wonder "why." There will be a great day of Reunion when all of these mental, emotional, and physical pains are completely gone--AND ALL broken hearted Believers will be restored!
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